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The other day I had lunch with my old friends Michel and Bernard-Henri (not French, just snobs). We were discussing Amigo, the movie set in the Philippine-American War, written, edited, produced and directed by John Sayles. I saw an early cut months ago and the finished version last week.

– After seeing it again I have the overwhelming urge to watch THE movie of the Philippine-American War, Virgin Forest.

– Why thank you.

– Yeah it needs editing but it’s brilliant.

– Virgin Forest embodies a basic truth of the cinema: No historical-political discussion is so profound that it can’t be enhanced by a threesome in the woods.

– Mother Lily made us put that in.

– Haha, I bet Peque pitched it to Regal as a sex epic with virgins being raped in a forest.

– After we screened it for Mother Lily she turned to me and said, “Ako ba talaga ang nag-produce ng pelikulang yan?” (Did I really produce that movie?) I decided to take it as a compliment.

– Amigo has no threesome in the woods.

– What it’s missing is a mad war correspondent character a la Dennis Hopper in Apocalypse Now who speaks lines from Mark Twain’s anti-imperialist rants.

– I’m reading Mark Twain’s autobiography. He left instructions that it be published 100 years after his death, so it just came out.

– Write your autobiography, and I’ll publish it 100 years after your death.

– Have you seen the Blu-ray edition of Easy Rider? It’s beautiful. They transferred it to digital, cleaned it up, color-graded it. I remember that the original movie was grainy; this transfer is clear and beautiful.

– Who directed Easy Rider, was it Peter Fonda?

– No! Dennis Hopper!

– Now that Dennis Hopper is gone, who will take over the wild man roles?

– Has to be someone who would get through that scene in Blue Velvet without laughing.

– I know, Crispin Glover.

Though from what I’ve heard, he wouldn’t have to act crazy.

– James Franco? He looks like James Dean and James Dean was Dennis Hopper’s friend.

– Matt Dillon. Someone needs to take him aside and say, “Matt, it’s time for the next phase in your career. The matinee idol thing was great, but let’s move on.”

– I thought his performance in There’s Something About Mary signalled a shift in his career direction.

– I know who can take over the Dennis Hopper roles! Dennis Hopper was genius but there is another!

Spader!

* * * * *

At dinner I put the question to Ernie and Bert.

– Here’s a feasible candidate: the current Mel Gibson. The eyes of a wild man.

For context, here is the old Mel Gibson, the beautiful one.

– I know who can do the Dennis Hopper roles. There can be only one.

Shokota Fanning. Previously known as “Dame Judi Dench, watch out!” We are huge fans.