JessicaRulestheUniverse.com

Today All Blacks Captain Richie McCaw becomes the first New Zealand player to earn 100 test caps.

And Brewhuh will be there to shred our eardrums! We were all set to watch the Rugby World Cup games at a nearby sports bar, but when we tried to make a reservation yesterday we found that they would be airing the UAAP matches instead. So we’re crashing at Jackie’s place and holding her giant flatscreen TV hostage while the fabulous Andresa hand-feeds us snacks she made herself. Hey, might as well get comfortable! Bru, don’t forget the beers, they have to be perfectly chilled as Auntie Janey will not abide ice cubes in beer.

The game will be aired on ESPN Star Sports at 1620. The signal on the 42nd floor permitting, we’ll be blogging the game with match commentary from Jaime in the US, Gaz in Japan and Jon in Alabang which is so far it’s practically another country, and pointless remarks and side stories from Auntie Janey, Brewhuh and ourselves. See you at 1600 hours?

(If we don’t get a signal, we’ll run downstairs after the match and post the entries.) Guess what color we’re wearing??

* * * * *

Names of Brewhuh’s future children
1. Coco McCaw
2. Marco “Mako” McCaw
3. Lechon McCaw
4. Lutong McCaw
5. Mokong McCaw

* * * * *

We’re all set!

Andresa is setting up for a party tonight, we’re trying to get out of her way. We’re also her volunteer food tasters.

And look who’s joining us! Wearing les couleurs of France. (For some reason we’re always hexing France haha.)

* * * * *

AND WE’RE OFF! New Zealand in black, France in blue. Joining us via text are Jon Morales, captain of the Nomads, and Jaime Augusto Zobel de Ayala, overlord.

Auntie Janey: In the interest of fairness I shall root for France.

Brewhuh: Eeeeeeeee it’s my husband!

Me: Danieeeeeeeeeel!

Andresa: Teka, namimili pa ako ng bet.

Auntie Janey: Star Sports is unfair! They did not focus on the faces of France. Vive le desserts!

Me: You can’t just stand there while the Kiwis do the haka. Counter with ballet! Can-can!

Brewhuh:Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! 1:47 pa lang pagod na ako.

Me: Bakit palaging nasa France ang bola!

Auntie Janey: Dahil bongga sila!

Jaime (it’s 4:30 am where he is): Was in a panic, could not find it among the 1,000 US channels. On now. Phew! French starting strong.

Jon: France doing all the attacking. All Blacks struggling early. French need to come away with something after all this early pressure.

Brewhuh: Get off my husband! Kailangan pa kaming magka-anak ng lalaking yan!

Jaime: Beautiful kicking…unusual tactic at this level.The French being imaginative…and unpredictable. Amazing pressure from France. All possession from their side.

Brewhuh: What a view! Topshot! Hi!

Me: Akin yon.

Brewhuh: Yung isa. Diba, ang shoray!

TRY TO NEW ZEALAND!

Andresa: Iyo yung number 10? Ang cute niya, congrats!

Jon: Great scrum by the All Blacks to draw the pen, think we’ll see some attacking now.

Jaime: There you go, Nonu with a great setup.

Jon: Told ya. See that so often, team pressures pressures pressures, comes away with nothing, suddenly gives up a score…French fullback making some strange non-kicking decisions.

Auntie Janey: Is that man taking off his shorts right in front of the camera?

Jon: The blues suddenly struggling very badly. Blue lineout looks quite solid though.

Jaime: You can tell everyone is tense as hell. Both sides want this BADLY.

ANOTHER TRY TO NEW ZEALAND! 10-0 All Blacks! My boyfriend converts for 12-0!

Jon: Black back line defense vicious! Fucking amazing inside run. Such a good line. Blues need something dramatic soon.

Jaime: Did you see Nonu attract two players with a fake…Gods!

Brewhuh: Go Jonah! Parang childhood friends lang kami. (Note: She meant Ma’a Nonu. Na-flashback siya sa kakatili.)

ALL BLACKS 17-0! 19-0!

Jon: It’s a rout! Blacks backs so dangerous with ball in hand where other teams have to kick to gain territory the Blacks can run and hold possession. Blues have to find a way to slow this game down, hit fringe runners, not give up possession and tighten the style of play.

Jaime: Very interesting how the coach uses Nonu. Strong player that needs two men to mark him. When they get used to doing this they create a fake, the same two men go for him and a gap is created.

Jon: How Oz beat the Blacks in Bledisloe Cup was by hitting fringes 5, 6 phases in a row. Problem is that Blues are giving away too much weight in pack.

Jaime: The French have a Wolfman…

Jon: Slowest counter-attack ever!

Brewhuh: Kamukha ni Richie Sambora yung isang Pranses. Why do I have Bon Jovi references?!

Jon: Blacks up tempo on both defense and attack, creating so much pressure. France desperately need to stop playing run and gun.

Jaime: Uncharacteristic bad ball handling by All Blacks, but they recover well.

Brewhuh: Itong French, konting kibot injured.

Auntie Janey: Sensitive kasi sila! Brutal kasi kayo, dinadala sa dahas!

Brewhuh: Tama ba na ginamit na pang-sangga ang ulo niya?

Me: Love the super-topshots in the scrums!

Jon: Blues cannot make any one-on-one tackles, Blacks making gain line almost every ball.

Fake paparazzi photo

Jaime: Nonu faked again…amazing!

PENALTY TO FRANCE, 19-3 ALL BLACKS IN THE LEAD.

Jon: That was a dive. If that’s what it takes for the Blues to turn it around though, can’t fault it.

Auntie Janey: Is that New Zealand’s tactic? Rubbing their crotches in France’s face??

HALFTIME!

Jaime: Good first half.

Me: Ang shoshoray lang ng rugby commentators natin ha.

Auntie Janey: My advice to France: Look inside yourselves. Yeeeeeeeeeeee.

Jon: Imagine it will be a much tighter second half. France must change game plan, stop spinning wide where they’re getting turned over and keep the ball tight, not kick unless absolutely necessary. Starve New Zealand of possession and start getting points on the board even if it’s penalties.

TRY TO THE ALL BLACKS! 24-3.

Jon: Stop kicking!

Me: Haaay ang panga ng boyfriend ko. Yes! 26-3.

Jon: I was wrong about the second half. I didn’t imagine the French coach would be so dumb as to not change strategy.

* * * * *

PENALTY TO THE ALL BLACKS. Dan converts for 29-3.

Auntie Janey: Basta France, sabi ni Winston Churchill, Never give up!

Brewhuh: Pag nagtataas si Richie ng shirt, para sa akin yon.

Me: Ayan, di niyo kasi sinali si Chabal.

Brewhuh and Me: Bella Flores laughter.

Jaime: Great series of plays.

FRANCE GETS ONE! Their Oscar de la Hoya lookalike converts. 29-10.

Jaime: Bit of luck…nothing more.

Gaz: Sorry had a long day just got home! Missed the first half myself, just put the rugby on.

Brewhuh: The frogs were stomping on their faces!

Auntie Janey: No, they were going for the ball!

(Screaming match ensues.)

Me: Walang kwenta yung correspondent natin sa Japan, kumakain pa.

NAG DROP-GOAL ANG LOLA KO! 32-10, ALL BLACKS.

Brewhuh: Just ten minutes guys, hang on!

Gaz: My TV has a chip malfunction and just reads error!!!

Brewhuh: Is that Richie? Is he down?? Stop the game! Hello Makati Med? Magpadala kayo ng ambulansya! Ay di pala siya.

Jaime: Blacks have been weaker and less clean in this second half. Should be a comfortable win for Blacks but not their best game.

Brewhuh: OMG right by the France goal line. Push them back!

Me: May sugat sa fezkaboom ang jowabelles mo.

Auntie Janey: Marahas kasi kayo!

PENALTY TO FRANCE. 32-17, four minutes to go.

Jon: That was bullshit.

Jaime: Unusual call by ref, but the French are in there now.

TRY TO THE ALL BLACKS! 37-17.

Jon: Jesus.

Jaime: Two French tries have been “slippery”, in true French fashion…But a great try.

IT’S OVER. NEW ZEALAND DEF. FRANCE, 37-17.

Jon: Haha that final pen was pretty much the story of the day for France. They never looked competitive after initial pressure.

Jaime: Looks like the curse is broken, Hallelujah!

Brewhuh: Low batt ako! Excuse me, loser.

Auntie Janey: France, do not punish yourselves. Punish me. Not.

Jaime: Would be cool if the Irish made it to the final…Over and out.

That concludes our liveblog! Thanks to our brilliant correspondents (and the less brilliant but fabulous one who missed the match). We’ll be back for the next big game!

Jon and Brewhuh

* * * * *
Post-match commentary from Patrick: Was watching England run circles around the game but hopeless Romanians (who according to their Captain are mostly amateur players) before tuning in for the long-awaited clash of my two favorite rugby teams (always a moment of extreme schizophrenia for me!)

As I see it (after closely following French sport competitions for well over half a century now) the problem with French players and teams, whether it be rugby, football or tennis—and which leaves their supporters in a perpetual state of paralyzing angst—is that we never know in advance what to anticipate…”which” French team is going to show up on a particular day ~ the brilliant, imaginative, flamboyantly creative guys, or the sullen, hopelessly incompetent fumblers.

In other words, French athletes for some reason and unlike most other national players, tend to be extremely moody, emotional, erratic and totally unpredictable, seemingly suffering from a “Docteur Jekyll et Monsieur Hyde” syndrome, and this seems to hold true even within the same match: in this World Cup they have in all cases until today started off hesitantly during the first half, worrying us fans that they might even—Horrors! for the No.4 ranked team in the world—conceivably succumb to the Japanese or the Canadians (horrific memories of the South Africa footie World Cup!) only to suddenly ‘come to life’ during the second half, get a grip as it were, and finish brilliantly in the last quarter of the match.

Today against the All Blacks Les Bleues started off like gangbusters during the first 10 minutes, running rampant in the N.Z. half but somehow failing to score at all, though a surprise drop kick by Morgan Parra came within a hair of making it if not for a goal post. Once the All Blacks recovered their composure and went into their typical ‘overdrive mode’ however, reverting to their incomparable talent for quickly taking full advantage of every opportunity that presents itself, the French reverted to their sullen and clumsy “Monsieur Hyde” persona demonstrating slow reactions, leaky defense and unimaginative/inefficient attacking efforts, as New Zealand scored a trio of tries within a few minutes’ span.

Contrary to what one feared the by-then frustrated French did not (as they sometimes tend to do) fall apart, but stuck with it and things improved substantially though by then it was too late (you really cannot expect to get a second chance vs New Zealand, particularly when they are playing before their fanatical home crowd!) and despite recovering for a less than humiliating score, it was in essence a “Black Day” for the Blues, as the All Blacks go through to the quarter finals and France still have to beat Tonga to make it through themselves.

* * * * *

THE PHILIPPINE VOLCANOES ARE IN THE FINAL OF THE BORNEO 7S. THEY BEAT MALAYSIA IN THE QUARTERS AND CHINA IN THE SEMIS. IN THE FINAL THEY MEET JAPAN.

In the semis they were trailing China 7-14 on Luke Matthews’s try, and then Harry Morris scored a try in the second half to force extra time. Luke’s brother Joe was first to score in extra time, sending the Philippines to the final 19-14 over China.

By making it to the semis the Philippines qualified for next year’s Hong Kong 7s. Brewhuh and I already have our costumes planned.

Highlights from the quarterfinal against Malaysia. Philippines won 28-14.

There’s a Tagalog word for this: Astig.

* * * * *

Okay, Japan ate the Philippines 46-0. That was expected. What was totally not expected was the Philippines being in the final with a country that is in the Rugby World Cup. The Japan team is composed of professionals who play rugby together all the time. Our team is made of part-timers, guys who have day jobs, guys who have to train on their own, who pay their own airfare so they represent this country, who play together a few days before a tournament. This is a huge deal. Where is the parade??