Stick a fork in your ear and make it stop!
While reading Worst. Song. Ever. by Akim Reinhardt in 3 Quarks we found ourselves chuckling, grimacing, and composing our own list. (In fact we published a list years ago in Today but don’t know where our copy is.)
The nominees are…
* Total Eclipse of the Heart by Bonnie Tyler. Here is the abomination rendered as a flowchart by Jeannie Harrell.
and the literal video version:
Nothing inspires cleverness like stupidity.
* Making Love Out Of Nothing At All by Air Supply, which we suspect is the same song as TEOTH, above.
* The Power Of Love by Celine Dion, which is the same song as TEOTH and MLOONAA, above. When she gets to “I’m your ladeeeeeeeh you are my maaaaaaaaaaaan” the enamel gets ripped off our teeth.
* The one where the guy finds a diary underneath a tree and starts reading about himself only it turns out to be someone else, freaking idiot. Tied with that other crime against humanity which asks, “If a picture paints a thousand words then why can’t I paint you?” Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa hand me that fork. Both songs perpetrated by a band called Bread.
* I’ve Never Been To Me. Although it doesn’t make us violent, just hysterical.
* And the song that makes us run amuck: What’s Going On What’s Up by 4 Non Blondes. When we hear the “Hey-ay-ay” chorus that’s when the body count rises.
To wipe those off your mind, listen to this brilliant stupid song we loved as a kid.
Answers to questions you might be asking, unless you wandered onto this site purely by accident >>>
September 27th, 2011 at 01:06
I have to confess that while I don’t like Air Supply, I like “Making Love Out of Nothing at All,” as well as “Total Eclipse of the Heart,” which I am embarrassed to admit I have helped sing (just the “Turn Around” part) at karaoke.
Both songs were written by prolific award-winning American songwriter Jim Steinman. It appears that he likes to compose structurally complicated and overly dramatic music — another one of his hits is Celine Dion’s “It’s All Coming Back to Me Now.” No, I haven’t sung that one at karaoke.
September 27th, 2011 at 01:14
Oh my goodness, the flowchart of doom!!! O_O
I can hear myself singing it! Make it sshtttttoooopppp!!!
September 27th, 2011 at 03:00
Hah! I have this odd affection for Bonnie Tyler (though I prefer Robin Beck), probably because I love the ridiculous. Of course, my overly dramatic theme song would be Holding Out For A Hero.
September 27th, 2011 at 06:30
I nominate…every song from Fergie’s solo career.
September 27th, 2011 at 08:29
Anthony Bourdain and Marky Ramone wishing they could edit music history.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jiu8LkXAJQQ
Best line: “Summer breeze… makes you feel moist… or whatever” :D
I’m just relieved/thankful that “Dayang-dayang” is no longer blaring in the streets of Manila. That or I’m just lucky to miss the aural onslaught all this time.
September 27th, 2011 at 10:43
What’s Going On? is a by Marvin Gaye. What’s up is the title of the song by 4 Non Blondes
September 27th, 2011 at 12:51
Fun fact: Jim Steinman is also responsible for Meat Loaf’s greatest hits, including “I Would Do Anything For Love (But I Won’t Do That)” – which, by the by, has been translated into one of the best Literal Videos ever posted.
Topic: Worst song ever for me? As in, worse than all of the above, plus the irredeemable-by-karaoke combo of “Shake Body Dancer” and “Sahara Nights”?
Easy. “Don’t Cry, Joni” by Conway Twitty.
The original song sucks as it is (and the YouTube clip for this creeps me out) but did I have to hear my yaya singing the line “Sending all my keeeeeee-ses jas por yoooooow” repeatedly, out of context, and at every opportunity? Seriously, I would rather listen to an entire album of “bossa nova” covers of Taylor Swift’s greatest hits than sit through another minute of this nonsense. Good grief.
September 27th, 2011 at 13:49
If you think the 70s had a monopoly of really bad songwriting, I give you that one where the singer brags he has ‘the moves like Jagger’. I suppose it makes sense if he were trying to pick up chicks at the nursing home.
September 28th, 2011 at 11:28
“hu-with hhh-arrms hu-hwide open-uh” by Creed.