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How delightful: The Classic Regency Romance—Now with Ultraviolent Zombie Mayhem! According to Amazon, “Pride and Prejudice and Zombies features the original text of Jane Austen’s beloved novel with all-new scenes of bone crunching zombie action. Jane Austen is the author of Sense and Sensibility, Persuasion, Mansfield Park, and other masterpieces of English literature. Seth Grahame-Smith is the author of How to Survive a Horror Movie and The Big Book of Porn.”

The news has been greeted with both shrieks of joy and howls of execration. I was a huge fan of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, so I am its target market. Come to think of it, what literary classic would not benefit from a generous helping of Undead action? How much easier it would be to plow through Remembrance Of Things Past if every time Proust got started on the smell of madeleines, some zombies would climb in through the window. Zombies would help curb authorial self-indulgence by bringing up the issue of basic survival! Napoleon’s army marches on Moscow—with a regiment of flesh-eating undead! Madame Bovary decides to end it all—because she’s married to a zombie! Of course Raskolnikov is above conventional moral law—the woman he killed was a zombie!

Pride and Prejudice and Zombies is out mid-April, so I don’t have to break my New Year’s resolution. (I will not buy a book for three months so I can make a serious assault on my reading backlog. Okay I had the overwhelming urge to get some Tintin books the other week, but technically I did not violate the rule. I whined until my sister bought them to shut me up. She has a two-year-old kid, she’s too tired to resist.)