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Morong Journal: A Nuclear Plant, and a Dream, Fizzles in the NYT.

George Clooney stars in The Descendants. All photos courtesy of the distributor.

Nag-de op agad ako. Montek na akong hende payagan ne Madam. Sabe nya, “But Yaya, we have that dinner tonight with 50 guests how would we manage without you ek ek ek ek.” Sabe ko, “Madam, may keterer naman, kaya mo yan. Kelangan kong maketa ang boypren ko.”

“Yaya, I didn’t know you had a boyfriend!”

“Op kors I heb, es George Cloney.”

Nomeneted na naman se George sa Oscars. Ang kalaban nya se Brad Pett atsaka yong Pranses na hende nagsasaleta. Saka se Gary Oldman at yong seno ba yon na esa pa. Pers time ni George makatrabaho se Alexandor Payne, pero nag-audesyon sya sa Side-wess. Hende yong lasenggo, yong kaibegan na malande na neloko yong Koreana na asawa ng derektor sa tonay na bohay. Hende sya natanggap.

Peboret ko ren se Alexandor Payne, yong Eleksyon, About Schmedt at Side-wess. Nakakatawa pero tonay na bohay pa ren. Ewan ko ba kong baket ang tagal-tagal hende gomawa ng pelekola si Payne, petong taon yata. Segoro kasi nag-brek sila ni Sandra Oh.

Ay, nasa Hawaii sela sa The Descendants! May mga kamag-anak ako doon. At marameng Pelepeno, para ka lang nasa Davao pero poro artesta. Sabi ng pensan ko doon na lang daw ako sa Waikeke. Ayoko nga! Hihihihi parang bastos.

Clooney, Amara Miller, Nick Krause, Shailene Woodley

Sa pelekolang eto se George ay esang abogadong mayaman pero maleet lang ang bahay nya at hende sela bongga. Ang babadoy ng damet niya poro bolaklaken pero guapo pa ren sya. Haaay George, kelan tayo magpapakasal. Kalemotan mo na se Brad, marame nang anak yan hahahaha.

Ano ba to, naaksedente yong asawa ni George at comatoss sya sa ospetal. Pagkatapos nalaman ne George na taksel ang asawa niya. Oo, may kalagoyo si meses! Talepandas! Haleparot!

Puede ba yon? Se George Cloney ang asawa mo tapos makekepag-aper ka don sa nagbebenta ng bahay na mokhang gonggong? Hende kapane-panewala! Para den don sa Up In The Air na konyare ordenaryong tao se George tapos dedma lang yong mga babae. Bolag silang lahat.

En pernes, baka naman nagloko si babae dahel korepot se George. Wala silang maid?? Ang yaman-yaman mo, komoha ka naman ng maid para maglenes ng bahay, hende man lang nawawales yong bakoran niyo. At yong swemmeng pol, kadere! Kong hende genagamet, tanggalin ang tobeg, ma-dengue kayo diyan.

Teka. Penagtakselan na nga siya, neloko na nga siya, kasalanan niya pa! Parang komampe ang lahat ng kaibegan nela doon sa babae, ano ba yan. Hende ako nanenewala. Gosto ko silang pagsasasampalen!

Ano ba ang problema netong mga Amerkanong eto. Ang dame nelang esyo na walang kakwenta-kwenta. Bote pa sa Pelepenas, kahet maherap ang tao masaya pa ren. Deto ka na lang George, akong bahala sa yo.

Yong karakter ne George may malaking lupain na menana niya sa kanyang mga nenono at kailangan nang ebenta kong hende ay mapoponta sa gobyerno. Maraming gostong bomele na real estet na magpapatayo ng resort at golp kors. Tapos yong ebang kamag-anak ayaw ebenta kase para daw sa lahat yon? O kong terhan ng eskwater? Kong e-land grab ng mg poletesyan? Hoy mag-eengat kayo, marameng manloloko ngayon.

Yong mga anak ne George bastos, walang modo. Kong ako ang ena niyan papaloin ko at papalohoren sa asen. Tapos yong panganay karay-karay yong kaibegan niya na adek. Adek! Anong klaseng mga tao yan, George, omales ka diyan.

Ngayon lang ako nakanood ng Alexandor Payne na hende ako natawa ebar. Ano kaya ang nangyare sa kanya. Segoro hende maganda ang paghehewalay niya kay Sandra Oh pero obsessed ba siya sa mga Esyan pero masyadong obyos kaya gomawa na lang siya ng pelekola sa Hawaii para marameng mokhang Esyan.

Pero panooren niyo pa ren ang The Descendants dahel ang galeng-galeng ng akteng ng boypren ko. Haaay George Cloney, aken ka na lang.

From The Memoirs Of A Non-Enemy Combatant by Alex Gilvarry is a sharp and wickedly readable novel about the craziness of post-9/11 America—with a Filipino protagonist. FIM (Fashion Institute of Makati) graduate Boyet Ruben Hernandez arrives in New York in September 2002 with the intention of setting the fashion world on fire, only to be dragged out of his apartment in the dead of night and thrown into a cell in Guantanamo on suspicion of being a terrorist bomber. Among the damning pieces of evidence turned up by the Department of Homeland Security: His publicist’s name is Ben Laden. While Boy awaits trial, or at least a meeting with a lawyer, he writes down his detailed recollections of his life in America until his detention on charges that are never made clear to him.

Non-Enemy Combatant is both rollicking and teeth-gnashingly enraging—equally adept at describing a well-made dress and evoking the political climate in the US. The parts about the Philippines are less convincing, but we’re glad Gilvarry avoids the expected: there’s only a casual reference to Imelda Marcos, no one is made to eat balut as a test of fortitude, and the Pinoys are not portrayed as exotic island creatures. The fact that Boy is a heterosexual male fashion designer announces that this novel is skirting cliché. Boyet himself notes that this is not a scrappy immigrant story.

We don’t know how much time Alex Gilvarry has spent in Manila (he is half-Filipino), but we wonder if the case of the Filipino PR person who worked for Marc Jacobs in New York and had to wear an ankle monitor bracelet when his father the general was indicted on corruption charges was one of the sparks (But not an inspiration. Please.) for his novel.

From The Memoirs Of A Non-Enemy Combatant is available in the Viking hardcover edition at National Bookstores, Php995.

In Megasmall this afternoon we noticed a crowd gathered by the ice skating rink and thought there was some kind of competition going on. It wasn’t the ice they were watching, but the big screen showing old Whitney Houston music videos. Something from her blockbuster movie The Bodyguard (subsequently co-opted by Charice), which in the early 90s was so ubiquitous we wanted to take out a TRO on it. Yes, that song, “InDAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYY will always love YOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU…”

In those days we would turn up our headphones to block out the sound, but no noise-cancelling technology of the time could prevent it from shredding your nerves. We refused to watch The Bodyguard* because everyone was raving about it, same way we refused to watch Pretty Woman, Ghost, and later, Friends and E.R. Still haven’t seen them. We thought Whitney Houston was beautiful and had a great voice, but we did not care for her material.

Strange, then, that the sight of random mallgoers gathered before a screen was so affecting.

People die all the time, people who were loved, mourned and are still missed, but their passing goes unremarked except by those who knew them. Celebrity turns total strangers into extensions of ourselves—when something happens to them we feel like it’s happening to us. Whitney at the peak of her career was one of the most famous persons on earth, and then she made decisions that the audience disapproved of and became one of the most ridiculed.

As the impromptu Whitney memorial went on it occurred to us that this music we were either indifferent to or disliked actively was by default the soundtrack of the late 80s and 90s. You heard them whether you wanted to or not.

Their singer is gone, permanently fixed in the public memory at age 48, but we will go on living and getting older. Every time we hear one of her songs we will remember that she’s gone and we’re older. Until the time comes when we forget who sang the songs, which is even sadder.

*Remember Kevin Costner? Ruined by the love of his peers. They gave him Oscars he didn’t deserve for a movie we’ve forgotten. Adoration is dangerous because it is always followed by schadenfreude.

[Martin Scorsese (whose Goodfellas lost at the Oscars to Dances With Wolves) had to wait decades to formally receive the movie industry’s love, and to this day we look forward to his movies. We’re already standing in line for Hugo.]

THIS CONTEST IS EXTENDED. The new deadline is 21 February 2012 at noon.

EDSA, 7 February 2012

The winner of the Weekly LitWit Challenge 8.4: Which is better, the book or the movie? is——Nobody. Nobody wins. Not just because all the entries gave perfunctory answers, but because they didn’t really talk about the book or the movie, they talked about themselves.

So last week’s prizes will be added to this week’s contest.

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Almost forgot: If there are no other claimants in our Roger-Rafa prediction contest, the winner is Poli. Poli, please claim your your copy of Bossypants by Tina Fey at the Customer Service counter at National Bookstore in Rockwell.

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We’ve been covering Boysen KNOxOUT’s Project Edsa, the world’s first large-scale public art project using paints that can clean noxious air pollutants. The third wall in the series, by the filmmaker and architect, Tapio Snellman, was unveiled last week at the Cubao underpass.

For the Weekly LitWit Challenge 8.5 we’re focusing on Metro Manila’s main artery, Epifanio de los Santos Avenue. In 1,000 words or less, write a story that takes place right on Edsa. It can be a science-fiction tale, a melodrama, a horror story, a romance, a comedy, anything, as long as it happens on Edsa.

Apart from The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo poster and a copy of The Boy in the Suitcase, this week’s winner will receive a tote bag featuring the Project Edsa artwork on Ortigas by Baby and Coco Anne, and two paperbacks: Matterhorn by Karl Marlantes and Kafka on the Shore by Haruki Murakami.

Finalists will receive movie posters and tote bags. Thanks to Boysen KNOxOUT for the bags.

We’ll accept submissions until Tuesday, 14 February 2012.

The Weekly LitWit Challenge is brought to you by our friends at National Bookstore.

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By the way the Yucch-meter is on board for this one so the over-sensitive need not apply.

The Yucch-meter’s reactions in Comments.

“The Hare with Amber Eyes” describes the rise and fall of one family in Europe. Having written about them, the author was faced with the unintended consequences of his discoveries: that just as every national history belongs in a different way to every nation, so every family story belongs to each relation, and every narrative contains elements claimed in equal measure by the teller and the told.

Read Edmund de Waal’s Unfinished Business in More Intelligent Life.

From last year, our review of The Hare With Amber Eyes by Edmund de Waal.