Avengers Addicts Anonymous: Signs that you need help (Updated)
How to catch, and
How to throw. They come bearing gifs.
Why is our support group NOT called “Avengers Anonymous”?
Because you are not, have never been, and will never be an Avenger. You do not have superhuman powers. You will not put on a costume and assemble to fight extraterrestrial imperialists and other threats to the human race too powerful for a single superhero to deal with. You will not have S.H.I.E.L.D., Tony or even Pepper on speed-dial, and you can’t touch Mjolnir or give yourself a massive hernia by trying to lift it (Other than Thor only Captain America can do that, and the fact that we know that means we need this 12-step program). You will not go drinking with Natasha and Clint and reminisce about those days in Budapest, or debate the stretchability of polyester with Bruce.
Stark-Banner
Stark banner from the Game of Thrones wiki. We like to combine our obsessions.
What you are is an Avengers Addict, and you need to put your love of this fictional (Yes they are. They are!!!) group in perspective and readjust to real life, the one where Loki isn’t using the Tesseract to admit an army of fearsome Chitauri onto our planet because he can’t get over the fact that he can never compete with his marvelous brother.
YOU NEED HELP. We know exactly what you’re going through. We are here for you. So sign up in Comments for Avengers Addicts Anonymous. Together we can beat this thing! or at least know whom to go shopping for action figures with.
Signs that you may be an Avengers Addict.
1. You’ve seen the movie more than three times and will seize upon any excuse to see it again.
a. “I can’t believe you haven’t seen it yet, you must be one of the three people who hasn’t. Since I’m such a good friend I’ll take the day off from work today and go to the movies with you. No, no problem, I just don’t want you to feel left out.”
b. “Oh you don’t love it? It’s because you’re mature. I’d better see it again, maybe I’ve matured since my last viewing.”
c. “My 5-year-old niece adores Captain America? Isn’t it a little early? I’ll watch Avengers again to check if it’s suitable viewing for 5-year-olds.”
d. “I can’t believe we missed the post-credits shawarma scene! There’s a screening at 5.40.” (Knowing full well that the shawarma scene was in the U.S. release)
e. “That’s Thanos.”
“No, it’s the Kree.”
“Thanos.”
“Kree.”
“Thanos! Hence ‘courting Death’.”
“Kree!”
“That’s it, then, we have to see Avengers again.”
f. “Really, the line is ‘Better clench up, Legolas’ and not ‘Clench up, Legolas’? We’d better make sure…”
g. “I had that exact same Black Sabbath T-shirt and I think it’s been stolen. You know, the one Tony Stark is wearing. How could you not notice? Do you have 2 and a half hours?”
h. “Agent Coulson is their Xander. You didn’t notice? We have to watch it again.”
i. “Harry Dean Stanton now accepts tiny guest appearances? In the building the Hulk falls into. Yes, the star of Paris, Texas. Well we have to support the cinema. Meet you at the box-office.”
Repeat, replacing Stanton with Jerzy Skolimowski.
k. “Did you notice how Thanos goes, ‘They are not the cowering wretches we were pro-MESSED!’ It’s only two and a half hours into the movie…”
What are your signs/symptoms? Confess! Unburden yourself! We will offer consolation when we get back from the next screening. Which we’re only watching in order to understand you better, we swear.
* * * * *
Good news! Based on your comments, there’s nothing wrong with you that time and a life can’t address. So no shock therapy. For now.
True, some of you have a crush on a drama queen with horns and a cape, but it’ll pass. Your Loki thing may be
a. Projection. You see yourself in him/You have issues with the parents and/or are dying to walk around in a cape.
b. The expression of a desire for a little drama in your life.
c. An admission of your unfulfilled diva nature.
d. Interesting that this Loki fixation is prevalent in females. It’s not that you have sympathy for the villain; could be you’re a fag hag. (You need to hang around with more fabulous gay people. Sorry, we don’t share.)
Answers to questions you might be asking, unless you wandered onto this site purely by accident >>>
May 21st, 2012 at 11:17
It took all my willpower not to watch it a fourth time last night, and convince myself that groceries are more important. But as I was idly browsing for instant noodles and vienna sausages, the entire movie flashed before my eyes! So that’s my power – “videographic memory”! Can I be an Avenger now? :D
May 21st, 2012 at 11:30
It’s a fairly common ability. Watching it thrice does not make you one.
May 21st, 2012 at 11:43
In that case, I will prove my worth this very lunch break – 20 minutes from now – mwahahahahaha! And I’m watching Thor again! If I can’t make it to the Avengers Addicts Anonymous – I’ll start “Loco for Loki Anymous” :D
May 21st, 2012 at 11:49
Read the top paragraph AGAIN.
You CANNOT be an Avenger.
What you are is an Avengers ADDICT.
The Reading Comprehension remedial class is that way.
May 21st, 2012 at 12:23
Geek alert:
Wonder Woman, during the DC vs. Marvel cross-over in the late 1990s, is also worthy of lifting Mjolnir.
I can’t offhand recall if Superman was able to do this during the JLA vs. Avengers mini-series in the 2000s, but I reckon he most likely was able to lift Mjolnir, too.
Of course, that’s DC, but hey, it was published with Marvel. :)
May 21st, 2012 at 12:37
it hurts MY SOUL that I haven’t seen this yet. (Haven’t seen a movie since Harry Potter last year, and only because it was my wedding anniversary and someone agreed to watch the kids. FML.) Watch it with meeee? Because I only saw “Thor” last weekend I have the major hots for Loki. Mmmm conflicted guys with issues and charming evil smiles mmmm.
May 21st, 2012 at 13:14
Hello, I am an Avengers Addict. No, scratch that. I’m a Loki Addict.
1) When I saw Thor, I really felt nothing special about Loki or the actor who played him. I was impressed by his acting and his costume, but mostly I was busy wondering how Chris Hemsworth fit into those jeans, and if the jeans were even necessary.
2) I didn’t want to see The Avengers initially, because I knew it would be so hyped and I was sick of seeing and working on related merchandise for work for months.
3) Then one day, I woke up, went to work, logged into tumblr, and saw post after post of Tom Hiddleston being handsome in and out of costume during the US premiere. I was all “hey boy I know I didn’t care about you but why are you so hot in that suit and your eyes really blue and your hair all curly today what why how…?”
4) Since that day, my browser had nothing but Tom Hiddleston 24/7, and I’ve seen Thor for the millionth time. I need help.
5) I actually lined up for The Avengers on the opening weekend, when the tickets were all sold out at lunchtime. I usually don’t do this, but my boyfriend is a Marvel fan and insisted. Also, I was drawn in to those really blue eyes.
5a I was a wreck in the movies. I nearly passed out when Loki was onscreen, but it was a constant assault. I mean, Captain America’s ass. Bruce Banner with glasses. Thor going all stoner and having an affair with his biceps.
5b I want a prequel titled “Budapest,” with Hawkeye and Black Widow.
5c Still in denial with Coulson. No. He will be an Avenger.
5d Me: “This movie is objectifying men like FHM photos are objectifying women.” Boyfriend: “I would disagree but then I saw your face so yeah pretty much.”
5e Even with all these distractions, still onboard the story and the humor. You win, Whedon.
5f I haven’t seen The Avengers again, but I live in tumblr and almost all of the movie is in gifs now and I really don’t have to (except I totally do).
5g Almost all fan art and mash-ups are excellent. I want a short of the Pixar/Avengers mash-up, because it can happen – and I abhorred this idea at first when Disney bought Marvel.
6) It’s embarrassing that I now follow him on Twitter because he’s adorable and he makes his imaginary conversations with Loki and himself public.
7) I want to see Tom’s audition for Thor in DVD, because he initially wanted the Thor role and bulked up. Preferably shirtless.
7a Also, let’s see all the actors’ auditions! Especially Chris Evans’ and Hemsworth’s. Preferably shirtless.
7b Speaking of Chris Evans and DVDs, I hope they show that rumored scene in The Avengers where Cap rescues an old man who was a war veteran and went teary-eyed and said “You’re back!” or something to that effect.
7b When will the pre-ordering start?
7c Speaking of DVDs, currently waiting for my friend’s copy of The Deep Blue Sea. Tom as a RAF pilot having an affair with Rachel Weisz. I heard that the movie wasn’t that good but YES PLEASE.
8) I’m this close into reading fan fiction again. And almost all the Loki-related fics are slash pairings. The idea alone makes me blush. But let’s see.
May 21st, 2012 at 13:39
I would like to add another one:
“k. The moment you learned there is a working camrip copy of The Avengers in PirateBay, you downloaded the torrent and let it seed… so you can watch it again at home after coming from the cinemas.”
May 21st, 2012 at 18:15
How about cyber-sifting through pages and pages of The Avengers tumblr page to see photos, gifs and whatnots of Tony Stark, the Cap’s butt, watching video clips of the Thor’s interviews (that voice, my gosh!), the bromances (so sorry ScarJo) and all that Loki XDDDDD
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=snpfkxszz8Q&feature=youtu.be
Loki dancing for his brother
http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m42c2pTIkU1rujqhdo1_250.gif
Avengers in high school
http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m425mpSLkd1qf1wnio1_500.jpg
And one of my fave- Hulk & Loki!!! Aieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!
http://img843.imageshack.us/img843/2402/hulkloki.gif
May 21st, 2012 at 18:39
ambulantfeather, a real addict pays for a fix. You need to join Cheap Anonymous.
May 21st, 2012 at 18:45
You do know that Loki is a character out of Norse mythology, right? You are obsessed with a mythical creature. Like a unicorn, a pretty, pretty unicorn!
Naah, what you have is a crush on Tom Hiddleston. You like a tall, well-dressed person with nice manners and a posh accent. They have become quite rare. It will pass.
May 21st, 2012 at 18:50
Somebody asked in Twitter, “why isn’t Sleipnir in War Horse?” Natawa ako.
May 21st, 2012 at 18:54
Wallander the TV detective series starring Kenneth Branagh. Probably how he got the Thor gig.
May 21st, 2012 at 18:57
brewhuh23: Don’t worry, your case is curable. It’s called “You need to get out of the office.”
May 21st, 2012 at 22:18
Thank you, allancarreon, for that vital bit of information that we will use to boggle the “normal” people! Nyahahaa!
May 22nd, 2012 at 09:45
Ignore the previous; this is what I meant to post.
—-
Dear fans of Loki/ Tom Hiddleston:
You have nothing to be ashamed of with liking Hiddleston in that cape. You might have more of a problem if you’re looking up books in Norse mythology and pasting Hiddles’ face onto every single illustration, but otherwise you’re perfectly okay. (Um, not that I’ve done that to Hawkeye. Thank you, costume designers, for not letting Jeremy Renner wear the purple leotard with matching mask.)
Just to put things in perspective, here is what happened when my cousins and I went to watch Thor on my first night of my visit in Auckland.
(Loki shows up.)
Elder male cousin, long time comic-book fanboy: “Loki! Asteeeeeg!”
Younger female cousin, long-time observer of her kuya’s comic-book fanboyishness: “Ay, si Loki! Astiiiig.”
Movie buddy of male cousin: “Who is that guy?”
Me: “SINO YAAAAAAAAN?” (Yes, I speak in all-caps and extend my vowels whenever somebody gets my attention in a movie, other than the main character and/or person I already have a crush on in the cast.)
Of course I was watching Thor because [SEMI-SPOILER] you-know-who did show up for a hot minute [/SEMI-SPOILER], but Tom Hiddleston was so great *as an actor* playing Loki that I actually wanted to see more. This explains why, when I found out that Loki/Tom was going to be in Avengers, I thought, “Wow, andun din siyaaaaaaaa? Must. Watch. This.” And I usually, by nature, have no sympathy for kontrabidas.
So when people ask me if there’s anything wrong with them liking Loki, I say no. He’s THAT good.
(JZ: I have heard people comparing Hiddleston to Fassbender; apart from the intense stare, I don’t see it.)
May 22nd, 2012 at 11:12
Tom Hiddleston supports Liverpool FC too! Ahahay. Kami na.
May 22nd, 2012 at 11:57
Could be an addiction to bringing up your trip to Auckland.
May 22nd, 2012 at 13:05
JZ: Yup, I need a life. And a diversion, until Prometheus opens in June. *slinks away*
May 22nd, 2012 at 13:15
God bless the GIF makers and Tumblr!
paramahinan na lang ng saved files! Another symptom: At least 100 saved jpgs or gifs in one sitting…
May 22nd, 2012 at 13:34
Jessica, the d. comment is interesting. When Thor was released here I was working with a lot of fabulous gay people and I had zero interest in Loki. Now I suffer from the lack of them and look where I am now.
The other tall, well-dressed person/actor with a posh accent and good manners I know is Benedict Cumberbatch. Obviously I have a thing for them.
May 22nd, 2012 at 18:05
amypond: Kurak, or as the fabulous would say, Courreges! the fashion label.
May 22nd, 2012 at 22:15
stellalehua: Always useful to do something outside your regular routine. Camping? Macrame? Change hair color? Here’s something related to the comics/movie: Learn Russian.
May 22nd, 2012 at 22:53
Russian! Now I have a good reason to bump up Anna Karenina on the reading list. Although this book looks pretty interesting too: http://amzn.to/JaHgTB
For what it’s worth, Black Widow did convince me to start experimenting with my curling iron again, and it looks like my technique has improved significantly.
May 24th, 2012 at 18:57
Just saw this entry because I’ve been too busy watching the movie. If you can call strong men who can carry me out of the theater (without getting distracted by the movie), please do.
May 24th, 2012 at 21:54
listbonne: Your rescue is at hand. The movie’s been showing for one month today so the theatres should be changing movies soon. You’ll be free! Free!
May 29th, 2012 at 16:28
Is there a 12-step program to temporarily detox them from our system?
I’ve exhausted all tumblrs and youtube vids; they’re on endless repeat . How do we cope until the next Iron Man 3, Thor 2, and Avengers 2? I will simply die of heartbreak if there are no cameos. How do we cope, and can we?
I suspect that I will still like Spiderman and The Dark Knight Rises and Superman, but I highly doubt they will have the same endless effect as the Avengers’. How and where do we get our fix? Ohgahd, I need help!