JessicaRulestheUniverse.com

Today was Megamall day—I had to get my cats’ supplies, meet my publicist friend for lunch, and check out Forever 21 with my sister (we had not been there).

My friend and I talked about renewing the National Bookstore sponsorship for the LitWit Challenges, and the possibility of a book. Then she mentioned that she’d organized a Haagen- Dazs event at the Megamall Atrium and would I like to drop by?

Of course I said yes, it’s Haagen-Dazs. My skills at bilocation were tested, but I managed to go shopping with my sister at Forever 21 and attend the press conference to launch the all-new menu of the ice cream brand.

At the presscon Haagen-Dazs reps Tess Panganiban and Cathy Castro noted that given the frenetic pace of urban life, today’s biggest luxury is not designer goods or snazzy cars, but Time. Women who juggle the demands of motherhood, wifehood, career, and general fabulousness need their Me moments. (Hah! I chose me over all of the above, so my entire life is a Me moment. But I do love the ice cream.)

Haagen-Dazs is helping women give themselves permission to put up that Do Not Disturb sign and indulge, Tess said. These are their new indulgences:

Joyful Party: mini-scoops of Vanilla, Green Tea and Strawberry ice cream, Raspberry sorbet, Mango Sorbet on griddle cake decorated with almonds, cherries, pretzel sticks and chocolate sauce.

Fruity Journey: Strawberry ice cream, Raspberry sorbet, Mango Sorbet, and Strawberry Cheesecake ice cream with fresh fruit.

The Create-Your-Own section of the new menu lets you design your dessert by combining the flavors and toppings you desire. Of course all the classic Haagen-Dazs flavors, fondue, ice cream sushi platters, and cakes are also available.

Interesting to note that earlier in our history, during the Spanish colonial era, ‘indulgence’ (indulgencia) was a grant from the Catholic Church giving you time off from Purgatory on the sins you had committed. It was one of the church abuses Jose Rizal satirized in his novels. Now ‘indulgence’ usually means ‘luxury’. Which is another way of viewing time off on your sentence in Purgatory.

In Forever 21 my sister noted the number of plainclothes security men patrolling the premises. Which sort of defeats the purpose of ‘plainclothes’. She bought accessories, I bought a white shirt. Then we ate ice cream.

Two weeks ago I was patting myself on the back for my extraordinary restraint. I had managed to return from London with only four books to add to my backlog, which stood at 16 (not counting the Russians). This is a manageable number as long as I refrain from buying books for the next two months.

(Confession: Previous backlogs were dealt with by admitting that I would never get around to reading the books then giving them away, or pretending they are part of the furniture.)

I spoke too soon.

Avalanche!

In my defence I must say that I did not buy a single one of these books. Some of them are review copies, some from friends who need shelf space, and some from friends whose reading backlog reduction scheme is to pass the books on to me.

I have been meaning to read Patrick O’Brian’s Aubrey-Maturin series. Did you see Peter Weir’s excellent film adaptation of Master and Commander starring Russell Crowe and Paul Bettany? I wish they’d film more of the books.

Karl May is an early 20th century author of mystic fantasy adventures. His fans include Albert Einstein, Albert Schweitzer, and Adolf Hitler, who apparently took the wish-fulfillment fiction too literally.

The other day I opened The Rachel Papers by Martin Amis and literally could not stop reading—it’s hilarious! The Michael Dirda is like hot buttered popcorn for bibliophibians, and I could never resist Alan Furst’s WWII spy thrillers…

But first I had to finish David Mitchell’s The Thousand Autumns of Jacob de Zoet, which I’d been lugging around for a month. That it took a month is not the book’s fault—first I was traveling and there were too many things to look at, then when I got home I had a pile of work to attend to, and this last week I slowed down the reading because I didn’t want the book to end.

I should’ve rationed the pages, I should’ve read another book between chapters, I should’ve done more to prolong it.

I finished reading The Thousand Autumns of Jacob de Zoet last night at 8pm. It’s Magnificent. I will write a full review when I have collected my thoughts and returned from Nagasaki at the turn of the 19th century.

As for the backlog, I have decided to look at it from another angle. Having too many books to read is not a problem, it’s a gift. Having no books to read: that’s a problem.

If there were a tournament for rationalization I would be the topseed.

I’ve seen more of the Philippines this year by attending the My City, My SM launch events at SM malls than I have in my entire life. And I have always lived here. So far I’ve been to Iloilo, Baguio, Pangasinan, Quezon, and this last weekend, Batangas.

My City, My SM showcases the sights and local industries of the host cities. In Batangas there was:

Traditional embroidery. The embroiderers of Taal make fine dresses, shirts, tablecloths, wedding gowns, bed covers, ternos. Their handiwork is available at the public market in Taal. I found a piña table runner for P200.

Native snacks to go with their Kapeng Barako

New knives

Old knives

A Really Big Knife

Traditional dances.

I know what you’re thinking: Was Governor Vi there? No, but the vice-governor gave a speech.

The following morning we visited some beautiful old houses.

This is the house of Mr Antonio Pastor, which was built in 1883.

The interiors are preserved and maintained—you can actually sit on the antique furniture and play the Bosendorfer piano.

After lunch we went to Taal, which is a time travel experience: streets lined with houses over a century old. At Galleria Taal in the Ilagan-Barrion house on Calle Marcela Agoncillo, we saw
Philippine Photography in Changing Times, an exhibition of Philippine photographs from the 1870s to the 1980s and a collection of rare vintage cameras. My friends would plotz over these “parts”.

Among the photos: The Execution of Jose Rizal.

An Aquino family photo—yes, that’s President Noynoy as a child.

We also stopped at house of Marcela Agoncillo, the woman who made the Philippine flag. Visitors often ask the guide which room she sewed the flag in. Ano ba, she sewed the flag in Hong Kong, the Agoncillos were in exile with General Aguinaldo. (I almost asked the same question, haha.)

The preservation and maintenance of these old houses costs a lot, and their owners are often tempted to sell them. The Batangas tourism office and heritage groups step in to make sure the houses are not torn down. It’s a battle.

As always, thanks to Ms Millie Dizon and the SM Marketing and Promotions Group for taking me around the country, and thanks to Batangas Tourism Officer Dindo Montenegro for turning the casual tour into a history class.

I write like
Vladimir Nabokov

I Write Like by Mémoires, Mac journal software. Analyze your writing!

DON’T EVEN THINK OF CLICKING ON THE LINK IF YOU’RE ON A DEADLINE. I Write Like is a statistical analysis tool from Coding Robots. It compares your writing style with the writing styles of famous writers, then tells you which writer you sound like. The options include Kurt Vonnegut, James Joyce, William Gibson, H.P. Lovecraft and P.G. Wodehouse.

Warning: The program may decide that your write-alike is Dan Brown. Can your ego survive that?

Thanks to Otsu for the alert.

* * * * *

P.S. This is a time-waster, a game, not to be taken seriously. Repeat, do not take seriously. Flattering to be told that you write like Nabokov, but you are not and will never be Nabokov. On the other hand if it calls you Dan Brownish, time to worry.

Says Maggie Renzi, who produces the films of John Sayles. You’re out there fighting Franco but other people haven’t caught on yet so you’re all alone. Maggie and John are back in Manila doing post-production on Amigo, a movie on the Philippine-American War shot entirely in Bohol.

Maggie with Joel Torre, who stars in Amigo with Rio Locsin, Chris Cooper and Garrett Dillahunt who was in No Country For Old Men and Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles. Dillahunt also played the guy who shot Wild Bill Hickock in Deadwood.

In thirty years we’ve never had a good review from the Village Voice, says John Sayles. I think it’s become an editorial policy of theirs. Wait, they had a good review of our first movie (The Return of the Secaucus Seven). Then they fired the reviewer. He said, This is what the review would’ve been if it had come out.

John with Raymond Lee. John Sayles’s most profitable movie has been Lone Star. His highest-grossing picture was Eight Men Out.

A stray cat joined the conversation from under the table. Oddly enough the cat had a moustache like Adolf Hitler’s.

This is my broadsword Excalibur. It was given to me a long, long time ago, by someone with an impressive white beard. Of course it’s chipped—you should see the other guy, hahaha.

Last Saturday in Batangas I saw a fabulous display of locally-crafted balisong and antique knives at the My City, My SM launch at SM City Batangas. (Yes, in SM! Security must’ve had ten coronaries apiece.)

This year (so far) our big cultural moment in Hollywood was in Kick Ass, the movie by Matthew Vaughn. In the movie Big Daddy (Nicolas Cage) is raising his 11-year-old daughter Hit Girl (adorable Chloe Moretz) to be a superhero. On her birthday he gives her a balisong (in English, fan knife). “What’s this?” he asks the child, who is thrilled. “It’s a bal. . .It’s Filipino,” she says, and proceeds to demonstrate her skill with it.

I stared at the balisong for so long, they gave me one (Jedi mind trick). It’s very cute. Cute is not a word usually associated with weaponry.

So the next day I went to Ona’s Batangas Blades and got a bigger one. (My sister also wanted one. Nainggit.) The first one I looked at was cool—you could whip it out and open it in half a second. “How much is this?” I asked.

“P6,500.”

Six thousand five hundred?! What’s it made of, shards of Narsil?

“It’s a Damascus blade,” the manager said.

“Wow.” I figured a Damascus blade is from the ancient Damascene sword-making tradition. The Crusades! But not within my budget. So I got this instead, for P280. (Ona’s is at 114 Balisong Street, Taal, Batangas, tel. +639273166946, email Onadiosdado@yahoo.com.)

The handle is made of bone. I think of it as a tooth of Shai Hulud—a maker.

Today when I got home from lunch I stopped at the guardhouse to ask if anyone had delivered any packages for me, and the guard produced this. He didn’t even blink, being accustomed to the stuff that gets delivered to my house.

When people travel they usually come back with presents for their friends (pasalubong)—a wallet, a book, a giant box of chocolate from the duty-free shop. I get swords. And earrings.