JessicaRulestheUniverse.com

I’m 30 and moving to UK next month for work and further studies. I’ve been single for more than 2 years. My last relationship lasted 7 years. I’ve had three boyfriends in total and they were all former classmates (so we’re in the same age group). They all came into my life one after the other so I never had the chance to be single for so long until this last breakup. When I found myself finally single, it was so disconcerting. I don’t know if it was the age, the weight, the working environment, or just that there are too many gay guys in the metro, but I couldn’t seem to find anyone even for just a decent date! But I didn’t sulk. I traveled, found my faith and became active at church, went out with friends, spent time with family and adored my nieces. When I found my self at a good place, I elected to go abroad – widen my horizons, so to speak. I know in my heart that I want a family, and I felt that by moving elsewhere, I’d be upping my chances to have that dream.

I didn’t get attracted to anyone until I met a new employee in another department on my last month of work. He is 7 years my junior. I was indirectly his boss. I’m a sucker for guys with smoldering, tantalizing eyes. He’s got that and the whole bad boy appeal. He also comes from a broken home, lives with a relative who took him in. He relies on his meager salary. He’s got some emotional issues as well, but I find him intelligent and I enjoy our conversations. Since my resignation, we found out we like each other and have seen each other three times. Since money is tight with him, I took on the lead to be creative. We went to a park. We watched a free movie once. And I cooked for him. I explained to him that I don’t want to have something physical like sex so he has always kept a respectful distance. He would just reach out for my hand when we are about to say goodbye. There have been instances when I feel sorely tempted to go beyond the last-minute hand holding and the kiss-on-the-cheek once. Notwithstanding the religious guilt, I’m scared for my feelings to deepen. We talk about our dreams, our problems, our philosophies. I give him career, family advice. He shares to me lessons about his hard life. He tells me he’s falling for me and wishes his circumstances would be different. I don’t want to romanticize the boss/employee, older woman/younger man thing. I know that I want to go out there and advance myself. I just don’t know how to be ending this when I leave. There’s a part of me that would still want his presence as a friend, perhaps? He told me he really wants to be in touch still at least online. What if I’ll be going out with another or would be in a relationship another, should I tell him that? Or am I thinking too far ahead?

Thank you for taking the time out to read my letter. You give very sensible, heartfelt advice.

There are many gay guys in the metro and when I look at the younger generation, I note that they are increasing in number. Did you know that a recent study in China shows that 16,000,000 Chinese women are married to Chinese gay men?

My impression from your letter is that the two of you are not yet officially a couple. You just date, hold hands and talk. If my impression is wrong, it’s not my fault. Hahaha.

It is my opinion that women should not give up their dreams for career advancement for a boyfriend much less a fleeting love interest. Maybe when you are already married and you are really pressed to make a choice between career and family.

Your so-called relationship is just at the initial stage and whatever bonds you have developed are at best tenuous. A career in the United Kingdom, a free pass to all European Union countries, and the chance of marrying into the royal family(no matter how remote) far outweigh an iffy relationship with a penniless boy who has emotional baggage (I am your snooty Auntie Janey for today. “Ipapagpaliban mo ang Inglatera para lang sa isang dukhang lalake?”)

You already know that you want to go out there and advance yourself. You are just distracted from your goal like the way I’m distracted from writing this column by a bag of assorted polvoron. You are just having a tantalizing appetizer. The gorgeous main course is in UK. The polvoron is delicious, especially the cookies n’ cream and peanut variety, but they are not filling. I am also feeling the religious guilt for bingeing on this polvoron like you are probably feeling the religious guilt for indulging on this boy.

It will end when you leave. Or what you are feeling right now will slowly fade out once you begin a new life and meet interesting guys. You could still be friends and keep in touch online. That’s no problem. Just please, do not send him remittances to bail him out his financial situation. And no balikbayan boxes! Do not cultivate dependency and neediness in him. You will be on the losing end. You may even realize that it would be best to stop communicating with him. To begin with, there is nothing really deep between the two of you and it may not withstand the distance and time difference.

If you suddenly have the urge to go beyond the hand-holding and kiss-on-the-cheek, be sure to have protection. We don’t want you ruining your chances in marrying Prince Harry or marrying a lord.