The Weekly LitWit Challenge 5.6: Situation Room
Yesterday the White House released this photo of US President Barack Obama and State Secretary Hillary Clinton watching the live video stream of the raid on the compound of Osama Bin Laden.
Your assignment for the Weekly LitWit Challenge 5.6 is to tell the story of this photograph in 500 words or less, from the point of view of one of the people in it.
As always, post your entries in Comments. The deadline is Sunday, 8 May 2011. The prize is this:
PacMan: Behind the Scenes with Manny Pacquiao, the Greatest Pound-for-Pound Fighter in the World by Gary Andrew Poole.
We predict that the streets of Manila will be traffic-free on Sunday morning because everyone will be watching the Pacquiao-Mosley fight. Of course we’re looking forward to the release of Manny’s CD featuring seven versions of his favorite song, Sometimes When We Touch. And Manny’s signature fragrance, which should be called “You Know?”
Answers to questions you might be asking, unless you wandered onto this site purely by accident >>>
May 4th, 2011 at 11:26
What I wouldn’t give right now to look you in the eye and tell you that your one measly life isn’t enough to pay for all the lives already lost.
Rot in hell you bastard.
May 4th, 2011 at 16:57
man in blue standing behind the man in black fidgets and leans forward, trying to fake profound interest on the tv
*kala ko ba mayaman kami. bat ang liit ng screen? ampangit pa ng resolution… VGA lang ata ang camera na gamit nila a..
* kala ko ba nasa disyerto si bin laden? ang ganda naman pala ng safehouse ng mokong… mansyon!
* teka, ano yun? (looks at the woman standing next to him and whispers) “lola, nakita mo yung babaeng nakaputi? bat parang may baril sa loob ng damit nya? mukhang long arm pa! bongga!”
* (woman’s whispered reply) “sa northern esurope pa natin inorder yan tsong! custom made pero discounted kasi nag bulk order tayo.”
* (looks back at the screen and let’s out a sigh) “ah ok.” antagal naman matapos nito..
suddenly, shouts and gunshots are heard from the screen
* “ay puta! nagulat ako!!!”
* “shet, si bin laden yon o! ayon o!”
* “tangina, ayan na! sya na nga! tirahin nyo! tirahin nyoooo!”
more gunshots, then silence…
then, the people in the room start clapping
and he starts clapping
* hay salamat tapos na. ihing-ihi na talaga ako…
he goes out of the room to pee, leaving the cheers and backslapping behind
* (while peeing) wala man lang popcorn…
May 4th, 2011 at 17:11
Hillary Clinton’s thought cloud:
I don’t know why am I here in the first place. I have a dental schedule today and it is moved just because I am needed in this sortie to see the brutal sadistic video of the killing. Why do I care? Just because I am the State Secretary? This is bullshit.
Hmm. Fine. Just to keep with the zeitgeist, I will try to look shocked and surprised. What action will I do? Bawl and cry? Too dramatic. Stand up and dance boogie? Dull. Exclaim “Hallelujah”? Too Christian. Hmm….Ok, there. I will put my hand over my mouth? I like that. Here we go. They won’t even notice if I yawn.
Oh shit! What’s that on the laptop in front of me? Looks like buns of a muscular man. Ha ha ha ha ha. Oh my, the man in front of me must have heard my stifled laughter. Back to the screen.
I don’t understand this video at all. We all knew he is dead. What’s the fuss? Do I really need to see how the bastard is killed? It’s like watching a Julia Child cooking show.
My hand is starting to cramp now. Five minutes left on the video. Thank God. Oops, i love my coat today. Brown. Oh, wait. I need a publicity for all the hoopla around Osama’s death. How about a biopic? Yes! Biopic! Benicio del Toro would look good on it…after all, he did Che…no, wait….i think Javier Bardem is good also…no,someone Arabic-looking….oh, baloney, make-up can handle that…how about………………………………………………………………
After five minutes…
Hillary: Barack, I really love the video. So inspiring. So heroic. It deserves an Oscar. Super like it! How about a biopic? It will read…’produced by the US government’..Isn’t it nice?
May 4th, 2011 at 17:13
(resending.. changed let’s to lets.. darn self-editing microsoft word! sorry..)
man in blue standing behind the man in black fidgets and leans forward, trying to fake profound interest on the tv
*kala ko ba mayaman kami. bat ang liit ng screen? ampangit pa ng resolution… VGA lang ata ang camera na gamit nila a..
* kala ko ba nasa disyerto si bin laden? ang ganda naman pala ng safehouse ng mokong… mansyon!
* teka, ano yun? (looks at the woman standing next to him and whispers) “lola, nakita mo yung babaeng nakaputi? bat parang may baril sa loob ng damit nya? mukhang long arm pa! bongga!”
* (woman’s whispered reply) “sa northern esurope pa natin inorder yan tsong! custom made pero discounted kasi nag bulk order tayo.”
* (looks back at the screen and lets out a sigh) “ah ok.” antagal naman matapos nito..
suddenly, shouts and gunshots are heard from the screen
* “ay puta! nagulat ako!!!”
* “shet, si bin laden yon o! ayon o!”
* “tangina, ayan na! sya na nga! tirahin nyo! tirahin nyoooo!”
more gunshots, then silence…
then, the people in the room start clapping
and he starts clapping
* hay salamat tapos na. ihing-ihi na talaga ako…
he goes out of the room to pee, leaving the cheers and backslapping behind
* (while peeing) wala man lang popcorn…
May 4th, 2011 at 17:34
Biden: Btw, Barack, where’s your laptop? Say what? Can’t play Modern Warfare 2 on the Macbook? On the Ipad too? Too bad, biatch.
Obama: But, but Angry Birds is so cute…
Gen. Petraeus: Headshot on the raghead! Modern Warfare 2 is the bomb! App yours! Try that on your Macbook Barack baby!
Obama: Unlike
Hillary: Wow. Osama is that your brain i’m seeing? Reminds me of Strawberries and Creme Frappuccino… Hey, who drank my frap?
May 4th, 2011 at 21:24
Hillary: Oh Bill, not again.
May 5th, 2011 at 00:01
Damn Wonderboy, stealing my thunder. We just had to get into this… fuckin’ serious, he said. It’s Sunday night, Labor Day, for fuck’s sake. I’m missing the fuckin’ fireworks.
What can be more serious than fuckin’ taking on my dare to move for Wonderboy’s impeachment for what he dared pull off at fucking Libya? ‘Cause oh, yeah, Joey boy. You’re gonna be the first veep EVER to ride on the fuckin’ coattails of an infinitely charismatic presidential running mate, and then stab him in the back when opportunity fuckin’ knocks… ’cause who are we kidding? There’s no way in fuckin’ hell I’ll fuckin’ win a fuckin’ presidency all by my fuckin’ self. I’m fuckin’ handsome, not smart and popular.
Humm… let’s take a quickie peeky in this fuckin’ file then, I fell asleep during the fuckin’ brief. Operation Geronimo. Say, he sounds fuckin’ familiar.
“Is he one of them fuckin’ Indian-American 7-Eleven guys again? I told y’all, I was fuckin’ KIDDING… Ow!” I glare at Wonderboy. “What’s the fuckin’ matter with you?” Kicking me in the shin. Why, I oughta…
“Focus, Joe.” Kid whispers like a sissy. “They’re moving in for Osama,” he continues.
“Osama, what the fuck is Osama?” I whisper back. “Basack Hurrein Osama?”
Fuckin’ kid ignores me. You want fuckin’ change, Arugula Boy, you’ll fuckin’ get yours, just fuckin’ wait for it.
Back on the fuckin’ screen. These boys better be hunting some Indian whose visa expired. Fuckin’ Indians. You give ’em a chance and they walk all over the place. Fuckin’ blurry camera. I think I need some fuckin’ Advil.
Is it just me, or is Hillary giving me another fuckin’ stinkeye. Bob’s looking more like fuckin’ Hoover each day. Look at Denny. What IS it with everyone tonight, you’d think we’re watching the fuckin’ Superbowl or something. Fuckin’ drag, nothing’s happening. Let’s liven things up a little.
“Stand up, Osama! Let ’em see ya!” So we could all go back and get some sleep. Hillary gives me another fuckin’ stinkeye. Note to have her fuckin’ impeached, too.
For a big, fuckin’ 7-Eleven up there on the screen, it sure looks fuckin’ sparse. Damn fuckin’ Indians. They get their grubby hands on American franchises then fuckin’ scrimp on the American people. Let’s fuckin’ take back America, Americans.
Now Indians are opening fire, our boys fire back, and some Indian grabs a black poncho. Poncho eats fuckin’ lead. I don’t get it, what kind fuckin’ Indians wear fuckin’ black ponchos?
“Oh, no, he didn’t,” Denny says under his breath.
Holy fuckin’ Indian, tell me that was a Big fuckin’ Gulp.
May 5th, 2011 at 11:04
Brigadier General Marshall “Brad” Webb (seated, on President Obama’s left) on Tweeter: @BradWebb: I just Rickrolled everyone in the Situation Room. LMAO.
May 5th, 2011 at 12:37
Barack: Joe, bakit naman twilight yung sinalang mo? Sabi ko The Fighter diba?
Joe Biden: Sir, gusto daw mapanood ni Mam Michelle tsaka nung mga anak mo. Ayaw nila sa itsura ni Christian Bale sir muka daw adik.
Barack: Tigilan mo nga ako. My family’s intelligent enough to discern that vampires don’t fucking shine under the sun!
Joe: Well, eh mukhang gusto ng mga cabinet members mo yung twilight.
Barack:(to the cabinet members) God.. (sighs). Kung alam ko lang na yan ang mga trip nyo di ko kayo kinuha dito sa white house!
Hillary: oooh Look at that! Look at that! Jacob’s 6pack! Winning!
May 5th, 2011 at 21:01
Hillary: Mental note:Bring gas mask next time!
Obama: Mental note: Add more color to this whole gang next time!
Men in the room: Lucky bastard! Wish my wife is that young and will do anything for me!
May 6th, 2011 at 01:59
Girl sa pinakalikod. Pasilip-silip. Patingka-tingkayad.
“‘Tamo ‘tong mga lalaking ‘to. Andami namang silya, ayaw magsiupo. Hindi ko tuloy makita kung ano na ang nangyayari.”
Man in blue sa harap ni Girl: (Lumingon.) O! Andyan ka pala. Hindi kita napansin. (Ngumisi.)
Ngumiti si Girl.
Man in Blue (MIB): (Pabulong.) Hindi mo ba makita? Ako rin e. Ito kasing si sir nakaharang. Napatayo na rin tuloy ako. Pasensya ka na ha? Tumayo ka na lang din. (Ngumisi ulit.)
“Nakatayo na nga ako, #@%!”
MIB: Ha? Ano yun?
“Wala. Sabi ko, parang Counterstrike lang ‘tong pinanonood natin.”
MIB: Oo nga e. Minsan laro tayo. Ano, game ka?
“Shh! manood ka lang. Baka mapagalitan tayo.”
Tumingkayad ulit si Girl. “Ano bang oras matatapos ‘to? Bakit parang kanina pa madilim ang screen?”
“Nakakahilo namang panoorin ‘to, puro night vision ang kuha.”
Sa pinanonood nila, biglang may nagputukan at nagkislapan. Napasinghap ang lahat sa loob ng conference room.
“Ano ba ‘yan nakakagulat! Muntik tuloy matapon ni Ma’am ‘yung kape niya.”
Muling tumahimik. Sa pinanonood nila, ang maririnig lang ay ang paghinga ng mga sundalo. Maya-maya, nagputukan at nagkislapan ulit. Nagkaiba-iba ng facial expression ang mga nasa conference room.
“Hindi na yata kaya ni Ma’am. Napapatakip na ng bibig. Hmmm. I’m sure, nagpipigil lang magmura ‘yan para hindi wa-poise.”
“I’m sure, ‘tong mga boys gusto na ring magtakip ng bibig. Nagpipigil lang.”
“Konti na lang. Konting-konti na lang, makukumpirma ko na kung straight si Sir______.”
“Soljers… isang matinding sabog naman dyan…”
“$#!%! May umutot!”
“Kaya pala nagtakip ng bibig si Ma’am! Ngayon lang nakaabot dito ‘yung amoy! Ambulok! Pwe!”
MIB: (Pabulong.) Naamoy mo ‘yun?
Tumango si Girl.
MIB: Magsalita ka naman dyan.
“Sira! Ayoko nga! Papasok sa bibig ko ‘yung amoy noh!”
Nagluwag ng necktie ang mama sa harap ni MIB. Balisa. Pinagpapawisan. May umamoy na naman. Napahigpit ang pagtatakip ni Hilary sa ilong at bibig niya.
MIB: Si Sir pala! (Napalakas.)
Lumingon ang Boss. Ngumiti si MIB. Kumaway si Girl. Humarap ulit sa TV ang Boss.
“Grabe namang ma-tense ‘to. Nandadamay. Ba’t kaya ‘di nagre-react ‘yung iba? Saka ba’t naunang naamoy ni Ma’am, eh kami ‘tong nasa likod? Ah… oo nga pala. Sa tipo ni Sir Billy hindi ba naman tatalas ang pang-amoy ni Ma’am. Tsk. Tsk.”
Barack: Pakibuksan nga ‘yung pinto! Hindi ko na kaya!
Hagikgikan. Namula ang Boss.
Hilary: Ano ba Tim! (Patawa-tawa) Hindi ko na tuloy mainom ‘tong kape ko.
Barack: Oy, ‘yung pinto. Ano na?
MIB: Yes Mr. President! (To Girl) Oy, ikaw pinakamalapit, buksan mo daw.
Umismid si Girl. Binuksan ang pinto. Saktong nagkabarilan ulit sa pinanonood nila.
Hilary: Ay! Ay! Hindi ba si Obama na ‘yun?
Barack: (Nakamangot) Osama…
Hilary: He-heh… Sorry…
“AY! HONEY SA LIKOD MO!!!” (Sabay turo sa TV.)
Napalingon lahat kay Girl.
“Sorry po.” (Namumula sa hiya.) “Dyowa ko po kasi ‘yung isang naka-deploy…”
Hilary: Ay! Ay! Ay! Nadale na si Obama!
Barack: Osama! O-sa-ma!
Hilary: Sorry ulit. Hihihi….
Barack: (Tumayo, sabay walk out.) ‘Yoko na! Kayo na lang!
“Pikon…”
May 7th, 2011 at 07:54
My name is Jane Hailey, I just got in the room to bring coffee but then saw this interesting video streaming they’re watching. So I stayed, but I have to stay at the back, I hate being called out or being asked to explain why there are bug parts on the coffee again.
Mr. Obama doesn’t look worried; rather, he’s got the facial expression similar to when he took a sip on the coffee I made the other day where I accidentally mixed hazelnut cream on the coffee. It was obvious he didn’t like it, but he drank it still. I can see that Charlie, the guy in the suit, seemed to be paying close attention to the video. He will later on use his observations to volunteer in doing reports even if they’re not needed, so that it would appear like his opinions matter. His buddy Ray, who’s standing next to me, is so much nicer than Charlie. We would’ve gone out on a date, but he’s got family issues that he still needs to settle and I think the divorce isn’t finalized yet. Mom would’ve loved the idea of bringing him home one of these days.
Mrs. Hilary Clinton always looks amazing, and when she speaks it always makes sense! How many women do you know that speak so eloquently and smart as the one Mrs. Clinton? I imagined her being my secret BFF, but that would be unfair to her real BFF, the first lady herself, Michelle Obama.
(loud noise on TV)
Oh my God, was that Bin Laden who got shot in the head? I haven’t seen this much violence on TV since they stopped airing Animals Gone Wild on my local channel. Shoot, I forgot to put water on the coffee maker again! I knew I should’ve placed the reminder post-its on the handle… (hurried out of the room)
May 7th, 2011 at 10:03
+ thought bubble+
Man in Dark Blue Military Uniform: I’ll be posting this on Facebook! This status message regarding Osama’s will be a blockbuster hit!
Obama: I better check the news later if there will be any typos regarding my name and Osama’s name. It would be an epic fail if they announce Obama dead instead of Osama!
Clinton: I wanted to do a facepalm but this is all I could do with my poise.tsk!