JessicaRulestheUniverse.com

Do you have a personal photo of Roger Federer that I could borrow for an essay I’m writing? It has to be a photograph you took yourself.

If you do, please post a message in Comments and we’ll contact you. Thanks.

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Thanks to Tennis Mike and Rian for lending me their Roger photos. More! More!

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Okay, we now have more photos of Roger than I can use for my essay. Thanks to everyone who emailed. May I post the photos here?

Wednesday, 14 July 2010. Bastille Day. Typhoon Basyang rewrites “Storm the Bastille.”

Text from The Fabulous Mamu: “Asked when the electricity would return, Meralco spokesman said, ‘Rest assured we will return to the current situation.’ Ha? Di ba the current situation is blackout? Oh, he means current as in kuryente, as in ‘Kuryente, babalik na’. Aray.”

On the resemblance between directors and actors

– In Inception Leo parts his hair in the middle so he looks like Christopher Nolan.
– Nolan probably said, “Dahling, part your hair in the middle so we can both look like penises.”

On the question pondered in this old Kickette post

Dolce & Gabbana ad from 2006 featuring the victorious Italian football players Andrea Pirlo, Fabio Cannavaro, Gennaro Gattuso, Manuele Blasi, Gianluca Zambrotta

– Obviously it is Fabio Cannavaro because he is holding on to its objective correlative.

On getting carded

– Ha! We still get carded abroad because white people can’t tell how old we are.
– Every time I get carded I protest, but without conviction. “But I’m. . .pregnant pause. . .21.”

On seeing Celia Rodriguez, Gloria Romero, and Barbara Perez together at the Pancake House in CCP during Cinemalaya


Lilet’s Little Secret, or How Celia Rodriguez made my life worth living by Guillermo Ramos.

– I thought, ‘What plot is being hatched by Darna’s arch-enemies?’
– Barbara Perez wasn’t a villain in Darna.
– Yes, but she was the fairy in Supergirl starring Pinky Montilla.

Segue to: Tongue-twisters!

– See sells seasells by the seesor.
– Lash year see died in a sipwreck. Deesh year see died in a car crass.
– Da seek seek seek’s seek sip’s sick.
– The nominees for Best Song are: Da Soop Soop Song by Whitney Hooston.
– Seebop by Cyndi Lauper.
– Soobeedoo by Madonna.

Back to Supergirl:
– I don’t get it. How could she not know she was Supergirl?
– That’s the beauty of the performance. You could believe she was stupid.

Christopher Nolan’s movies are always overpraised upon their release, not necessarily because they’re unworthy, but because he is very good at flattering his audience. If mainstream commercial directors pander to stupid viewers, then Christopher Nolan panders to intelligent viewers.

This is an excellent tactic because the intelligent are often insecure—they should be, being vastly outnumbered by the stupid, like the uninfected survivors in a zombie plague. . .

My review of Inception in Emotional Weather Report, today in the Star.

P.S. Everyone’s doing 3D—this movie would kill in 3D.

Re the movie’s obsession with architecture, look at Architecture’s Modern Marvels in VF.

Epic. n. A long poem, typically one derived from ancient oral tradition, narrating the deeds and adventures of heroic or legendary figures or the history of a nation.

Epic. The ginormous cruise ship where I spent two days in July.

Tuesday, 22 June, 1930 hrs. From the window of the chartered bus I see a building twenty stories high that calls to mind the megamalls of Manila, only bigger. It looms over the arrival center where the buses stop to disgorge their passengers—hundreds of travel agents and media from England and all over, including a dozen Filipino journalists.

It takes a few seconds to register the fact that the megamall is on the water, which makes sense because it is a ship.

This is the Norwegian Epic, the newest vessel of the 44-year-old Norwegian Cruise Lines, and it is about to embark on its maiden voyage. . .in the open sea off the coast of England. Basic facts:

Naturally the Titanic comes up in conversation. This is our cue to examine the long, snaking queue at Check-in for anyone with a resemblance to DiCaprio circa 1997. There are no Leos exactly, but plenty of Kate Winslet types in summer outfits and cocktail dresses.

As far as I know these waters are iceberg-free.

2030. Finally checked in. I drag my suitcases up the gangplank and onto the boat, which is fully carpeted so my wheelies require more effort. Later I realize that this is a good thing. On a cruise of this nature you will need all the exercise you can get. There are more than 20 restaurants on board, and on this maiden voyage,

Everything Is Free.

Walking the long, long, long hallways may be the only thing that will keep you from being rolled down the gangplank at the end of the voyage.

Have I mentioned the Open Bar? Emerging from the elevator I sense the merriment in the air, the high spirits that can only come from mass consumption of spirits. As I trudge trudge trudge towards Stateroom 13261 I pass several ladies dressed for a night out. It’s like Spring Break, with slightly older revelers and more clothes.

This is not my stateroom exactly, but they all look alike and this is a better photo.

2050. My stateroom has curved walls and ceilings, separate shower, WC, and sink, a comfortable couch, closet, dressing table, and big bed. This is called a New Wave Balcony stateroom. For a moment I hesitate to draw the curtains lest I uncover A Flock of Seagulls waiting to burst into song.

No, it’s just the balcony. And the sea. And a big Ikea beckoning to us because the ship hasn’t sailed yet.

After unpacking I make the mistake of testing the mattress and instantly fall asleep.

Part II will appear next Sunday. For more information on the Norwegian Epic, including itineraries and prices, visit www.epic.ncl.com.

Why this is not a credible scene from Oliver Twist:

1. Mat cannot pass for a downtrodden waif (and this is his “skinny” angle).
2. There is an unfinished bowl of chicken treats right behind him.
3. His expression is not pitiful enough. If you do not feed him he might whack you with his topspin-heavy forehand.

Mat is like the amnesiac in Memento: he can only retain the memory of having eaten for five minutes. Then he forgets that he has eaten and asks for food again.