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The topography of Mordor, from Peter Jackson’s adaptation of The Lord of the Rings.

In 1999 a Russian paleontologist named Kirill Yeskov published The Last Ring-bearer, a retelling of The Lord of the Rings from the point of view of the hordes of Mordor. The Last Ring-bearer has been translated into English by Yisroel Markov, with the approval of Yeskov. The Tolkien estate zealously protects its property preciousss, but The Last Ring-bear is available as a free download. Yes, a free download. Get it here. Thank you, Messrs Yeskov and Markov.

Laura Miller reviews The Last Ring-bearer in Salon.

In Yeskov’s retelling, the wizard Gandalf is a war-monger intent on crushing the scientific and technological initiative of Mordor and its southern allies because science “destroys the harmony of the world and dries up the souls of men!” He’s in cahoots with the elves, who aim to become “masters of the world,” and turn Middle-earth into a “bad copy” of their magical homeland across the sea. Barad-dur, also known as the Dark Tower and Sauron’s citadel, is, by contrast, described as “that amazing city of alchemists and poets, mechanics and astronomers, philosophers and physicians, the heart of the only civilization in Middle-earth to bet on rational knowledge and bravely pitch its barely adolescent technology against ancient magic.”

Because Gandalf refers to Mordor as the “Evil Empire” and is accused of crafting a “Final Solution to the Mordorian problem” by rival wizard Saruman, he obviously serves as an avatar for Russia’s 20th-century foes. But the juxtaposition of the willfully feudal and backward “West,” happy with “picking lice in its log ‘castles'” while Mordor cultivates learning and embraces change, also recalls the clash between Europe in the early Middle Ages and the more sophisticated and learned Muslim empires to the east and south. Sauron passes a “universal literacy law,” while the shield maiden Eowyn has been raised illiterate, “like most of Rohan’s elite” — good guys Tolkien based on his beloved Anglo-Saxons…

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We’re extending the deadline for the Weekly LitWit Challenge 4.8: No More Food to Thursday, 24 February, at 11.59pm.

Note the question mark: it is the most important part of the title. This is a column pocked with question marks; I do not have the answers, nor do I trust those who claim to have them. I am especially wary of people and groups who issue prescriptions about how we should live—too many of those become the stars of tabloid exposés.

We think our moral compasses are so finely-tuned that in moments of crisis we will always, automatically, do the right thing. We want to believe that when we are tested we will know exactly how to answer, and that answer will be firmly on the side of truth and justice. How do we know this? Where does our absolute certainty come from?
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On the occasion of the release of the new Radiohead album NME put together 50 Incredibly Geeky Facts About Radiohead. And we read the whole list. A couple of factoids:

* Jeff Buckley was a bigger influence on Radiohead than they would perhaps today admit. ‘The Bends’ producer John Leckie, recalling the profound effect seeing Buckley had on Thom Yorke, said: “It made him realise you could sing in a falsetto without sounding drippy.”

* Thom Yorke recorded the vocals to ‘Fake Plastic Trees’ in late 1994 just after seeing Jeff Buckley play the Garage in London. Apparently, an inspired Yorke rushed back to the studio, did two takes then broke down in tears.

Ach, we almost feel an affinity to Thom Yorke. That is not easy. (Although Radiohead got its name from a Talking Heads song and we were an extra in David Byrne’s book and album with Fatboy Slim. One degree of separation?)

Here’s a song off their new album:

Our favorite Radiohead album is Kid A. We want to make a movie so we can use it as a soundtrack. (We loved Jonny Greenwood’s work on There Will Be Blood and thought he should’ve gotten an Oscar.)

What happened to Radiohead’s Pay-what-you-want experiment? The buyers shelled out an average of 2.90 pounds, with most of them opting to pay nothing. Conclusion: the audience is cheap.

Resolved: Watch Radiohead in concert this year.

Petra and Pilar is on the ground floor of JAKA Center, Export Avenue corner Pasong Tamo, Makati, telephones 887.5168 and 893.5531 loc. 480, 481.

We’d been planning to visit Petra & Pilar for ages but never got around to it, you know how it is—you resolve to try new restaurants and end up eating at the same place over and over again. Then for two weeks we kept running into Jake their publicist and he kept inviting us to dinner and we finally went. Good timing too, because the chef was introducing a new menu.

Chef Tristan Bayani has created a new menu of Spanish-Filipino dishes “with a twist”.

Petra & Pilar serves modern versions of traditional Spanish-Filipino dishes, carinderia-style. (It is not to be confused with the much-missed Pepe & Pilar in Malate, where we could have champorado and tuyo at 1 in the morning.) Petra and Pilar were the grandmothers of restaurant owner Katrina Ponce-Enrile; the restaurant’s dishes are based on their family recipes. So there are Ilocano classics such as Pinapaitan (tripe stewed in goat bile) and Spanish dishes like Callos (stewed ox tripe and veal shanks).

Gambas with aligue (crab fat) sauce. Cardiologists would have seizures.

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Photo: Boris Spassky and Bobby Fischer after Spassky won the first game of the 1972 World Chess Championship, held in Reykjavík, Iceland. Fischer went on to win the championship.

Read The Bobby Fischer Defence by Garry Kasparov in NYRB.

When I was a kid the world chess championships were front-page news—they were another front in the Cold War. One thing about the Cold War: intelligence was the weapon everyone feared the most.

Yes, Bobby Fischer lived here. Had a girlfriend. The DNA test came in: the child isn’t his.