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Watson: You’re alive!!!
Holmes: You have a moustache!!!

There’s been a lot of grumbling about how hard it is to get tickets to Cinemalaya—and this is a good thing. The shows are sold-out!

If you don’t buy your tickets well in advance or book seats online, good luck getting into the screenings at Greenbelt. Given the clamor for tickets and the heightened interest in this year’s entries, wouldn’t it be great if the Cinemalaya screenings at Greenbelt, Trinoma, and Alabang Town Center were extended for another week?

Yesterday we didn’t get to Greenbelt till 3pm and all the screenings we wanted to attend were full. Luckily we ran into friends at the coffee shop, merienda turned into a swap meet, and we scored the precious tickets to Amor y Muerte.

Set in the town of Polo, Bulacan in the 16th century, Ces Evangelista’s Amor y Muerte is about the clash of civilizations: the repressive religion of the Spanish colonizers versus the sexual freedom of the indigenous people. Or as Max the French film critic put it: It’s more fun in the Philippines!

The stuck-up colonial regime is represented by Diego (Markki Stroem), a Spanish official. The sexually uninhibited population is represented by Apitong (Adrian Sebastian), a native Tagalog who lives in the forest. Diego is married to a Tagalog woman, Amor (Althea Vega) who used to be Apitong’s lover. Amor is quite voracious, and within hours of Diego’s departure to help quell Lakandula’s rebellion in Manila, she’s throwing off her clothes and jumping under the waterfalls with Apitong.

Suddenly we were seized with nostalgia for the “agribusiness” classics of the 90s: Kangkong, Talong, Itlog, Patikim Ng Pinya, and Kapag Ang Bigas Ay Naging Kanin, May Bumayo Kapag Ang Palay Naging Bigas, May Bumayo. This is a movie in which the culture wars are fought with butts: Diego’s pale Spanish buns against Apitong’s tanned native ass, both of them, uhh, pounding away at the issue.

Apitong would seem to have the advantage because he walks around in a loincloth and carries a very large python. A literal python—among other things he’s an exterminator, specializing in rat infestations. (Every time the word “sawa” was uttered we could not contain our shrieks of laughter.) However, Diego makes up for being fully-dressed by taking off his clothes every ten minutes or so. Markki Stroem’s acting is terrible but no one could take their eyes off him because he’s so naked.

The production design is hilariously slipshod, and the 16th century costumes look like they came from SM five minutes ago. Their “scrolls” have machine-cut edges and plastic rollers and the words are written with chisel-edge marker pens. Someone appears looking like a reject from Huwag Mong Buhayin Ang Bangkay and is asked, “Kumusta na?” Yet, for all its deficiencies, this movie has a daffy vigor that puts many of its high-minded competitors to shame.

Entonces, an peliqulan ito ay naqaqathira nan ulo! Huwaq qaliqtaan!

What the production gets right: Althea Vega looks like the Chinese-Filipino mestiza in this 19th century photo by Francisco Van Camp.

You know how very close friends sometimes quarrel over the most trivial things? The other night we were recalling how two of our friends had had a spat over a comment one of them made about the other’s outfit. Eventually they forgot what they had quarreled about and resumed being good friends.

“An insult over fashion?” we said. “Wala yan. Naaalala niyo noong nilait ako ng taong-grasa?” (That’s nothing. Remember when we were insulted by the homeless?)

We have these funny earrings we’re very fond of, made of empty super-glue tubes. One day we wore them to lunch with Chus at a cafe near Burgos. After the lunch, we were waiting for a taxi when we were approached by a homeless person completely covered in soot and grime. She walked up to us, stared at our earrings and said, with great concern, “Ate, bakit ganyan ang hikaw mo?” (Why are your earrings like that?) Yes, our fashion accessories were dissed by a street person.

After he had finished laughing, Leo suggested that we wear the super-glue earrings to a formal function or someplace where people are really dressed-up. As luck would have it, we had a lunch appointment with Toni and Martha the following day at Terraz in the new Zuellig Building on Makati Avenue.

We have been curious about the Zuellig Building, which not only has an arresting facade but is a certified Green building. It’s their corporate headquarters so we figured the people in it would be in business attire, i.e. not likely to be wearing earrings made of empty super-glue tubes.

So we found our super-glue earrings, which we haven’t worn since we were doing rugby coverage (They were an in-joke: rugby? super-glue?).

We were having coffee and dessert when the European man at the next table approached us. “I just want to say that I like your earrings!”

The moral of the story is—Well, there is no moral in this story. File under Differences in Taste/Cultural Differences: What may seem quirky/interesting to a foreigner can look like garbage to a street person. This is also true for cinema.

SANA DATI Official Trailer from Jerrold Tarog on Vimeo.

As the credits rolled, we sat there with tears and snot pouring down our faces and decided that it was not the time to be clever. We were floored, we were gobsmacked, we were won over completely. This is a love story that plays like a suspense thriller—you can sense the tension long before you have an inkling of what’s going on. It is a real romance—you feel yourself brimming with emotion, and you’re not even sure who the lovers are. It is a work of cinematic virtuosity that doesn’t call attention to itself.

We spend a lot of time bitching about Filipino cinema; this is a movie that makes us shut up. All we could say to Jerrold Tarog in a text was: !@#$%^ mo, naiyak kami doon, ang ganda.

Sana Dati. Direction, screenplay, editing, musical score and sound design by Jerrold Tarog.

The remaining screenings:

Today, August 1: 4pm at Trinoma; 4pm at Alabang Town Center; 9pm at CCP Tanghalang Huseng Batute

Tomorrow, August 2: 4pm at Greenbelt 3; 9pm at CCP MKP Hall

Saturday, August 3: 6:30pm at Trinoma

Sunday, August 4: 1:30pm at Trinoma; 1:30pm at Alabang Town Center

Shoes! The handmade oxfords in abel fabric that we ordered from Shoes by Kai have arrived. “Handmade” means “You have to wait two weeks, but they will fit perfectly.” We were wondering if the shoes would survive rainy weather—they did.

Box! The cats always get excited over cardboard boxes. We used to bring them presents in boxes, but found that they couldn’t care less about the contents. So we’ve dispensed with the presents and just give them the boxes.

Saffy and Koosi took turns curling up inside the box. Clearly they imagine themselves to be little kittens.