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We open a new series of Weekly LitWit Challenges with the ever-popular 1,000 Words contest.

Here is the picture.

Philippine Volcanoes national rugby team captain Michael Letts visits a call center in Bonifacio Global City, February 2011. Photo by JZ. Your story need not involve rugby players, Lettsies, tall guys with freckles, call centers, or Bonifacio unless you insist.

Now write us the story this picture is telling you. 1,000 words, preferably less. Post your stories in Comments on or before midnight of Saturday, 12 March 2011.

We got a grand total of two entries in the last challenge, Books vs. Movies. Sad. So we’re declaring that contest void, and giving away those prizes in this week’s challenge. The Top 8 entries in LitWit Challenge 5.1: Brrrrrring! will receive copies of Never Let Me Go by Kazuo Ishiguro plus the official movie poster of Never Let Me Go starring Knightley-Garfield-Mulligan.

The Weekly LitWit Challenge is brought to you by our friends at National Bookstore.

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The Yucch-meter is back from a longish break, refreshed and ready to cut off some heads. What have we got?

#1 rice_cooker. Garden-variety tale of unrequited passion set in a call center. The location is wasted: there is no good reason why this story should take place in a call center. Apparently this call center has a grand total of two employees, the narrator and the object of his desires. But our main problem with this entry: Inept figures of speech. “Piano-long fingers”—They’re 2.2 meters long?? What is she, a giant squid? She has a “coke figure”—emaciated and nervous?? You mean capital C plus bottle. “Her laugh is braying like a donkey”—Do consult the spelling and grammar checker on your word processing application, it would spare you so much grief and spare us so much annoyance.

In general something happens in a story. In this one the narrator pines from beginning to end, eliciting not sympathy but the urge to put him out of his misery.

#2 Askaniclan. Shrewdly exploits consumer fury at inefficient customer service. Actually knows something about how call centers operate. Hilarious! Not a waste of Michael’s picture.

Chemistry. Matt Damon and Emily Blunt have it. They meet in the men’s bathroom and bam! We want them to end up together so we’re prepared to overlook the silliness and logical inconsistencies of The Adjustment Bureau, writer-director George Nolfi’s adaptation of a short story by Philip K. Dick.

The Adjustment Bureau is not the science-fiction thriller its unattractive promos promise, but a love story propelled by the ultimate romantic situation: Fate Is Against Us! (Ipinagkait ng tadhana ang ating pag-ibig! O hindi!)

Fate in the form of men with hats who ensure that The Plan for mankind is carried out. Because every time the human race is allowed to exercise free will it screws up. Since people too inept to make our own decisions, these are left to bureaucrats like Anthony Mackie, John Slattery and Terence Stamp—their main qualification as far as we can tell is that they look good in fedoras. (We speak for many when we say: John Slattery, feel free to interfere with my fate.)

Good to see Matt Damon interacting with a woman onscreen again; lately he’s been alone or with a bunch of guys. (I think his last onscreen romance was with Franka Potente—and you know what happens in the sequel.) And we’ve been fans of Emily Blunt since The Devil Wears Prada so we approve of this silly movie.

As film adaptations of the work of Philip K. Dick go, Blade Runner being the highest-rated and Total Recall the worst, The Adjustment Bureau falls between Paycheck and A Scanner Darkly.

Bookshelf of famous person (whose name we forgot to take down) at the Victoria and Albert Museum, London. If you know whose shelf this is give us a holler.

Bookshelf of James Franco that he posted on Twitter. Is that a large-type illustrated edition of The Great Gatsby? Is that a beer? Look, a Cartman doll. We have the same edition of Gravity’s Rainbow.

Our bookshelf, #6 of 8. Koosi is the guardian. We like rubber duckies and NYRB Classics. And we do have a lot of books about Stalin.

Send us a photo of your bookshelf. koosiobrien@gmail.com.

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Hmmm Stoppard, Papp, Kazan, Tynan. . .I smell a theatre critic! And I am right! Bookshelf of Gibbs, who writes about theatre and the arts. Corner brackets bookshelves: aesthetically pleasing and an excellent space-saving idea.

We don’t even have to read the spines to know the profession of the owner of this bookshelf. Dianne is a lawyer or law student. Wait, where’s the bookshelf? She hasn’t found the right one. In the meantime, this…theoretical shelf is also a weight training program.

This is the bookshelf of siblings Kim and Rex in Leyte. We cannot read the spines but we recognize that edition of the Marquis De Sade, rightmost, fourth shelf from the top.

This shelf belongs to Hans who just graduated from college. Lots of graphic novels in it. Oh look, Black Hole. We hear David Fincher is going to make the movie.

Red’s just moved out of the parents’ house so the books are in boxes that double as chairs for guests. The Slap! Now out in paperback. People used to call them “pocketbooks”. Which also means handbags. Confusion. I know someone who makes a hollow in the middle of an old book and stashes money in it.

My favorite money-in-book story is that of my friend who found a hundred-dollar bill inside a second-hand book.

Koosi is the librarian. If you are not authorized to take a book from the shelf, slasssh! She also bites when she’s feeling frisky. Shelf 7 of 8. My sister and I have shared custody of the Lord of the Rings memorabilia. She has all the villains including the fell beast that she uses as a mobile. The hero action figures are in their original boxes (geeks) but we take them out and play with them sometimes.

Napoleon at Austerlitz

A task of this nature requires a company of like-minded individuals. We learned from the movie 127 Hours that if we are off on a trip we must always tell someone exactly where we’re going. This way if we don’t return, someone will come looking for us. Embarking on W+P is like rock-climbing, and not just because your arm could get crushed by this massive tome. It is best to have people you can discuss the book with, and if anyone’s attention flags you can egg each other on.

Scaling Mount Tolstoy in Emotional Weather Report, today in the Philippine Star. Thanks to the reading group members for their input. We’re nearly there.

From cinema la superlativ on flickr.

Mastroianni Day
by Joao Paulo Cuenca

Mastroianni Day [Exp–Adj]: in accordance with the universal lexicon, a day is deemed to be “Mastroianni” (from Marcello, Italian actor, 1924–96) when spent merrily sauntering about in the company of beautiful women, blown along by the whim of circumstance, devoid of any sense of purpose. The classic “Mastroianni Day” requires a three-piece suit, dark sunglasses, and, preferably, a hat. Some lexicographers would also include compulsive self-adulation, the drinking of dry martinis and/or gin and tonics, shallow metaphysical crises, betting on horses, mixing in unfamiliar circles, and attending parties uninvited.

Read the story at Words Without Borders.