Auntie Janey’s Old Fashioned Agony Column # 4
Dear Auntie Janey,
What if someone asks me out on a date via Twitter and I say yes. Does that mean I’m easy to get? Isn’t asking someone out in such a public medium as Twitter the same difference as when you’re in a crowded MRT station (Santolan, northbound) and a handsome dude in the same station, but southbound, shouts and asks you if you’re free at such-and-such time, day, year, etc?
Is it even proper to ask someone out via Twitter? Or to conduct a courtship? Am I a prude for even thinking/asking this?
Thankfully,
Medy
The Judgment of Paris, by Lucas Cranach the Elder
Dear Medy,
If you are Bea Alonzo and the guy is John Lloyd Cruz and you are screaming at each other while Toni Gonzaga is singing in the background on the MRT platform, that would be slightly entertaining. However the possibility of being a protagonist in such a scene is very remote for ordinary mortals who are not connected with Star Cinema.
Almost everyone on the planet has a Facebook and/or Twitter account —something we have in common with the stars. But that’s about it. No one is ever going to talk about our status statements or tweets in gossip columns or on showbiz talk shows. But if someone did ask you out by posting on your Facebook wall or by tweeting, your friends would certainly go into a frenzy and promptly click “Like”. You could also grit your teeth and die of embarrassment whilst your mother interrogates the guy with a series of comments annexed to the wall post.
If you like the guy who asks you out online very, very, very much, sing songs of praise to the heavens and write letters to the Vatican demanding that Mark Zuckerberg be canonized. Also say a prayer for whoever invented Twitter. Be delirious with joy. Scream into your pillow in the middle of the night. However, proper decorum must always be observed when dealing with the object of your dearest affections.
As a proper lady, send him a curt and pleasant private message with your contact information. In your communications with him, you should always be pleasant, light, flirtatious and fun–none of the heavy stuff. Never mention that you really, really, really, want to get married or have a relationship because you will sound desperate. And please, no venting of anger: do not embark on discussions about your angst. If you do these, you will either scare him away or attract the needy, angry or gloomy.
The Judgment of Paris by Peter Paul Rubens
You may study his profile and even copy some of his adorable pictures but I advise you to refrain from stalking your quarry online. If you do that, you will be making him the center of your universe. I tell you, when you meet him in person your obsession with him will show and he will know right away that you are very interested and he need no longer exert much effort in wooing you. Remember, the goal here is for your Paris to freely offer the golden apple to you, and not for you to bribe him with your cherry. Do not ever let him know that you have thoroughly analyzed his profile information and searched for him on Google. Allow him to unravel of his own volition.
In your public profile, do not reveal too much of yourself. Only upload flattering pictures, pictures that illustrate your interests and pictures that show you having a happy and busy life. Please, PLEASE do not post details of your day via your status updates for they will only highlight the fact that your life is mundane. Nobody wants mundane. Yes it’s a little deceptive but, darlings, all ads are.
When he chats with you, do it only for a few minutes and end the chat first. Log off if you have to. This will heighten his interest in you and he will look for ways to keep in touch. This has been done to me and I tell you, it’s effective. Your goal in denying him the pleasure of conversing with you online is to goad him into thinking that he must meet with you in order to have a decent conversation. The idea of asking you out must be his; you should never give any hint that you’d want him to ask you out.
In the event that he asks you out, only accept if the date will be at least three days from the time he asked you. Do not agree to meet up for less than the waiting period I have prescribed. In my personal and business dates, I find that the people who want my time always book me at least three days in advance. You should not be too available. If you are too available, other people will take you for granted. How can a hunter make a relentless chase if the prey only makes a feeble attempt to run?
Even in the age of Facebook and Twitter, men would like to be the pursuer. Women must strive to remain as elusive as ever.
The Judgment of Paris, by Will Tuck
Answers to questions you might be asking, unless you wandered onto this site purely by accident >>>
February 24th, 2011 at 06:59
Twitter…
… it will land you an uneditable ED entry. :)
http://images.encyclopediadramatica.com/images/2/20/Locsin_twitter_1.png
http://images.encyclopediadramatica.com/images/0/0b/Locsin_twitter_2.png
February 24th, 2011 at 09:15
Every time I look at this column, I am always surprised and amused by the choice of pictures. Funny and apt.
Look at the glutes of the guy in Rubens’s painting. Love the Barbie tableau.
February 24th, 2011 at 15:29
Ahhh, very well-written.
February 24th, 2011 at 15:33
I sooo love Auntie Janey!!! She’s hilarious!
IMO, I would feel iffy if a guy posts something on my wall, asking me out or tweets me to ask me out because it’s like 1 of 2 things: 1. He is broadcasting it to the world so the girl would be too embarrassed to reject him or say no, or 2. He’s KSP and loves the attention. Pwede naman kasing i-private message di ba, why post it on the wall for all to see? Parang I would doubt the sincerity, even if I really, really like the guy EXCEPT of course, if he’s Gregory Peck or George Peppard when they were in their 30s hehe, GAME NA! There’s an Audrey Hepburn inside me, I think.
February 24th, 2011 at 22:02
re: accepting dates that are three days hence
reminds me of the book The Rules.
hay, the whole entry reminds me of my single and interested days. (as opposed to my single and clueless days or my single and not interested days)
February 24th, 2011 at 23:08
Thank you very much Auntie Janey! i thought it would be easy & straightforward to tell some1 to take me out for a coffee if you want to talk to me but
“The idea of asking you out must be his; you should never give any hint that you’d want him to ask you out. ”
is way kooler.
“Allow him to unravel of his own volition.”
“..only accept if the date will be at least three days from the time he asked you. Do not agree to meet up for less than the waiting period..”
love these.
Thank you.
also, honestly, though i know there’s a johnlloyd bea movie shot in an mrt station, I have no idea (if) there is such a scene like the one i described,pramis.
March 1st, 2011 at 17:46
Auntie Janey, please enlighten me on this past dilemma.
A few years ago, I suffered from what you call the “best-friend-of-the-cute-guy syndrome”. The perennial girl best friend and I kinda got sick of it. Think Joey’s Dawson (although Dawson realized later on that he’s in love with Joey while dating Jen, the new highschool hottie). Guys would come up to me and I become their friend and their “wing girl”. It was fun at first but clearly it was a recipe for emotional disaster not just for me but for guy friends as well. I had no idea how to set boundaries between me and my guy friends.
Case in point: I started having feelings with one of my guy friends. Let’s call him George. Now George is your ultimate boy-next-door type. He has impeccable hygiene, handsome, respectable, smart and funny. The catch: he is head over heels in love with a girl who is not me. Let’s call the girl who is not me Winona. Now Winona is you’re typical pretty girl, what you would call body and face by God, brains by Mattel and George cannot see past that. For him, everything about Winona is cute or charming or adorable and I was this close to throwing myself in the Pasig River. Maybe it was just me, maybe I was too jaded over the fact that I loved George but he has no feelings like that whatsoever for me and I’m upset at Winona for that. And since I was the best girl bud, he expected me to help him out with everything: how to ask her out, which gifts to give, where to take her on their first date, those sort of things. I could not bring myself to tell George about my feelings because it might destroy our friendship. This went on for months until I finally had it and just never showed my face to George. He called and sent me messages on my beeper but I didn’t reply. Eventually he got tired and last I heard he went and lived in the US with his parents. This broke my heart. From then on, I never had a guy best friend again.
So, my concern is, how can a girl avoid becoming the girl best friend of the guy she likes? How do we set the boundaries because clearly, some guys are really dense and they don’t get it. I need Thank you!!!
March 1st, 2011 at 18:57
brewhuh23: “Impeccable hygiene”. The mind boggles at the alternative (peccable hygiene?).
John Hughes movie time! Mary Stuart Masterson in Some Kind of Wonderful.
March 1st, 2011 at 21:48
Jessica — Ahahaha, oo nga no?
Yeah, Some Kind of Wonderful WAS the story of my life :D Now it’s Jaws ahahaha! Darun-darun-darun… SCARY!