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Jessica Zafra with rugby player Matty Saunders of the national team. Photo by Nigel Saunders. Fred Perry shirt that does not match Amy Winehouse’s vision for it from Ricky, earrings from Jeffrey.

In photographs we usually look like some mutant gnat under an electron microscope. So when Mr. Saunders sent us this photo which he took at the A5N championship in April, we were amazed at our resemblance to a human being and immediately posted it as evidence.

How do you take a good picture?

a. Support a winning team so that you are genuinely happy in the photo and not just pretending to be a good sport.

b. Sit next to a good-looking person. That way he is automatically the focal point of the picture and with any luck, no one will notice you are in it. When they do notice you there is the inevitable unflattering comparison, but at least the pressure is off you while the photo is being taken.

c. Use your vast forehead as a reflector to ensure optimal illumination. The bright flash aimed directly at your face will erase any spots or lines.

Of course there’s nothing like a good skin care regimen. Ours is 1) Sleep 9 hours a day; 2) Eat meat; 3) Don’t have children, adulthood is very bad for the complexion; and 4) Don’t have long-term relationships, only short, aggravating ones you are relieved to escape.

d. Make sure the sporting event is held outdoors on a frizzling hot and humid day. Everyone will sweat buckets. They never mention this in commercials, but sweat is an excellent conditioner. You can’t smell photos.

e. Get Jay Lozada to cut your hair. Look for him on Facebook. He’ll probably decline so make him an offer he can’t refuse (i.e. “I know Chris Hemsworth.”) Also, stay away from hair dryers and accept that not everyone has long straight perfect hair like in shampoo ads, not even the girls in shampoo ads.

f. If you’re fat, don’t lose too much weight because your skin will sag. You’ll never be a model, but you can eat whatever you like. Hold your big arms close to your sides and compress. Also, if you have a wide face, you need proportionately large eyeglasses.

g. Hang out with fabulous gay people in the hope of picking up style by osmosis.

h. We should’ve remembered to keep our mouth very slightly open to produce the illusion of fuller lips. The stretched closed mouth makes us look smug. Or smugger than usual.

i. “How come you get to hang out with guys we want to see naked?” Because we’re a bro. Read You Are Not His Girlfriend: How To Know When You’ve Been Bro’d. It’s educational and hysterical!