JessicaRulestheUniverse.com

On surveillance, security, and the freedom to send out dick-pics.

We’ve always stayed in Metro Manila during the lenten holidays. While everyone makes a mad dash to the provinces, enduring traffic, congestion and the infernal heat only to run into the exact same people they encounter daily in the city they have just escaped, we enjoy Manila. Emptied of its frantic inhabitants, this place is actually charming: temporarily quiet, comparatively less polluted and chaotic.

We can tool up and down the highway at top speed and visit the burbs which we never see during the working week. Hence our decades-old plan to shut the entrances to Metro Manila and declare it an independent republic one Black Saturday, preventing the vacation crowd from returning to block our view. Aalis-alis kayo, huwag na kayong bumalik.

In recent years many people have caught on that the best place to spend the long weekend is Manila. (Or maybe there are just more people.) We no longer have the city to ourselves. More restaurants stay open, but they’re all full. You have to make reservations at Old Swiss Inn and good luck getting into Cafe Adriatico. Traffic around the restaurants is as heavy as weekday traffic.

Our secret city is gone. Next year we will contrive to get as far away as possible. (Unless by saying this everyone decides to get out next year, in which case we will stay.)

FEFF, now on its 17th year, is the largest showcase of Asian pop cinema in Europe. Film festivals tend to be hectic and impersonal—endless jockeying for tickets and interviews, watching ponderous movies until you end up in a waking coma—but FEFF is fun. The focus is on popular entertainment, the spectators are unabashed movie fans, and the atmosphere is convivial. You can actually hang out with the filmmakers without having to beat your head against a solid wall of press agents and suits.

This year the festival opens with a concert by Joe Hisaishi, composer of the music for Hadao Miyazaki’s films including Nausicaa, My Neighbor Totoro, Princess Mononoke, Spirited Away, Howl’s Moving Castle, Ponyo and The Wind Rises. Finally we’re getting our hands on those soundtracks!

Udine is a charming city in northeastern Italy which dates back to the medieval ages—festival banquets are held in the ancient castle. The food is fantastic. And the Friulian wines! If you need to decompress after watcing ten movies straight, walk around the city or hop a train to Trieste or Venice, just an hour away.

Noel is having a Danny Zialcita retrospective. The video copies are of poor quality, but the dialogue is crisp enough to make one endure the faded or browning visuals. If you like quotable movies, the Zialcita oeuvre provides enough zingers to keep you reciting for days. His movies are really screwball comedies disguised as melodramas.

Scenes from Mahinhin Vs Mahinhin starring Dindo Fernando and Ronaldo Valdez as two gay men who realize that they’ve been keeping the same man, played by Edu Manzano.

At the restaurant where Dindo and Ronaldo face off for the first time upon learning of their sharing arrangement.

Dindo: (to waiter) Bigyan mo ako ng inumin ng tunay na lalake.

Ronaldo: Waiter, cancel that order. Baka magasgas ang lalamunan ng aking bisita. Make that a margarita instead.

Dindo: (to waiter) Bigyan mo tuloy ako ng bibingka—yung maraming itlog na maalat, ha?

Ronaldo: Waiter, ‘yung itlog, by all means ibigay sa kanya. Pero yung bibingka! Jusko! Hindi sanay ang tiyan! Baka magkalat yan dito! Give him a hotdog instead. Yung jumbo ha? (waving off waiter) O sige na, evaporate! I want to have a full view of Miss Billy de Gracia.

After the confrontation, Ronaldo instructs his lawyer.
Ronaldo: I want this Billy de Gracia exterminated, eradicated, mutilated, erased!

Next confrontation:
Ronaldo: Sukdulang isasangla ko ang kaluluwa ko sa impiyerno!
Dindo: Bakit?
Ronaldo: Nandoon ang Misis mo, di ba? Pwes, kakausapin ko si Mephistopheles!
Dindo: Sino naman yon?
Ronaldo: Ang demonyo! Ignoranta! Pababalikin ko ang Misis mo!

That’s it, we’re going to start saying “Ignoranta!”

Mat wants to give you these books.

When Anne Baxter cries, “Moses, Moses, Moses, you stubborn, adorable fool!” have an extra shot.

Plague 6: Boils
Cocktail: Bumpy Eruption

The go-to drink for when the afikomen* surprise at your sister’s seder** turns out to be the recently-divorced sweetheart you broke up with badly in high school and haven’t seen since. Swell for slow grudge-nursing throughout the evening, but for a truly memorable Passover meal you may want to down three in quick succession just before the partaking of the bitter herbs, all the better to bring to an explosive head every pustule of sibling rivalry, personal betrayal and unfulfilled promise that’s tormented your soul since the day you entered this vale of tears.

Especially satisfying with a big steaming pile of tsimmes* * * .

Ingredients:
2 oz Cognac
1/2 oz Crème de Cassis
1 oz tequila
1/2 oz Cointreau

Instructions: Shake all ingredients in ice. Strain into martini glass. Garnish won’t help.

10 Plague Cocktails. Thanks to Noel for the link.

* dessert
* * Passover family ritual
* * * sweet stew