JessicaRulestheUniverse.com

It’s been a month since my first gay relationship ended but I still can’t move on. Last week, just when I had poured my guts out and said I still liked him and wanted to get back together, I find he’s got somebody else. His current actually told me to back off. That happened just a day after my birthday. I’m so hurt and humiliated but him having someone else is just salt to the wound.

My initial gripe was that I gave up the bohemian life that I wanted (being a bum/tabloid writer in the province) for a corporate job here in Manila just to be with him. But before I could tell him that I’m staying, he broke up with me. And now we work on the same floor. I want to quit the job but I’m on a still on a 6-month bond, and since I’m in the recruiting and staffing industry, I know better than not to last at least a year in a company.

My friends tell me I should start looking for someone else but I don’t think I want that. I just want to be happy with being single again. Is there any way to get over someone you see five days a week, who smiles at you and touches you whenever he says hi? It’s a very small office.

The work helps me keep my mind off him but the weekends, especially the long ones, are torture. The salary’s not enough to keep on going trips/retail therapy.

The song Otis has been playing in head since it was played on the radio a few weeks ago. I decided to go to a record store to buy a CD of Watch the Throne by Kanye West and Jay-Z. It was not yet available, so I decided to prowl the aisles for something else. A VCD (yes, yes, I’m cheap) of How to Train Your Dragon was on sale. I snapped it up. I had been injecting West Wing episodes into my consciousness for a couple of months and I needed something totally different to watch for a change.

How to Train Your Dragon(I believe Toothless was patterned after a black cat) reminded me of The Little Prince and his fox. The Little Prince, in turn, reminded me of Ruffa Gutierrez who was in the top three of the Miss World pageant many years ago. She quoted The Little Prince when she answered a question.

It is never a good idea to immediately drop everything and move somewhere else just to be with someone you love. It scares the hell out of your partner. Before that you were a comfortable distance from your partner; s/he gets to live his/her life and also gets to see and cuddle with you a few days a week(or croon to you on the phone). Now you are in his/her face and s/he’s crowded out. You are taking over his/her life and his/her natural reaction would be to get away from you. Too much, too soon.

I advise those who have just gotten into a relationship to take it slow. Tame each other first. Gradually involve yourselves in each other’s lives. Both of you still need to figure out how you could include one another in your cluttered lives. Like Miss Gutierrez I will quote The Little Prince: “‘One only understands the things that one tames,’ said the fox. ‘Men have no more time to understand anything. They buy things all ready made at the shops. But there is no shop anywhere where one can buy friendship, and so men have no friends any more. If you want a friend, tame me…’”. The fox also has instructions on how to tame him. Read it for yourself. Nyahahaha!

Heartbroken On a Swivel Chair, you just had to work In the same office as your ex? Tsk, tsk, tsk.

Drowning yourself in work is a good start. I guess you have to tough it out until you are released from your bond. Meanwhile, start plotting your next career move. Do not let your love life get in the way of a proper career.

During your free time I strongly suggest that you distract yourself. Retail therapy is not the only thing you can do during your free time. You were an individual with your own interests before you got into a relationship. Pursue those interests again and try out new things.

When I moved to Metro Manila I did not know anyone except for a classmate, an officemate, and my boss. I had lots of free time and, during those times, I was haunted by questions about whether I did the right thing. To take my mind off such depressing thoughts, I decided to embark on various projects and explore the metropolis, which resulted in shocking results: a) from being borderline obese, I achieved my ideal weight; b) visiting most of the museums I wanted to see; b) watching live shows and Broadway productions and inadvertently being snooty at Christine Reyes who was standing behind me in a queue for one of the shows; c) brushing hands with Karen Davila in a mall; d) having a staring contest with Phil Younghusband, also at a mall; d) visiting some of the sites featured in my grade school Sibika at Kultura books; e) becoming quite adept at commuting around the metro; f) tasting dishes that were unheard of in the provinces (yes, plural) where I come from; g) meeting three of the authors of the books in my collection and having two of them sign their books; and h) getting to write this column.

I must clarify that it is not my intention to name-drop (yuccch!) but to illustrate that if you just step out, you can see and touch many things. I have seen, touched, tasted and heard many things ever since I moved here almost two years ago.

Bilbo Baggins was right when he said, “It’s a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step onto the road, and if you don’t keep your feet, there’s no knowing where you might be swept off to.”

Go out there and get swept off.