JessicaRulestheUniverse.com

Is it intrinsically human to feel lost sometimes? You know the feeling that you have come to a fork in the road and you suddenly find yourself unable to decide which road to take?

That’s what I am feeling right now.

You can call me Rob. I am a graduate (my degree has to do with numbers) of one of the premiere universities in the country and have for the past 5 years worked in a position that is in line with my college education.

And on the anniversary of my fifth year, just a couple of months ago, I found myself at the human resources unit tendering my resignation. I don’t know, but at some point I just got tired of working. I did not want to do any number crunching anymore. I felt that there was more that I could do besides number crunching. But what that is is entirely unclear to me.

For the next couple of months I busied myself with learning photography. I like it, but at this point I am not sure that it is something that I should pursue if only to make money. But I feel happier doing photography than crunching numbers. The fulfillment is different when you get a nice photograph than when you assay something meaningful from a bunch of numbers, models and theories. Since childhood I had a knack for the arts. I just was not able to develop it. My choice of college degree came out of practicality rather than passion or idealism. That is to say, mukha kasi akong pera. But it was a choice nonetheless, and a calculated decision.

Hence the dilemma. That choice brought me to this point and now I am stuck and need someone to point me in the right direction. I can do the number crunching but it doesn’t have any happiness in it. And there is photography, which I would like to explore for its possibilities, but I doubt it is a feasible career path.

So here I am calling mayday. I’m confused. I’m lost. Point me to the right way.

Grateful for your response.

This will not be the only time in your life that you find yourself at a fork in the road. And yes, it is part of being human to feel lost. Otherwise the Greeks would not have invented Philosophy and nobody would have come up with a concept for the TV series Lost.

Obviously you come from a family of means. If you were somebody from the lower income class, your parents would have already bitten your head off, chopped your body into neat pieces and sold them at the market. The fact that you chose to dabble in photography post-resignation underscores this fact.

Not everyone has the luxury to just quit their jobs and explore their interests. You are fortunate so use your time well and figure out what you want to do for the next few years of your life.

I used to have the ability to quit a job without thinking of the consequences. I was a beneficiary of dollar remittances at a time when the exchange rate was really high. I quit my first job after four months because I felt that it was beneath me. I was paid a decent sum of money but I spent most of my days taking online tests at Tickle.com where I discovered that I was more Angelina Jolie than Jennifer Aniston. I also discovered I was an Artist in my past life and my inner sexual goddess is Hestia.

I wanted to have a job that required me to use my professional knowledge to the utmost. So I went into government service. After two weeks on the job I realized that my boss was a lunatic, so I quit. My benefactor was gracious enough to send me generous stipends during this turbulent period.

After two weeks, during which I watched all the movies at the Cine Europa film festival and pretended to be a film critic, I was accepted for a position in public service (Oo ako ay tagapagsilbi ninyong lahat). This has been my job for exactly four years—a job that requires me to use my training and knowledge day and night until I want to throw up.

I am also at another fork in the road. I am asking myself if I am content with this job that pays good money and with the way my life is right now, or if I should once again throw caution to the winds sans the benefactor. I have learned so much in the past four years but I also know that there are still many skills I need to learn and improve on.

I am also unsure of what step I should take next, but I do know that I want to stay in my chosen profession. In anticipation of the unknown, I am arming myself with knowledge and skills that might prove useful when the right opportunity comes. I have also been hoarding resources which would be useful once I’ve decided what major step I would take next. Luck favors the prepared, it is said. Patience is also a virtue. Obviously, I have taken the fable of the Ant and the Grasshopper to heart.

Then again, we all have different rhythms in our lives. Some discover what they want to do in life while drifting along. Others get smacked in the face with it from out of nowhere. Still others work hard for it.

I cannot point you in the right direction but I can share something that could help. I have always found Mr. Antolini’s advice for Holden in Catcher in the Rye very useful. It’s advice on academic education but I think it’s applicable to both our scenarios. He said, “Something else an academic education will do for you. If you go along with it any considerable distance, it’ll begin to give you an idea what size mind you have. What’ll fit and, maybe, what won’t. After a while, you’ll have an idea what kind of thoughts your particular size mind should be wearing. For one thing, it may save you an extraordinary amount of time trying on ideas that don’t suit you, aren’t becoming to you. You’ll begin to know your true measurements and dress your mind accordingly.”

Hope it makes sense.