Notes on Sexual Politics in the 21st Century: Re-calibrating the Gaydar
BAKLAVA? Photo from Time Out Sydney.
We were doing annual maintenance checks on our Gaydars, the built-in sensors that tell us whether a guy is straight or gay. These are sophisticated apps that automatically react to the presence of males: dead silence for heterosexuals (which occasionally triggers the Hot Guy in the Building alarm), blips of varying loudness for disorientating orientations (“Did someone order the baklava?”), and air raid sirens that mean, “Sweetie, let’s go shopping in the girls’ lingerie department!!” (Heartbreaking when their cup size is bigger than yours.)
This app is not downloadable. It can only be developed after years of hanging out with gay men, discussing Madonna’s career trajectory with them, denouncing all Academy Awardees for Best Actress who are not Meryl Streep (except Marion Cotillard, long story), and analyzing their relationship histories (exponentially more exciting than mine). Recently I realized that I can name the stars of UFC even if I know nothing about the sport. This is because my friend and I sometimes have dinner at the bar near his house, where the TV is always tuned to UFC matches. As we cannot critique the production design, cinematography or musical score of the fights our discussion is limited to “Okay, which one is yours?”
Read the full Emotional Weather Report today in the Philippine Star.
Photo by Rickyv
Answers to questions you might be asking, unless you wandered onto this site purely by accident >>>
March 13th, 2011 at 08:23
AHA! So I’m not the only person in the planet who yells out “Baklava!” whenever my gaydar starts pinging!
(My favorite variety of baklava will always be, now and forever, pistachio – especially when it’s made with kataifi, which is the variety of phyllo pastry that looks like pansit.)
Which reminds me: I have an otherwise straight friend who is cultured, intelligent, loves food, owns albums by Lady Gaga, *and* lives in San Francisco. He also doesn’t mind when he sets off people’s gaydar, because… well, he does live in San Francisco.
March 13th, 2011 at 11:02
I got paranoid when I was forming a gay and lesbian Facebook group (without giving the group an obviously gay name). I started adding two names and then Facebook suggested “people that you may want to add to this group.” When I looked at the suggested people…they were the ones I suspected to be gay. It sort of freaked me out.
March 13th, 2011 at 12:53
UFC Is my cheesecake. Especially the Matt Serra era.
Despite being gay, I do not seem to have a functioning gaydar. Maybe it’s because I’m a geek above all else.
March 13th, 2011 at 23:44
I love the ring!
March 14th, 2011 at 22:23
My dad reads the Philippine Star. This happened yesterday.
Dad: May gaydar ka ba?
Me: HA? (I almost had a heart attack)
Dad: May gaydar ka ba?
Me: Uh…meron pero medyo marupok na eh. Bakit?
Dad: Wala lang. (walks away)
I had to check what it was about. He was reading your article hahaha.
March 21st, 2011 at 00:38
@Ejia – Wah! The UFC! Serra’s era wasn’t that long in the welterweight division. What about St-Pierre’s time now? I am painfully biased because I like his similarities with the Terminator. hehehe
March 21st, 2011 at 00:41
Pasensya na pala sa super late na reply. Ngayon lang kasi ako nagkapanahon na mag-Internet. Nakakalungkot.