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James pointed me to this clip from an early Ishmael Bernal movie, Pito Ang Asawa Ko (I Have Seven Wives, or if you’re finicky, Seven Wives Have I). Today Bernal is probably best known for directing Himala and Manila By Night, but he also made some killer comedies like the original Working Girls and my favorite Bernal, Salawahan (Two-Timer).

I haven’t seen Pito Ang Asawa Ko in its entirety, but this snippet is hysterical. The man in his underwear is Vic Vargas, who was the leading movie hunk when we were kids. (Consider how the concept of “hunk” has evolved from Vic Vargas to Piolo Pascual.) The wife who throws him out is Gloria Romero, who now plays saintly old ladies, and the gay friend is the writer Orlando Nadres.

This is my translation.

Gloria: Put it down there. One more thing, the watch. Take it off. Put it down there. Now you can go.
Vic: You bought this. Should I take it off?
Gloria: I have no time for comedy. Get out!

At the gay friend’s house.
Vic: Just a moment, buddy.
Orlando: Douglas! Why are you in your. . .
Vic: Later. Pay the cab first.
Orlando: You show up here at midnight and. . .
Vic: Pay the taxi first, he might get caught in the curfew. (Note: During the martial law years there was a 12 o’clock curfew. No one could be out on the streets after midnight. This did not curtail the social lives of Filipinos. They just threw sleepover parties.)
Orlando: How much?
Vic: Eleven-forty.
Orlando: P11.40?! Where did you come from, Hong Kong?
Vic: Cut the blabber, pay the man.
Orlando: Douglas, you will never change. I introduced you to these society women like Amparo so you could marry up and get settled and then you turn up at midnight. . .
Vic: Are you paying him or not!
Orlando: I am paying. You’re always “Pay this, pay that.” Move it. How many times must I tell you that I am not Aristotle Onassis? I am but a humble owner of a beauty parlor. But a society parlor. What do I get from you? Nothing.
Vic: What do you mean, nothing? I let you get some.
Orlando: “What do you mean, nothing? I let you get some.” Once a year, sometimes not even that. How much?
Vic: P11.40.
Orlando: Here’s ten. One peso. Forty cents more. Forty. Okay.
Vic: Here.