“Dear Satan”–this is what happens to children who can’t spell
Each year, due mostly to minor misspellings and very poor penmanship, hundreds of children’s letters are sent to Satan, Dark Lord of the Underworld. Always in the market for the souls of innocents, Satan will often take the time to respond.
Dear Satan,
What I really want this year more than anything is a Barbie Dream House. It’s pretty and pink and I will keep it in my room near my bed!
Merry Christmas,
Allison, Age 6
*
Allison,
It really should go without saying, but I will not be getting you this so-called dream house because I, of course, do not want to. But I will suggest this: buy it yourself. Simply take two or three dollars from your mom or dad’s wallet each day (adults never know the exact amount they have) and soon enough you’ll have your useless and silly miniature house. (Although, really, it’s Barbie’s body you should be working to attain.)
Why you and so many others feel the need to tell me your age is something that will forever baffle me.
Regards,
Satan, Infinite
Read it at The New Yorker.
And now, Thor vs Santa! (A historical grudge match, Santa Claus being based largely on Thor the god of thunder. What a gyp, Chris Hemsworth could be turning up at our houses on Xmas eve.)
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