D’Expendables: Fun with steroids and botox!
My sister made me watch The Expendables. She did not mention that it was an action-horror movie. Every time there’s a close-up of Stallone or Lundgren: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!
Cautionary tale about mixing steroids, botox and cosmetic surgery. Or very white people not wearing sunblock in LA. (We’re Stallone’s eyebrows tattooed on?)
The Expendables opened in the US on the same week as Eat, Pray, Love. So the question was: What would you rather watch, action has-beens (except Jason Statham) killing an entire South American country, or a rich American woman finding herself by traveling to countries beginning in ‘I’?
The answer: First time in history that an Eric Roberts movie outgrossed a Julia Roberts movie. (How Julia’s reps can spin this: It took Stallone, Statham, Li, Schwarzenegger, Willis, Rourke, Lundgren, Austin, Couture, et al to beat Julia Roberts.)
Stallone co-wrote and directed The Expendables. The one-liners are flat, the action scenes cliché and eardrum-busting but passable. It’s the dramatic scenes—and there are lots of them!—that made me hide under the seat. Please let them be over, I can’t bear to look. (When Mickey Rourke begins his monologue about the girl in Bosnia, stuff your eyes with popcorn it’s less painful.)
It’s so Retro! It should be called D’Expendables. The cast should fly to Manila and go straight to Master Showman Walang Tulugan! Except Jason Statham, who should go straight to my house.
They forgot Jean-Claude Van Damme and Steven Seagal. (Or they weren’t invited, which must really hurt.)
Stallone was never the most intelligible speaker, but now he needs to be subtitled. Still, he has proven that there is room in youth-obsessed pop culture for post-prime action stars flexing their leathery muscles. Cue theme from Rocky. Up those stairs, Sly!
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Correction from my sister: Van Damme was invited to join the cast but he declined because he felt the story was not strong enough. Obviously it did not have the depth of Bloodsport or Double Team.
Answers to questions you might be asking, unless you wandered onto this site purely by accident >>>
August 30th, 2010 at 11:11
Jason Statham didn’t even take his shirt off. Pity. Or perhaps I missed it.
August 30th, 2010 at 11:23
Ejia, he didn’t so the others wouldn’t have to. Aaaaaaaaaaa!
August 30th, 2010 at 22:17
I pretty much had some decent fun watching The Expendables, mainly because Statham’s name is on the poster. Then again, I just wanted to waste time at the mall so I bought a ticket for this. Sly’s eyes are horrible; his stuttering is a given haha. The directing needs a lot of improvement if they think a close up of Stallone’s eyes will emphasize some manly enlightenment in their plan to sink the South American island.
August 30th, 2010 at 23:37
Istalong’s eyebrows were scary — scarier than Fognini’s.
August 31st, 2010 at 10:34
Van Damme didn’t join the cast daw because Jet Li was supposed to have beaten him in the movie.
August 31st, 2010 at 19:24
Both Segal and Van Damme were invited to do the movie and both didn’t want the storyline. Van Damme doesn’t want to lose with Jet Li while Segal (I think) just want to be the frontman. Here is the link to the news
http://perezhilton.com/2010-08-10-sly-snubbed-by-segal-van-damme
September 1st, 2010 at 17:02
Haven’t watched any movies for the past 5 months…even Salt did not arouse or renew my interest in the movies. I thought if I’ve seen Tombraider series (I have),thenI’ve seen Salt. Jet Li is the official midget-mascot?Hmmmmm…..
September 2nd, 2010 at 11:55
I saw this in my bus this morning! (yep, I catch up on movies via the Alabang buses’ updated DVD collections) Statham is HOT, Stallone is scary and yikes Dolph Lungren looks like Frankenstein. In fairness kay Mickey Rourke medyo OK naman ang monologue niya…until he got to the part na “If I saved her, maybe I could have also saved…MY SOUL.” EEEK I wanted to bang my head against the window from secondhand embarassment.