JessicaRulestheUniverse.com

While writing a column about Italian brunch I remembered that I had an unread copy of The Monster of Florence, so I opened it and promptly ruined a good night’s sleep. Bad idea to start reading a true story about a serial killer who kills couples making out in parked cars—and then cuts out the woman’s vagina—at 11 pm.

The Monster of Florence murdered 16 people between 1968 and 1985, and according to authors Douglas Preston and Mario Spezi, he’s still out there. Three people were arrested and convicted as the Monster, but their convictions were based on testimony that was probably manufactured, given by witnesses who were mostly unreliable, to support wacko conspiracy theories pushed by prosecutors and judges who leveraged the very high-profile case into plum official positions for themselves. Evidence that did not support the conspiracy theory (A Satanic cult hired the killers to murder couples and steal the vaginas for their black masses!) was thrown out, and a profile requested from FBI’s famous Behavioral Science Unit completely ignored.

At one point journalist Mario Spezi, who had covered the Monster from the beginning and knows more about the case than anyone besides the serial killer himself, was arrested for obstruction of justice. So the book is actually two horror stories: the bloody crimes of a serial killer, and the Stygian labyrinth of the criminal justice system.

The man whom Preston and Spezi believe is the real Monster was never tried. He continues to maintain his innocence. He is now in his early 50s (The authors say he did not commit the 1968 murders but he started while he was still in his teens). In interviews he seemed less bothered by the suspicion that he was the Monster than by the implication that he was sexually impotent.

According to Preston (who also writes a bestselling series of crime novels with Lincoln Child featuring FBI Agent Pendergrast), the Monster investigation provided Thomas Harris with a lot of material for Hannibal, his sequel to The Silence of the Lambs. (Apparently there is a whole Monster subplot in the book that was not included in the film.) For instance, Sardinians were among the initial suspects, and Sardinian clans were known to engage in kidnapping for ransom. In one case the ransom wasn’t paid, so the victim was fed to man-eating pigs. Like the Gary Oldman character in Ridley Scott’s film adaptation. (There are also man-eating pigs in Deadwood.)

Ridley Scott himself has a cameo in the Monster story—a tape of the Blade Runner soundtrack by Vangelis was playing in a van where two of the victims were killed. (Which Filipino classic movie features music by Vangelis? Temptation Island! Walang tubig, walang pagkain, magsayaw na lang tayo.)

Thomas Harris also borrows from Florentine history—the policeman played by Giancarlo Giannini in the film is a descendant of the Pazzi who tried to assassinate Lorenzo de Medici. The historical Pazzi’s gory end was similar to his fictional descendant’s. Harris had asked the noble Capponi family if it would be all right to make Dr. Hannibal Lecter the curator of the Capponi archive. The Capponi family agreed, as long as the family would not be the main course.

My search for human characters led me to the late French director Eric Rohmer and his late period movie, Conte d’automne (Autumn Tale). Eric Rohmer movies are very comforting because his people have the same ordinary, largely uneventful lives we do, but the way they analyze their desires and motives makes them more interesting. Watching Autumn Tale again, it occurred to me that it would work as a Tagalog movie—well-meaning friends interfering with each other’s lives, trying to play matchmaker, and complicating simple situations.

Isabelle and Magali have been friends since childhood. Both are in their mid-40s, with two grown-up children apiece. Isabelle, who is happily married, runs a bookstore in town; Magali, a widow, runs a vineyard which she hardly ever leaves. Magali has a son, Leo, who is dating his classmate, Rosine. Before Leo, Rosine had a relationship with her much older professor, Etienne; she broke it off, he’s in love with her, they’re trying to be friends but it’s difficult. Rosine tells Etienne that she won’t see him until he finds another girlfriend. Rosine has grown very close to Magali, an intelligent but prickly woman who doesn’t get along with her own daughter or with Isabelle’s.

This is Magali. She has very big hair.

Magali confesses to Isabelle and Rosine that she misses having a man in her life, and the two pakialamera promptly get to work. Unbeknownst to Magali, Isabelle puts a personal ad in the local paper and vets potential dates for Magali. Rosine breaks her own rule not to see Etienne, and convinces him to meet Magali. Meanwhile Isabelle meets Gerald, who had answered the personal ad, and she pretends that she is Magali. It takes Isabelle three lunches with Gerald to decide that he’s perfect for Magali. She wants everyone to fall in love with her, especially the men she’s not in love with, she tells Gerald, although it is also possible that she is attracted to Gerald. Finally she reveals that she’s auditioning him for her friend, and Gerald is not pleased at first, but allows himself to be persuaded. Rosine spots Isabelle and Gerald in the parking lot and hides; she tells Etienne that when she sees two people together she assumes there may be something going on. Oddly enough she insists that there is nothing going on between her and Etienne but friendship.

This is pretty Rosine with her ex and ex-teacher Etienne, who is attractive in the big-nosed French way.

Independently of each other, Isabelle and Rosine arrange to have their candidates (Gerald and Etienne) meet Magali at the wedding of Isabelle’s daughter. At the buffet Magali strikes up a conversation with Gerald and they clearly hit it off. Rosine pulls Magali away to introduce her to Etienne; they do not hit it off, and Magali is downright hostile. Meanwhile Gerald reports to Isabelle that the introduction was a complete success; Isabelle gives him a drunken/affectionate kiss just as Magali walks in. Magali hurries off, thinking Gerald is Isabelle’s lover.

Isabelle took three secret lunches to decide that Gerald was a suitable date for Magali.

At the same party Etienne runs into a former student of his, a very attractive girl. Rosine sees them apparently flirting and gets angry. Magali wants to go home immediately, but her son Leo has gone off in her car to watch a football game so she has to wait. Isabelle discovers Magali sulking and tells her that another guest is going her way and can drive her home. She introduces Magali to the other guest. Of course it is Gerald.

Etienne drives Rosine home and she picks a fight with him over the former student. Gerald drives Magali home, and she interrogates him about how he met Isabelle. Then she realizes that Isabelle had published a personal ad. She gets all prickly and tells Gerald to drop her off at the train station, she’s going to visit her daughter. Gerald is confused, but she cannot be swayed. She goes into the train station and sits there until she’s sure Gerald has left. Gerald waits a bit, but finally drives off.

Magali takes a taxi back to Isabelle’s house, where she confronts her friend over the personal ad. Isabelle explains, they discuss, then they have a good laugh. It’s just too bad, Magali says; she liked Gerald but had behaved so strangely he would never want to see her again. Just then Gerald appears to tell Isabelle what her friend had done.

Halfway through The Rehearsal I abandoned the book. I wanted to keep going but it had begun to feel like homework. It’s very impressive, stylish, worthy of the accolades, but I was looking for human beings to feel for. The novel is about a high school sex scandal—a music teacher is discovered to be having an affair with a student—but you don’t actually meet the protagonists. Instead the author presents us with fictional characters who imagine themselves as protagonists in the ongoing drama as if they were actors auditioning for roles in a play. There’s also an acting school in which the students are trying to get into character. The result is to distance the reader from the story so it feels like you’re watching ants in an aquarium. Clever as hell, but cold. I read novels because I want to feel, not think about feeling. I already do too much of that in real life.

Read an excerpt from The Rehearsal by Eleanor Catton.

The winner of LitWit Challenge 3.2: Talking Animals is. . .Cacs for the death of a celebrity chef as witnessed by 800 eyes. Congratulations! There were several fine entries in this batch; in the end we picked the funniest.

Cacs, you can pick up your prize any time starting today at National Bookstore in Power Plant Mall, Rockwell, Makati. It’s at the Customer Service counter; just give them the email address you used to register on this site.

As always, thanks to National Bookstore for our prizes.

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This week’s LitWit Challenge is inspired by Steven Slater, the flight attendant who had a meltdown after a passenger opened the overhead bin on a taxiing plane, causing a bag to fall out and conk the FA on the head. The passenger not only refused to apologize, he told the FA to fuck off. An enraged Steven Slater cussed out the passengers on the PA system, grabbed two beers from the beverage cart, opened the emergency exit and slid down the chute to the tarmac. What self control. I would’ve opened the emergency exit and thrown the passenger off the plane, without the chute.

Here’s your writing assignment. You are having a very bad day at work (whatever your job is) or at school. You are under a lot of stress. Then someone does something he or she has been specifically told not to do, and instead of apologizing he/she tells you to fuck off. You freak out.

Write your monologue, in 700 words or less, summing up your frustration and rage at your job, your office, your employer and co-workers, ending with your spectacular exit. (If it’s too close to the truth, request to have your entry posted anonymously and we’ll assign you a number.)

The prize: 2666, the 898-page five-in-one novel by the late Chilean author Roberto Bolaño. It should keep you occupied while you’re looking for your next job.

At the very least you could drop it on the head of someone who makes your life miserable.

The deadline: 11.59 pm on 21 August 2010, anniversary of an important day in Philippine history that also had to do with airplanes.

Andiamo! Andale! The Weekly LitWit Challenge is brought to you by our friends at National Bookstore.

Happy Birthday, Matthias Eomer Octavian Federer-Urban!

Look at that beautiful face. Such a sweet cat—he doesn’t mind getting hugged, unlike Koosi and Saffy, who endure it for ten seconds before bringing out the claws.

Thanks to his tireless work during his career as neighborhood stud, the cats in the area have gotten bigger and purrtier.

Today Mat is the Oracle. You may post your questions in Comments. He also grants wishes. And accepts tributes. Leave them at Wild Ginger in the basement of Power Plant, Rockwell.

This is a piece about sailing that I wrote for High Profile magazine in March 2009. I also edited the book Chasing Moonlight: My mid-centennial victory by Vince Perez.

Green Water, White Lather
Vince Perez and Subic Centennial race to victory in the South China Sea
By Jessica Zafra

When most men turn 50 they take stock of their lives and make plans for the future, which is no longer as distant or vague as it used to be. Some of them throw a party, some buy a sports car, some deny the passage of the years. When businessman and environmentalist Vince Perez turned fifty, he decided to do two things: take to the sea, and write a book about it.

Vince had been sailing since his childhood. His father, Vicente Perez, had sailed around Oyster Bay as a cadet at the U.S. Merchant Marine Academy. As a Commander in the Philippine Navy, Perez senior took up sailing as a hobby, and Vince and his siblings spent their weekends at the Army and Navy Club.

Vince’s parents Vic and Lucy Perez sailing around Manila Bay in 1958

Vince’s banking career took him to Pittsburgh, New York, London, and Singapore, but he never got over his love of the sea. In New York, where he was the first Asian partner at Lazard Freres, he bought a small boat which he christened Leigh Ann, after his wife Leigh Talmage. When the couple returned to the Philippines in 1996, they acquired a Mumm 30 sailboat built by the legendary Bruce Farr. They called it Lethal Viper—a play on their names—and it won a few regattas.

Vince and Leigh in Komodo, Indonesia

The following year Vince’s friend and fellow banker Ernesto “Judes” Echauz invited him to join the syndicate that acquired Subic Centennial, a 46-foot Sydney yacht designed by Iain Murray and built by Australia’s largest yacht builder, Bashford International.

The boat was named for the Centennial of the Philippine Republic, and it did its home country proud. During its debut year in 1997, as the nation marked its 100th year, Subic Centennial won the Raja Muda Regatta in Malaysia, the King’s Cup in Phuket, and the Straits Regatta in Singapore. Vince was part of the crew in the Singapore race, and he joined them again in 1998, when Subic Centennial won the China Sea Race. This biennial race, which started in 1962, is considered one of the world’s greatest offshore races, a test of tactics and nerve. It starts at the Royal Hong Kong Yacht Club and ends at the Subic Bay Yacht Club in Olongapo, Philippines.

Subic Centennial went on to bag the most coveted sailing trophy in Asia, the Thomas Lipton Cup. More than the race victories, the most important occasion for Vince was his parents’ 40th wedding anniversary in August 1997, when his father boarded Subic Centennial to sail one last time around Subic Bay with his entire family.

In 2001 Vince was appointed Secretary of Energy in President Gloria Macapagal Arroyo’s administration, and he made the decision to quit sailing. He stepped down as Energy Secretary exactly four years later.

Then in March 2008, ten years after their China Sea Race victory, Judes Echauz asked Vince to join the team once more. “Naturally I was excited at the prospect of sailing again, but I was also full of apprehension,” Vince recalls. “I had not trained since 2000. I was completely physically unprepared for such a challenge. I had hoped to have a few weekends to practice my sailing skills, but I just never found the time. A week before the race, I even considered dropping out of the Subic Centennial crew.”

In the end he decided to accept the challenge to mark his 50th birthday. The crew for the 2008 Rolex China Sea Race was composed of medal winners from the 2007 Southeast Asian Games. Judes Echauz was skipper, Jamie Wilmot the senior coach, Stephen Tan the cockpit manager, and Vince the co-skipper.

“I was seriously out of practice and could not be trusted with the heavy lifting,” Vince laughs. “Although Judes had graciously given me the honorary title of co-skipper, my actual role—for which I was fairly qualified—was that of ballast.

“I would sit on the windward rail as a counter weight to the mast heeling towards the leeward side. If we changed tack, I would shuffle across the deck to the opposite rail. If the winds were to die down, I would go below deck. It’s good to feel useful in some way.”

Despite its combination of experience and fresh talent, Subic Centennial was not considered one of the favorites in the race. The competition included formidable entries from Australia, New Zealand, and Hong Kong, and another Philippine entry, Challenge led by Manny Tanco.

A conservationist and advocate of clean, sustainable energy, Vince had just been named Chairman of World Wide Fund (WWF) Philippines. His vice-chair, Lory Tan, had urged him to keep a log of sightings of marine life during the China Sea Race. Vince not only kept a log, he also described the hardships and humorous moments of the race and reflected on his personal and professional journey of the past fifty years. The result is Chasing Moonlight: My mid-centennial victory, an action-packed, often revealing account of the 2008 Rolex China Sea Race.

By the way, the race ended in another victory for Subic Centennial.

The crew of Subic Centennial sitting under the gennaker

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Excerpt from Chasing Moonlight: My mid-centennial victory by Vince Perez

March 20. Thursday. 1803h. First radio positioning.

Later during that wretched night, Judes and I decided to strap on life harnesses to the lifeline around the boat. This was a safety precaution in case a large wave washed one of us overboard. The life harness was also a life jacket. Suddenly a rogue wave smashed onto me, crashing down with such force that it triggered the automatic inflation of my life jacket. Picture me sitting there with my hair dripping wet and plastered onto my scalp, wearing a yellow balloon like a fat, loud necktie. Mercifully there were no cameras present.

Skippers Judes Echauz and Vince Perez are interviewed by CNN after Subic Centennial crossed the finish line. If they seem a little perplexed by the attention it’s because they did not know they had won the race.

Chasing Moonlight: My mid-centennial victory by Vince Perez is available at National Bookstores, in the Autobiography section.