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We’ve always associated Lent with movie epics: Stephen Boyd wearing heavy eyeliner as Nimrod in The Bible, Boyd’s Messala watching Charlton Heston’s Ben-Hur like a matron on a diet eyes a steak, Ben-Hur’s love interest—an actress who bore the unforgettable name Haya Harareet, Heston as Moses parting the Red Sea, Anne Baxter as the Egyptian princess saying, “Moses, Moses, Moses, you stubborn, adorable fool!”

Every year my parents would take me to the cinema on Good Friday to watch a scratchy print of a biblical tale; the story in my family is that during the crucifixion scene in Cecil B. DeMille’s King of Kings, my seven-year-old self declared, “He has no armpit hair.” We feel bad for the younger generation whose Lenten fare consists of such punitive gristle as The Passion of the Christ.

Sean Bean as Boromir I mean Eddard Stark in Game Of Thrones.

This year we sat down and digested two epics: the first episode of HBO’s Game Of Thrones, and four episodes of The Borgias. The first is a fantasy adventure series based on the saga by George R.R. Martin, the second a “historical” drama based on the story of the notorious Borgia family. Interestingly enough, Game is being marketed as “The Sopranos with swords”, after HBO’s famous franchise, and The Borgias (Tagline: “The Original Crime Family”) openly courts comparison to The Godfather, down to the cross-cutting between an assassination attempt and a church ceremony.

Jeremy Irons as Rodrigo Borgia a.k.a. Pope Alexander VI and Francois Arnaud as Cesare Borgia.

That’s not all they have in common. The two shows are about families caught in a bloody struggle for power. Each show features the most sumptuous production design and costumes. Both have major characters who are blindingly blonde virgins. Both have major subplots involving incest, and both take advantage of the freedom of cable with scenes of graphic sex and violence.

Peter Dinklage as Tyrion Lannister “The Imp”.

If you watched the first 14 minutes of Game of Thrones that we posted here, you know that many heads roll in the HBO series. Episode 1 introduces the many characters in the epic and sketches their familial and political relationships. There’s the Lord Eddard Stark and his children, including little Arya who promises to be badass, and the bastard Jon Snow whom I took to immediately because he argued for adopting the wolf pups. We have high hopes for the dwarf Tyrion Lannister, who has a memorable conversation with Jon Snow. Their exchange is taken straight from the book.

“Let me give you some counsel, bastard,” Lannister said. “Never forget what you are, for surely the world will not. Make it your strength. Then it can never be your weakness. Armour yourself in it, and it can never be used to hurt you.”

“All dwarfs are bastards in their father’s eyes.”

On the basis of this conversation (and the literal cliffhanger ending) I have resolved to read the books. It helps that when you hear Peter Dinklage’s voice you expect a handsome man, and when you see Dinklage you are oddly not disappointed.

Francois Arnaud as Cesare and Holliday Grainger as his sister the unjustly infamous Lucrezia.

Neil Jordan (The Crying Game, The End of the Affair) is credited as writer and producer of The Borgias, and he directed the two-hour series premiere. The Borgias opens with Pope Innocent on his deathbed and the cardinals jockeying to be his successor. The leading candidates are the Spaniard Rodrigo Borgia (Jeremy Irons), whom everyone in Rome knows has grown-up children by his mistress, one of whom is a bishop, and the Italian Giuliano della Rovere (Colm Feore), who also has children. We wonder what these (Spoiler!) historical popes would say about the Reproductive Health Bill. They would probably be more open-minded, having actually reproduced.

We admit we have a soft spot for Della Rovere, who will go on to commission Michelangelo to paint the Sistine Chapel. Borgia out-schemes and out-maneuvers Della Rovere, and with the help of his son and enforcer Cesare gets himself elected Pope Alexander VI. Whereupon he tells his mistress that they can no longer be seen to have a relationship. . .and promptly gets himself a new mistress, the aristocratic Giulia Farnese.

Colm Feore as Giuliano della Rovere

Entertainment-wise you can’t go wrong with a subject like The Borgias: Name another family who hold their conferences in the confessional. Noel loves how Rodrigo commissioned Pinturicchio to paint portraits instead of Leonardo da Vinci, who was too expensive. (“Ang mahal ng singil ng baklang yan! Si Pinturicchio na lang, basta dapat maganda ako.”) Meanwhile Della Rovere is trying to get Borgia deposed on the grounds of “public and notorious lechery” (as opposed to “private and secret lechery” like everyone else) and Cesare seems over-fond of his beautiful sister Lucrezia, who must be married off to strengthen Rodrigo’s political position. Noel points out that Lucrezia is doomed. . .to become gayspeak for “crazy”.

Detail from a work by Pinturicchio: Lucrezia Borgia.

We love the pre-Italy Italian nobility, they’re so bonkers. Of course the Borgias are notorious poisoners, conspirators, murderers and lunatics—they were probably demonized unjustly, but they make for grand soap opera. Then there’s the senile King of Naples and his shrill son with his creepy Last Supper tableau. Della Rovere flees Rome and tries to form alliances with other families, such as the Medici in Florence—is that Leonardo’s lost Battle of Anghiari in the background at their dinner? There are guest appearances by Machiavelli, Savonarola (HISSSSSS) and Caterina Sforza. Many liberties are taken—the Sultan’s brother was a “guest” in Rome before Borgia became pope, he was a pothead and probably not that cute—but this is not an academic treatise, it’s entertainment.

Verdict: Entertaining! Love the outfits!