JessicaRulestheUniverse.com

I have recently separated from my husband when I found out that he had an affair with a married ex-girlfriend. The affair started shortly after we got married and ended when the lecherous ex-girlfriend had a miscarriage. It is unfortunate though that I only found out about it after the fact. I wouldn’t delve into the details but leaving him was the right decision.

Since the discovery I am now partially healed and trying to move on. The prospect of dating again is now very much appealing. In fact I have dates slated for next week. But the thought of dating again scares the hell out of me. My husband was my first in every sense of the word. I have not been with any other man. I was barely out of school when we got together. Now I have no idea how to handle being single. I also feel like Im committing adultery which in the strict legal sense I am actually.

I was ready to move on and start dating again when ex-husband and I started talking and seeing each other again. He is trying to win me back and to be honest Im undergoing relapse. A small part of me is hoping but I still can’t figure out whether or not my hope is motivated by fear or whether it is a legitimate hope because we are meant to be together.

It is difficult for me because everyone thinks I made the right decision leaving him and every time we spend time together, I am again convinced that I still love him but as soon as we go our separate ways, I want to date other men again. I am plagued by this desire to try other fish in the big big sea. I seriously don’t know what to do or how to act.

It is only adultery in the strict legal sense when you have sexual intercourse with a guy not your husband while your marriage is still legally in effect. So when dating, you cannot go all the way but you can go pretty far. Some groping, kissing, rubbing, body contact and the things you do with your mouth will not put you in jail.

You are still adjusting and well out of your comfort zone. At a young age, you had gotten married and you have never truly known what it is to be an adult on her own. So of course, you would consider getting back with your ex. Routine is more preferable to the unknown. Humans are creatures of habit after all.

I will not bitch-slap you to knock some sense into you. I would just like to point out that he had lied to you from the beginning of your marriage. In a sense, the marriage was a lie despite the legal trappings. Now he has the gall to come crawling back to you? If the affair was merely a lapse of judgment or a one-night stand, it would have been acceptable, for me, to forgive him. But what your husband did was very willful. A conscious choice to betray your trust and play you a fool. He had you for many years yet he did not value you. Why would you go back to someone who never thought much of you in the first place? Be forgiving if you like, but do not be a fool. If you were meant to be together, he would not have cheated on you right at the start of your marriage.

Now, about the dating. Do not pour yourself out to your date all at once. Dates are not therapy sessions. The last thing anybody wants is damaged goods. If he asks, tell him the truth. You are legally married yet you are already separated. If asked why the marriage did not work out, just say that your husband cheated. Do not behave like a wounded animal. If you still hold some bitterness, best keep it in. I am not saying that you should deceive your dates. I just want you to appear strong and dignified. A woman who is still holding her head high despite the setbacks in her life.

Date as many men as you can but do not be too over eager and overreaching. Do not appear desperate. Do not be clingy and do not think of these men as your new hope for such disposition may make you a prey for abusive types of men. Regain your faith in yourself by doing things that help you build your self-esteem. Do not ever rush into another relationship. Take your time and have some fun. Take very good care of yourself.

Always remember that your happiness is in your hands. It will never be the responsibility of other people. It will take time for things to be in order once again. Just be patient and remain strong.