How to survive V-Day (updated)
1. Watch Jason Statham in The Mechanic.
“They don’t even have to think of titles for his movies,” Ernie marvels. “They could just call them Jason Statham 1, Jason Statham 2, and so on.”
“Or Jason Statham Kills People 1, 2, 3. . .” There was a recent article, 16 Worst Ways To Be Killed By Jason Statham? Number 17 is, he beats the crap out of a guy, then rips the handle off a seat in a bus, pushes the two ends towards the guy’s eyes, then changes his mind and throws the guy through the window onto the street, where he gets run over by a car.
“It’s an educational movie!” we tell Kermit at dinner. “We learned that if you shoot someone with enough adrenaline to kill him it will look like a natural death but if the adrenaline isn’t enough to kill him, when the medics arrive they’ll shoot him with epinephrine which in combination with adrenaline will kill him. But if he’s a ketamine addict the ketamine will counter the adrenaline.”
“Isn’t it a stretch to cast Jason Statham as a guy who would know that?” says Kermit who kills joy with logic.
“If Jason Statham says it we believe him automatically!!”
We also like Ben Foster, who plays his protege.
2. Listen to Rickie Lee Jones singing A Lucky Guy.
Again. And again. Until you don’t have to play the song to hear it in your head. Best case of last song syndrome ever.
Photo by Jenny Lens.
My two favorite singers were a couple between 1977 and 1980. ‘I love her madly in my own way – you’ll gather that our relationship wasn’t exactly like Mike Todd and Elizabeth Taylor – but she scares me to death.’ – Tom Waits, 1979.
3. Visit the Gazette 365 blog. Because looking at a hot guy doing silly things always cheers us up.
Don’t disappoint Gaz.
You have to be invited, so drop us a line in Comments and we’ll email the invitation to your registered email address.
4. Look at this All Blacks video.
Practise, practise, practise.
Rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.
Answers to questions you might be asking, unless you wandered onto this site purely by accident >>>
February 14th, 2011 at 02:55
I want to read it. Please send me an invite.
February 14th, 2011 at 02:55
I mean the Gazette 365 blog
February 14th, 2011 at 04:40
Oh, quite. Jason Statham generally scowls at things, kills things, and as a bonus he sometimes takes one or more articles of clothing off. As a result the latest Jason Statham Is Gonna Kill You Possibly With A Vehicle was quite satisfying.
February 14th, 2011 at 06:04
me too. i’d love to be invited to the Gazette 365 blog.
February 14th, 2011 at 10:25
me too!
February 14th, 2011 at 10:35
I need #3 to survive Valentine’s! I would like an invite please. Thanks! klipayon@gmail.com
February 14th, 2011 at 10:52
I want to experience Gaz! Please send me the invite… Thanks!
February 14th, 2011 at 12:36
Please send me an invite. thanks!
February 14th, 2011 at 12:36
Rickie Lee Jones is amazing. You’re right — the song is a great LSS.
February 14th, 2011 at 13:15
Totally digging Rickie Lee Jones :) thanks!
Valentine’s day game plan : Go to work really early, buy crazy amounts of chocolates and watch Modern Family from my HD in between :)
February 14th, 2011 at 14:09
Please send me an invite. Thanks!
February 14th, 2011 at 17:08
I would like an invite, please. Thank you!
February 14th, 2011 at 18:46
sign me up please, thanks!
February 14th, 2011 at 21:29
All Blacks! Possibly my second-favorite rugby team, after the Philippine Volcanoes. (Not that I, uh, know anything about rugby. But I like men in shorts! And Gaz!)
No mention of the All Blacks is complete without the haka, or Polynesian war chant. For your perusal, here’s the original Ka Mate: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ClQymYiHk9s
And the current haka, Kapa O Pango, written specifically for the All Blacks: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_tXvQ1aHeNk
I could go on and on, but my geekery in Polynesian culture could take up a whole page’s worth of space. Until then, Happy 2/14/2010!
February 14th, 2011 at 22:04
@stellahua — Interesting bit about the haka. I hope we can see a victory dance/chant from the Philippine Volcanoes after winning the test matches against HK. That would be fantastic!
February 14th, 2011 at 23:01
@brewhuh: Oh, yes, YES! And the great thing is, the chants are actually performed BEFORE the game! Many Polynesian rugby players – and, later, American football players of Polynesian descent – swear that chanting not only gets everyone psyched, but also helps them with their circulation and breathing, which translates to better endurance on the field.
Here’s another great example of the pre-game chant, where the Tongan national team takes out their own traditional chant (Sipi Tau) against the All Blacks: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VW9nLK5PHqg
Wonder what a Volcanoes war chant would look like? (And would we even use Tagalog for that one?)
February 14th, 2011 at 23:57
@stellahua — Wow really? That’s amazing! iWant!!!
If it’s gonna be in Tagalog, it has to be full of spunk and explosive and grrr hahaha, the kind that would really scare the other team off :D
February 15th, 2011 at 00:03
Good luck with that. This team is too pretty.
February 15th, 2011 at 00:26
#18 jessica — Ooopps totally forgot about that
February 15th, 2011 at 07:53
…I was actually just about to launch into a thesis-length counter-argument on why a war chant for the Philippine Volcanoes may never work (i.e. the Polynesian cultural insistence on protecting everything that “belongs to the land” and all that) but Jessica beat me to it! The gorgeousness of our boys *is* our currency on the field… and until we can score a part-Maori/ Tongan/ Fijian for our rugby team, no chant is necessary. :)
Which reminds me: Jessica, I might be visiting Auckland after Holy Week this year. Any rugby-related stuff you might want me to check out while I’m there?
February 15th, 2011 at 08:54
Where have you guys been hiding? I’m an All Blacks fan too! Love their Hakas but we could not do them with the team. They actually find it offensive when other teams try to counter their hakas before matches. It’s like a mockery of their tradition.
February 15th, 2011 at 13:58
@miss_o: I used to live in Honolulu when the University of Hawaii Warriors football team – as in fully-padded American football – got into tons of hot water from the New Zealand contingent for performing the Haka at their games. The main contention from both Maoris and Kiwis was that the Haka was taught to the team by non-NZers and being performed by (mostly) Native Hawaiians, Samoans, and Tongans who should have known well enough to leave the Haka alone. Eventually, the UH Warriors composed an original Hawaiian-language war chant for their games… and even then, they had to edit their movements because their American counterparts still perceive the whole thing as a violent threat, which is verboten for both college and professional games.
That said, it hasn’t stopped THESE cuties from performing “Ka Mate”:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8bIWLA_ESMo
February 15th, 2011 at 19:56
stellalehua: Could you find out if there are any Fil-Kiwi rugby players? I’m guessing the Fil-Kiwi kids are still kids.
Under IRB rules, players who have 3 years’ residency can also play for their adopted countries. Malaysia has some Fijian players. The Philippines, newly-promoted to Division 1, goes up against Malaysia, Korea and Singapore in the A5N tournament in Seoul in June.
February 15th, 2011 at 20:07
stellalehua: I watched a Maori group demonstrate the haka at a cultural show in Rotorua NZ. Afterwards they taught it to audience members. It looked fearsome when performed by Maoris, but when geeky Asians tried it it just looked funny. Japanese rugby fans have haka contests. Watch these kids.
P.S. The guys in New Zealand are cute.
February 15th, 2011 at 21:10
Jessica, I am SO going to bring my camera with me to NZ! And I’m not just talking about the insane scenery, hehe. (Hello, Lemon Tart Guy! And wasn’t the “Let Me Try This Shirt On For You” salesperson also in Auckland?)
From what I can gather so far online, the KiwiPino community (their words) is still relatively small; current statistics estimate that there are only 17,000 or so Filipinos in the whole country, centered mostly around Auckland and Wellington. Not a lot of information about biracial kids, either, so your hunch may be correct about KiwiPinos being too young for rugby. It’s still worth investigating, though.
Awww, those Japanese kids performing “Ka Mate” were quite fierce! And very respectful, as well, since they were performing to a packed crowd at an All Blacks game vs. Japan. Awesome.
February 15th, 2011 at 23:01
I’d like an invite to the gaz365 blog please. thank you.
February 16th, 2011 at 21:14
I’d love an invite to the Gazette 365 blog! As you can tell from my sn, I NEED MAN CANDY ;)
February 18th, 2011 at 13:26
My God, I can’t believe I am requesting for #3. This is already a post Valentine’s request. But please, I would like to see something meaningful. So let me in the blogsite. Heartfelt thanks!