Auntie Janey’s Old-Fashioned Agony Column # 25: The Rant of a Youngest Child
Dear Auntie Janey,
I’m worried about my 22-year-old younger sister who’s been a registered nurse for almost 2 years. My parents and I have been asking her if she’s planning to apply for work or at least volunteer as a nurse soon. We have relatives working in hospitals and are eager enough to help her with the application. We told her she could get a job even if it’s totally unrelated to her degree, but she’s just not keen to do anything to help herself.
I’ve even asked her if she wants to study again, as I’m willing to help my parents finance her tuition if she wants to pursue another degree. She told us to stop bugging her and let her decide by herself. She always say “Basta ako na ang bahala, ‘wag na kayong tanong nang tanong”. She gets very irritated whenever we ask her about these things.
It’s just that she stays at home all day, surfing the net, watching TV, helping with the household chores if she’s in the mood. I don’t know if she’s living the life she wants right now. She used to be very friendly and outgoing, she was never a homebody. She’s got so much potential and we want her to start her career, but she’s been idle for years now. Auntie Janey, is she just going through a quarter-life crisis?
Yours sincerely,
Worried Sister
Johnny Depp is not an eldest child.
Dear Worried Sister,
Those of us who were born in the middle or at the end of the birth order have always been known to exist on a different plane of reality. We also have the unique ability to get away with many things through our natural charm and guile. We create and obey our own rules and we only accede to those rules imposed on us by our elders if they are beneficial or convenient.
A documentary I saw on Discovery Channel a few years ago studied great men and women who changed the world. The common factor was that they were the middle or the youngest children in their family. Florence Nightingale, Queen of Nurses, was one of them. It was posited that the reason these people were radical thinkers was because they never really cared for rules. The eldest, generally, are the ones who get most of the attention because of their ability to obey and live within the rules. In order to get attention and to establish their own individuality, the latter-born children display behavior opposite to that of the eldest. The documentary concluded that these individuals were motivated by a desire for attention. Malayo din pala ang mararating ng mga kulang sa pansin.
I do not know your sister but I will give you my take on her behavior.
One possible reason is that she is taking her sweet time and thoroughly enjoying her freedom. No matter how much you pester her to get a job it will not work. She is still deciding what she wants to do with her life. I suppose that you and your family have planned her career path, and she has done everything you told her to do until she got her license. Maybe she vowed that the moment she got her license, she would take control of her own life.
I know a woman who obeyed her father’s wishes and became a lawyer. When she passed the bar she did not practice law and worked at an outsourcing company instead. Of course her father bellowed at her. Her response? “I have become a lawyer just as you asked. Now leave me alone.”
The problem that we latter-born children constantly face is that our elders always treat us like children, no, babies. Yes, this column may also be a rant against the oppression that we continuously endure. Our elders always attempt to control or interfere with our lives even though we are earning more than they do. And we have secretly done things that would scandalize them.
Even if we are doing absolutely nothing with our lives, we chafe under the constant meddling of parents and elder siblings. What we really need is to be left to our own devices and figure things out for ourselves. It is also hard to think when people are constantly in our ears.
Another possible reason is that she is simply not motivated to do anything at the moment and the things that used to interest her no longer appeal to her now. She is content with the way things are, despite her potential. There is nothing you can do but wait for her to make up her mind. You can help her along by drastically reducing her allowance and refusing to buy her stuff or kicking her out of the house. But she may never speak to any of you again.
One more possibility: She may be afraid of going out there to fend for herself. She wants to feel safe and she does not want to take risks. This may be the reason she spends more time at home. Some of us simply refuse to grow up and take control of our lives.
You may have noticed that I did not follow through on the premise I laid out in the first few paragraphs of this piece. I changed my mind in the middle. This is typical of the youngest in the family: capricious, whimsical, defiant, insecure and indecisive. But in the end we make something out of ourselves in our own unique fashion.
Yours truly,
Auntie Janey
The opinions expressed in Auntie Janey’s Old-Fashioned Agony Column are those of the agony columnist alone and do not reflect the opinions of the owner and administrator of JessicaRulestheUniverse.com. As with all advice, follow at your own peril.
Would you like Auntie Janey to meddle in your life? Email agoniesforauntiejaney@gmail.com.
Answers to questions you might be asking, unless you wandered onto this site purely by accident >>>
August 26th, 2011 at 12:55
i’m also the bunso in my family and most of the time i just want to be left alone. i don’t like my parents or my sibs telling me what i should with my “career”. i have my own diskarte. i also think and plan (i just don’t discuss it w/ them). i will get by. if i need help, i’ll come to them. ayoko ng makulit.
August 26th, 2011 at 17:46
bunso rin ako in a brood of 7. wallowed at home in loserly fashion far longer than WS’s jobless sister did. worse, i ate botchi (redbean with sesame seeds) everyday as i pondered my ‘purpose’ & was really slobby. my siblings considered institutionalizing me, the brilliant but tragic oddball in the family. now i am my entire clan’s breadwinner,completely shed the skin of my adolescent drifter self.
WS your sister would be ok, angsty lang sya ngayon, wag nyo na kasi pakelaman. she’ll figure it out eventually.
August 26th, 2011 at 18:24
So maybe it follows that us second/middle children are the ones who instinctively stick to the rules. By the way, it sucks to follow the rules all the time but it’s a role someone’s got to take. Second childs I know usually have this affliction of not being able to get by without strictly following rules. Second childs are usually api.
August 26th, 2011 at 21:44
panganay ako, but i feel the same way, it’s annoying when your parents and relatives try to tell you what you should and shouldn’t do, what your career should be and shouldn’t be. giving birth to me has not given them license to write my life story and give me my death sentence. This is my life, not yours, so don’t worry about what I do.
August 27th, 2011 at 04:41
Dear Auntie Janey or To The Next Oracle Cat,
Which of these lines sound better?
a. Live a life with no regrets.
b. Live a life without regrets.
I will have it on my chest this December. And what of these?
a. Love. Laugh. Read Something.
b. Laugh. Love. Read Something.
I will have it on my arm this November.
Muahness!
August 27th, 2011 at 10:04
with regard to the “second/middle child syndrome” (if you wanna call it that way), i can totally relate.. the few attempts in job-hunting after graduation was just a show for people to realize that i’m looking for one.. after passing all the interviews and stuff, i usually work for like 2 days to 1 week max.. it took me 1 1/2 years after graduation to really “work”.. the time made me realize what i really want and not what others want me to be..
August 27th, 2011 at 11:19
Momelia: For T-shirt purposes: LIFE WITHOUT REGRETS or just NO REGRETS.
It is as the Piaf sings, Non, je ne regrette rien.
For tattoo purposes, LAUGH. LOVE. READ.
Toodles,
Koosi.
August 27th, 2011 at 21:13
Hi,
I smiled and laughed after reading this blog entry. I can relate to it! The kind of life the “younger sister” has is very much like my life right now. I am the youngest of two in our family. My elder sister is 5 years older than me. I am also 22 years old like the “22 year old younger sister” in the letter. The “worried sister” must be my own sister! Na, I am not a registered nurse although I took up nursing in college before. : )
My elder sister and I are very different. Just a few days after her college graduation, she applied for a job in a company and got the job right away! I, on the other hand, just graduated from college last year and until now, I still have not applied for a job. I have been staying at home for more than a year now and joining my family during vacations and family gatherings occasionally. My entire family and relatives are worried and have been bugging me to get a job. All those reasons “Auntie Janey” stated in this blog entry really apply to me and my life currently. So funny and spot on! This is really an eye opener for me and helped me discover things about myself. Thanks for this! : ) By the way, I enjoyed reading all your blog entries about our national rugby team. Just saying! That is how I got to your blog. It is interesting to know they are not only rugby players and occasional models but also lawyer, psychologist, diving instructor, marine biologist, architect, etc. So cool! No, scratch that, so hot. They were not called “Volcanoes” for nothing. Ha ha I like the New Zealand All Blacks and it is great to know we have our own rugby team to cheer on now. : )
Cheers,
Jam
August 29th, 2011 at 18:32
Maybe it’s our environment. Maybe she’s confused,tired,or both; there are many college graduates out there who can’t get the job they want,or in a job they do not want. Many of them took a course that their parents want,just to please them. Either way they’re not going to be happy. If you’re not happy,you won’t be effective.
August 29th, 2011 at 22:01
Aha! You gave me an idea; I will be doing research. Thanks Koosi! Muahness from Pasig Cirehhh!
August 30th, 2011 at 02:50
I think there are times when the youngest carry this defeatist attitude and since most of them are favored by the family (unless they are Koreans, where the bunso are the utusan of the family and the eldest are revered and fawned over), or they have this “bahala na” perception in life.
My brother worked once in his life and declared he will never work again as an employee because he hates interviews and being yelled at by bosses. He’s 29, still doesn’t have a job, much to the dismay of my dad, who decides to fend for him until the day he dies.
But every time I announce that I want to resign or just bum around, I never hear the end of it.