This is Koosi a.k.a. The Mighty Goddess Bast in 2008. This is Koosi three days ago. She used to be a skinny cat until…ooh, topic for future column.
Stop the presses—or take that finger off the “Publish” button. Someone’s just made a live action movie starring cats.
We’ve noted the dearth of substantial roles for cats in recent movies, which is not only unjust but illogical since cats are great screen presences. You don’t even have to write a part specifically for a cat: just find an elegant character with an air of superiority and put a cat in the role. But how will the cat deliver her lines, you ask. Simple, you get a human to dub the dialogue. You should try it, it can only improve the movie. Don’t even explain what the cat is doing there, just carry on as if it’s the most normal thing in the world. Viewers will think it’s a psycho-drama, or a European art-house flick.
Not that we’re keen to defend the virtue of airport officials, but then he mentioned that the immigration staff were smoking. NAIA may be hideous and congested but we’ve not noticed anyone smoking in the immigration queues.
Second question: Kickass and John Carter were in town and we had no idea? Oy, our radar has failed us. So we consulted Google and found that Savages, the Oliver Stone movie, was filmed in Indonesia. Could Kitsch be mistaken about the location of the incident? Jet lag?
Of course it could’ve happened here but before you hang your head in shame at what the world thinks of us (They don’t), verify.
The report in the ABS-CBN news site is based on the same Letterman interview but there has been no independent verification. Who’s got a lead? Whose PR disaster: the Philippines’s, or Mr Kitsch’s (He’s got a movie opening here soon)?
Thanks to brewhuh for the alert.
0030. ABS-CBN has unpublished the report on its website.
It appears that Kitsch was not in the Philippines.
I got married early to my first serious boyfriend. I have a good looking husband, who sincerely wants to make me happy, I have equally good looking kids, ages 10, 6 and 2. I have supportive parents who take care of my children (I’m the youngest and the favorite- well because my siblings live abroad) while I am at work. I have a good paying job. My family’s close knit, God fearing. I am happy, contented with my every day routine , in short, I have a seemingly perfect life, so I thought until I met him.
He is six years my junior. We work in the same Company. At first, I never noticed him (he isn’t good looking) until that time someone close to him told me that he had a big crush on me because of my ‘elegance’. That perked up my interest because elegance would be the last of a description on how I view myself. We had a chance to meet in one of the Company gatherings and I found him to be so smart, funny, boyish and so assured of himself. I saw in him the things I failed to see in my husband. I fell for him and he longs for me and we both knew it. It’s just that it wasn’t right. But the more I thought about it, the more I wanted him. I gave in to my desire and decided to commit that one mortal sin- infidelity- emotional at first and then physical that went on deeper and deeper. We were compatible in all aspects (to think I have a great sex life with my husband).
That was four years ago, we stopped for almost three years because we wanted to move one with our lives while we still can. He was seeing someone and I got busy with my kids trying to be a patient mom and a good wife. We tried to be civil as if nothing happened between us. We have common friends so we can’t avoid each other. No one knew of that affair.But we both knew that no matter how hard we tried to move on, the attraction was still there and it was so great. So when he split up with his girlfriend, we again gave in to that attraction and had that steamy affair last year.
I may have still that God Fearing conscience in my system that Guilt got the better of me, and I decided to put a stop. Now he is trying to engage in a relationship with someone younger than him, with such a pretty, fresh face, intelligent and with a personality similar to him . The young girl and I work in the same building so I would get to know details of their blossoming love life. I feel jealous but I know that it’s the inevitable. They would make a perfect couple.
Auntie Janey, I know that I am wrong. I love my husband and I want to spend the rest of my life with him. But as of this time, I still long for the company of my other man. How do I cope up fast to get over him, please tell me. I feel jealous with the young girl. I begin to feel sad, depressed and I am frolicking on my own pain and insecurity. I can’t tell anybody else about this. I begin to have bouts of hyperventilation syndrome. I tried to focus in bonding more with my children and husband, but the other man keeps on getting in my head.
Please tell me how to get over him fast Auntie Janey.
The Female Derek Ramsey
TURN DOWN THE VOLUME IF YOU’RE WATCHING AT WORK OR IF THERE ARE KIDS AROUND, UNLESS YOU WANT TO DO THE BIRDS AND BEES TALK.
Dear Female Derek Ramsey,
This is a very difficult problem. It’s very hard to deal with lust. How can you make yourself get over someone who gives you very very good orgasms? Orgasms have a logic of their own and it is useless to reason with them.
I will not be quick to say that what you have done is wrong for I would be imposing my own values on you. But I will definitely say that what you have done is illegal. You, madame, are an adulteress. And this man you had steamy sex with several times, is an adulterer. Here’s a tip for the straight guys out there: if a woman wants to get on with you, don’t ask if she’s married for you can only be charged with adultery if you had knowledge of the woman’s marital status before coitus. I can hear the women cry “Unfair!(Insert feminist rantings here)”. Don’t complain to me. March to Congress.
Confessing to your husband might not be a good idea. It can be cathartic but you’ll be branded as a slut and he might kick you out of the house. Your life could go down the drain and I don’t think you’d want your children hating you. And people who know you might whisper “Is she blind? What did she see in that guy?” Wow, this is so like The Descendants and I think the reason why George Clooney’s wife cheated on him was because that other real estate guy gave her good orgasms. Another reference I could think of is Jhumpa Lahiri’s Interpreter of Maladies.
You could quit your job. If the guilt is truly eating you inside, putting a great distance between you and your object of lust could just be the thing. I think the reason why you cheated was because you were very bored with your routine and your life. This man gave you excitement and a sense of adventure which seduced you. He gave you something that you secretly longed for – thrills, drama, variety, and yes, steamy orgasms. You could try doing a very challenging and exciting job that would engage your whole being. A new working environment could satiate your need for adventure.
Another option would be doing some sort of penance. I am not saying that you should do something religious. This may sound a bit sick and twisted but you could punish yourself if that would assuage your guilt. I am not advocating self-flagellation or kneeling for hours in churches. Maybe a difficult personal mission. If we cannot find somebody to forgive us, we could forgive ourselves. Briony Tallis did some self-imposed penance in Atonement.
Confession could do you good. Maybe you could tell a very close friend, a trusted relative, or even a priest. Sometimes we just need somebody we could talk to. Talking about it can help you deal with the guilt and having someone to support you in your struggles might make dealing with your guilt a bit easier. I’m sure there are professional counselors out there who could help you with this.
I am very well aware that my mere words cannot stop that throbbing between your legs. You are under a very strong spell and it requires a very strong will to break it. Lust is a form of energy and you could channel it to other productive and wholesome pursuits. You need to preoccupy yourself with lots of work and activities. I find that immersing yourself into lots of things could kill your libido and at the same time give you fulfillment.
If all else fails, you have your hands or whatever suitable objects you can satisfy yourself with. A simple release would be enough to satiate you and enable you to get back to business.
If you cannot be contented with that, you are definitely in deep poop.
Truly Yours,
Auntie Janey
Got a pressing personal problem? Would you like to tell Auntie Janey? Email her at agoniesforauntiejaney@gmail.com. All letters and replies are published in their integral unedited versions.
Eddie Redmayne and Michelle Williams in My Week With Marilyn. Photo courtesy of The Weinstein Company as in “Wagi na naman si Harvey Weinstein, nanalo lahat ng manok niya.”
There is a type of movie comedy that we call the Babysitting An Overgrown Child category. In this kind of movie an entertainment industry newbie is assigned to look after an unbalanced celebrity, with hilarious and/or touching results. Earlier entries include My Favorite Year (Peter O’Toole as flamboyant boozehound movie actor) and Get Him to the Greek (Russell Brand as flamboyant rock star who was more interesting as a junkie). In Simon Curtis’s My Week With Marilyn, the celebrity is the spectacularly sexy, spectacularly famous and spectacularly insecure Marilyn Monroe. She is played by Michelle Williams, who is none of the above, but who makes up for the lack by being an extremely talented actress.
When the Mighty Goddess Bast (the name Koosi answers to) jumped onto our bedside table at 4am, loudly toppling a stack of books that missed our head by millimeters, we decided that it was time to put her on a diet. That’s not going to happen. So instead of putting our survival in jeopardy we declared an embargo on book acquisitions. “Acquisitions” as in “review copies included”.
This moratorium on book acquisitions takes effect immediately, and will be lifted only when we finish reading (or abandon from lack of interest) the following books:
Mother’s Milk by Edward St Aubyn – Yes it’s the fourth of the series, but we figure we’ll read the fourth and fifth books then double back to the beginning.
Girl Reading by Katie Ward – We like historical fiction.
Between the Woods and the Water by Patrick Leigh Fermor – The continuation of the walk the author took across Europe in 1933, from Holland to Constantinople. At the time of the walk the future traveller, writer and war hero was 18 and had just been expelled from school for a terrible offence: holding hands with a local girl. His account of the walk, written decades later, begins in A Time of Gifts, which we devoured in a day. If you ever feel trapped in your life, do yourself an enormous favor and get the NYRB editions of these two books. Patrick Leigh Fermor died last year but he had been working on the third book, which is slated for release next year.
The Old Reliable by P.G. Wodehouse – We’ve mentioned that we write better after we read P.G. Wodehouse so we’ve been hoarding his books.
Labyrinth by Kate Mosse – We like historical fiction especially if they’re thrillers. Recommended by Teddy-Wan Kenobi.
The Berlin Stories by Christopher Isherwood
Summer Lightning by P.G. Wodehouse
The Castle of Crossed Destinies by Italo Calvino
Boccaccio’s Decameron in a new translation by J.G. Nichols. We like to re-read Boccaccio during the Lenten season when people are required to castigate themselves. Particularly the tale of the well-endowed young man who pretends to be a deaf-mute and goes to work as a gardener at a nunnery…
Love Among the Chickens by P.G. Wodehouse
Midnight’s Children by Salman Rushdie – We’re going to India.
The Last Days of Disco, With Cocktails at Petrossian Afterwards by Whit Stillman – We’ve just discovered that the movie has been “novelized” by its own author. (Not in photo; ordered recently.)
Violations of this embargo are punishable by…nothing. What are we, nuts? This is just to make us read faster.
Eyeglasses by Maria Nella Sarabia, O.D.
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