JessicaRulestheUniverse.com

Channing Tatum: cut-price steak in armor. He could go for the Russell Crowe roles but the pouty lips are distracting. Then there is the small matter of talent. Not that he’s a bad actor, but. Aiiieeeeee is the leader of the Picts Alain Delon? Is it is it is it? Naah I would’ve heard about that. They make a testudo! Clearly I am the target market for this movie: people who get excited when they see a testudo. Where did I put my Rome dvds?

Ohh Billy Elliot is all grown up. Good thing Jamie Bell doesn’t have the child star curse: he’s not a midget. Is he following the Christian Bale career model? Ayyy my friends will interpret the master-slave relationship as romantic. Well friendship between guys is complex. I’m glad I’m not a guy. Must tell Teddy-wan Kenobi about this movie, and borrow the Rosemary Sutcliff book from Tina I’m sure she has it.

Is this Scotland? Wow it’s so wild. Love Kevin Macdonald, I’ve seen all his movies. Have I mentioned he is the grandson of Emeric Pressburger, movie nerd alert? It’s not easy to make a movie about honor these days, it seems so retro. Good take on colonialism. . .Eeeeeeee is that Tahar Rahim of Un Prophete under the fearsome warrior paint? I am plotzing with joy.