Saffy is 12! Today she will grant wishes.
Happy Birthday, Saffron Sassafras Saoirse Sigourney Schmitz Scorsese Zafra-Safin!
We are not doing the annual advice thing because Saffy says all human problems are the same—Boring!—and humans should just get over themselves.
Instead of playing the Oracle, Saffy has consented to hear your wishes and grant the ones that please her.
You may petition her in Comments.
Answers to questions you might be asking, unless you wandered onto this site purely by accident >>>
June 16th, 2012 at 02:31
Thank you Saffy! Baby girl and i appreciate the patience upgrade. She’s only 4 months by the way.
June 16th, 2012 at 04:39
Happy b-day Saffy! It seems only yesterday when I was reading about you in the early Twisted series… now you’re 12!! Hmm… My wish is that I get my asshole ex back just so I can dump him (he lied and cheated) hahahaha. Nah, that would prolly be a waste of time. You prolly won’t grant that anyway. I wish for good health and good life for my family, a new boyfriend for me haha (good attitude and looks lol), and a fulfilling career. :))
June 16th, 2012 at 09:35
Happy birthday, Saffy! You look stunning as always. You’re entering adolescence, so good luck.
I wish for my dad’s recovery from his heart disease. I know it’s such a predictable human wish but unfortunately I’m a human and not a pretty cat.
Coffee table book with hot football players in skimp-wear is wish #2. Thanks saffykins!
June 16th, 2012 at 11:59
Alas, this is a greeting a few hours late. Happy Birthday Saffy! May you continue to pose photogenically for more blog posts of your human. :)
And here is my wish: Please do send subliminal messages to your human to publish more books. Although I did enjoy the Twisted Flicks and Twisted Travels books, the bits that cause me to double over with laughter the most (even while reading them out in public, much to dread of passersby), are the ones about your human; her life, experiences, and the lot. Saffy, tell her to cannibalize her life some more. Suggest that she call it “Twisted Me”, or better yet “Twisted, I Am” and on the cover could be a caricature Master Yoda wearing one of your human’s eyeglasses. :) Happy Birthday Saffy, please feed these transmissions to her as stealthily as you can, so she won’t assume its some kind of conspiracy. Hahaha.
June 16th, 2012 at 15:53
really Ms JZ? Wow really thanks! I’ve been a bum for 3 months now, positive that someone would call but missed it last night (or earlier this morning as they called me around 2am in the morning…to what email add will I send it to? Salamat! :)
June 16th, 2012 at 16:17
Happy birthday, Saffy the Fierce!
I wish you could give me “The Contortionist’s Handbook” by Craig Clevenger or any film by Audrey Hepburn. I saw the collection in National Bookstore but when I came back for it, it’s gone.
Anyway, if that wish is too much, can you just please advise the people behind National Bookstore to store and categorize the book properly and stop “customers” from tearing the books out of the plastic wrap? Whenever I go to the bookstore, I look at the books and I can almost hear them crying for help.
June 16th, 2012 at 16:57
jeffwar314
You will only get crap jobs at that level of reading comprehension. What part of “If…in one month” is difficult to understand.
June 16th, 2012 at 17:01
lestat
Join us for drinks with greeneggsnham. We will email you.
June 16th, 2012 at 17:12
blackcat
If you must actively search for a boyfriend instead of waiting for one to turn up, I suggest you take an interest in sports and attend sporting events. Don’t date the athletes as many of them are self-absorbed fatheads with deplorable grammar. Look at the other viewers. Your wishes are granted.
June 16th, 2012 at 17:17
f878
You will never have Kit Harington. I grant you a real life.
June 16th, 2012 at 17:27
My birthday is over in all hemispheres, what a relief. Humans are so tiresome and predictable, with all their wanting and importuning. Your species wins the evolutionary sweepstakes and you waste your time on trifles. Why do you yearn to be told what to do? You are not sheep. Sheep are dumb but warm, fluffy and delicious. I am Saffy, I have spoken.
June 17th, 2012 at 14:35
awaaaaaaard! noted on that! antaray nman :)
June 17th, 2012 at 16:41
Hi Saffy! I hope you had a great birthday.
I know you would only grant wishes on your birthday, but could you squeeze in this one? I wish all our “pet” stray cats would stop stealing food from the dinner table.
June 18th, 2012 at 13:33
CCL
Please check your email (the address you used to register on this site) as soon as you can. It’s about your cat.
June 19th, 2012 at 17:39
hi jessica. i saw that youre suspending litwit indefinitely in a latest post, but allow me to still suggest some ‘assignments’ here (since youve asked johnbristol for ideas)–
1) Write a sex-advice column
2) “Be auntie janey for a day” Publish a letter for auntie janey, but allow contestants to write the advice instead.
3) Modern love vs. ‘oldentimes’ love. (love affairs, the whole package, happen in sms today!) Was reading nytimes’s modern love anthology last saturday. Great book.
4) Youre a judge in a beauty contest, you’ve been given a chance to ask one question… (today, picking a judge’s name from a fishbowl is a fixture even in baranggay contests. I saw it this year one gay contest in tondo)
5) Answer the question from #9 (as a beauty queen of course)
6) Recall the hardest exam you’ve taken, and the most creative cheating you’ve done or seen. Write it as a short story.
7) Recall the hardest presentation that you’ve done at work, or the funniest/weirdest job interview question youve heard. Write it as a short story.
8) Something about philosophy, like write a treatise on philosophy or a technical article (eng’g paper), on a given topic. make sure to embody that hard-to-read writing :-) (I just watched three woody allens last weekend, and it’s funny how allen or his characters always say Kierkegaard’s name. Kierkegaard, Kierkegaard!)
9) Write a section of a screenplay starring _____ and _______
10) If you have 10M USD budget to do one pinoy movie, who would you cast and what would it be about? Write a partial sequence treatment.
11) More haiku contests (on a particular topic).
12) Write a short short story (a la lydia davis) at exactly 79 [or whatever number of] words. This is patterned after the current esquire ‘short short fiction’ contest. samples from dave eggers and others are here
http://www.esquire.com/fiction/fiction-contest-0612-eggers#slide-4
13) a day in the job (regular work day), some piece about your boss… there’s always irony at the workplace!
i dont have to elaborate on how much i look forward to reading the entries and your judging. they relieve tension from a long day at work. pls dont suspend litwit for too long.