JessicaRulestheUniverse.com

100% Turd. Die screaming, you little shit, die!

(Give that actor an Emmy, we hate him with a passion.)

Tyrion Lannister: 100% Hot Stuff.

Pinoy: 100% Manlalait, as we can see from the parodies of that unfortunate advertisement. If it were just the photos and the tagline we might’ve let it go—the photos are quite nice—but the ungrammatical, innumerate, illogical, ignorant manifesto is more than we can bear.

Our favorite takes:

– 50% German, 50% Moreno (0% Tulugan)
– Mahal: 50%
– Alahas: 50% Down Payment, 50% Hulugan
and this Game of Thrones version Chus spotted. As far as we can tell it’s Ruby Redulla’s idea; hope you don’t mind our using it.

Hey a line of (legal, authorized and kosher) affordable Game of Thrones T-shirts would go a long way in shutting us up.

Meanwhile, among people who can spell DNA: DNA Blueprint for Fetus Built Using Tests of Parents, in the NYT.

GATTACA, here we come.

The question was: Who is your favorite Pawn Stars character?

The winners are:

udongski: “Chum Lee! The jester of the group bringing in the laughs and acting as a guinea pig for most of the tests conducted by the show. He may look like the least likely to give an accurate information on items but he has his moments.”

chosen_one: “It has to be Rick. he’s the heart and soul of the show. The guy’s fair, as a business man he needs to make money but not at the expense of cheating the seller just for a quick buck. The tidbits he spits out is both informative and educational while his classic “I know a guy that knows this stuff” will live on for ages.”

dog1ph: “Back in the day…The Old Man for the way he treats the customers. Sure, Rick and the boys get most of the air time since the old man’s catching his zzzz’s but you can see when he talks to customers that he’s got that very respectable way of asking you if you want to sell it or pawn it. Even calling some customers ma’am, young lady or sir, which often softens the blow of his saying “That’s not going to happen” when a counter-offer’s in the making…”

Congratulations you three, you each win an autographed hardcover copy of of License To Pawn: Deals, Steals, and My Life at the Gold & Silver by Rick Harrison, proprietor of the World-Famous Gold & Silver Pawn Shop at the center of the hit History Channel series, Pawn Stars.

Please post your full names in Comments (They won’t be published) so you can claim your prizes.

Update: dog1ph and chosen_one, you may pick up your prizes at the Customer Service counter, National Bookstore, Power Plant Rockwell, Makati. (Sorry we can’t have prizes sent to other branches as this is not an NBS-sponsored contest, they just agreed to be the drop.) udongski, we need your full name.

That’s the end of our License to Pawn giveaway. Thanks to the History Channel, Pawn Stars, and everyone who joined this contest. Don’t forget to catch Pawn Stars, Mondays at 10pm on the History Channel.

Can’t wait. The filmmaker and his distributors are deciding whether to acknowledge the L. Ron Hubbard connection.

Aha! Joaquin could do the roles that would’ve gone to Dennis Hopper.

Ray Bradbury and cat, photo from Wired.

Ray Bradbury, 1920-2012.

Interviewer: Why do you write science fiction?

Ray Bradbury: Science fiction is the fiction of ideas. Ideas excite me, and as soon as I get excited, the adrenaline gets going and the next thing I know I’m borrowing energy from the ideas themselves. Science fiction is any idea that occurs in the head and doesn’t exist yet, but soon will, and will change everything for everybody, and nothing will ever be the same again. As soon as you have an idea that changes some small part of the world you are writing science fiction. It is always the art of the possible, never the impossible.

Read The Paris Review Interview with Ray Bradbury

Love, your orphans.

To our relief, Prometheus is not a repeat of our Phantom Menace horror in which a filmmaker takes a beloved movie from our childhood and craps all over it. (See Patton Oswalt on the Star Wars prequel abominations.) Ridley Scott’s prequel to Alien—and it is a prequel, even if he doesn’t say so—is weird, gripping and provocative.

It doesn’t have the claustrophobic horror of Alien. Noomi Rapace isn’t our badass Ellen Ripley, Sigourney Weaver. There is no Jonesy the ginger cat. The plot is reminiscent of Erich von Daniken’s Chariots of the Gods and the TV show Ancient Aliens. There’s nothing like that scene in the original where John Hurt is having breakfast when he has the worst tummy ache in history—a scene we acted out at breakfast for an entire year. But Prometheus is enthralling in its own right: a movie that asks the big questions and makes you come up with your own answers. And it looks fabulous.

1. The protagonist Dr. Elizabeth Shaw (Noomi Rapace) is a Christian and a proponent of “intelligent design”, the shiny rebranding of creationism. She is on a quest to find the “engineers” of the human race.

What is the movie saying about creation and belief?

2. Think about Asimov’s Three Laws of Robotics. Do they apply to the android David, played with full Uncanny Valley brilliance by our husband Michael Fassbender?

3. Compare and contrast Prometheus with Kubrick’s 2001: A Space Odyssey, especially HAL/David and Weyland/aged Dave Bowman.

4. A common problem among prequels is that the technology onscreen is more advanced than that in the earlier movie (which is supposed to have taken place later). Worst offender: the Phantom Menace. How does Prometheus fare in this respect?

Compare the grunginess of the old Nostromo with the gleaming antiseptic Prometheus.

5. Does the captain’s (Idris Elba) big decision strike you as sudden or arbitrary?

So what is the alien?

Why Lawrence of Arabia? And why is the android more interesting than any of the people?

Are you happy to see the goo?

Remember: Don’t listen to the old farts. Think for yourselves.

Ayyyy the return of eugenics! Racism disguised as nationalism: the idea that having Filipino genes automatically imbues one with special qualities. And we thought Dr. Mengele was dead.

P.S. Please hire a copy editor, your grammar is atrocious.

* * * * *

Take this one, greeneggsnham.

…the campaign also promotes bad mathematics and a poor understanding of genetics (from a Punnet square perspective at least).

I submit yer heneur.