Auntie Janey’s Old Fashioned Agony Column #13: Distasteful things
Photo: Susan Sarandon as the Princess Wensicia Corrino in the TV series Children of Dune
Dear Aunt Janey,
I tried looking for your e-mail but the Internet wouldn’t cough it up.
The thing is, I have no intention of having children. I also find coitus distasteful so I have to pass on the whole marriage thing. However, my grandmother is staying with us during the holidays and it made me think. Should I reevaluate my whole distaste for romantic relationships? I have friends now but during bursts of loneliness when I turn to them for emotional satisfaction, they’re all busy with their lives. I invest so much into our relationships, reaching out and cultivating an interest in their interests so we can be closer. In the end though I get not a whit of a response to my long-winded emails and carefully thought-out funny texts.
Suffice it to say I can handle being on my own but I just need to make an informed decision about this. In the future if I’m hunchbacked, have trouble walking (like my grandma) because of arthritis and have faulty hearing, would I look back to my young self and regret not trying for a family? I’m comfortable on my own but is that a good thing or a bad thing?
Thank you in advance.
Gratefully,
Single-serve rice cooker
Dear Single-serve rice cooker,
You are asking me to look into your future. Unfortunately my prescience is solely dedicated to seeing ways through which I could accumulate massive wealth and be crowned sovereign of a nation.
We cannot really say that the choices we make now will ensure our happiness in the future. Everything is half-chance. I channel Susan Sarandon, with antenna-like ornaments in her hair, in the TV adaptation of Children of Dune: “Recognizing the inherent instability of the universe and making it our own creation – that is the Bene Gesserit way”. We make our choices and we must learn to navigate among their consequences.
The best we can hope for is that we live without regrets. Regret is usually the result of an ill-made choice. As much as possible, choose wisely and deliberately and be prepared for the consequences. There is less chance for disillusionment when we enter into something with open eyes.
Edith Piaf, as portrayed by Marion Cotillard in La Vie en Rose, lived her dream as a singer. She sang, loved, feasted, drank and took risks in her personal life as well as in her career. She pushed herself too far, lost her voice and her health quickly degenerated. She was still in her mid-forties when she died. On her deathbed, she said: “Non, je ne regrette rien.” I stood in the theater throughout this movie, which was screened during the Cine Europa film festival. Did I regret it? No. Why should I complain? Admission was free.
As we have been told by various songs, books, TV series and movies, we should live in the present. But we should also anticipate the future. Be ready for surprises for some of them will change you and the way you live. The things you thought were right will be proven wrong and the things that you thought were wrong have actually been right all along. You should also be careful for you will surprise yourself to your great agitation or delight.
As to distasteful matters, there are things which by nature are icky and downright harmful. Everything else is acquired taste. Pleasure is relative and it comes in different shapes, sizes, color, scents and tastes. The best way to know what would stimulate and titillate us the most is by letting our senses have free reign. Let that mouth and tongue go rogue. Allow your skin to feel different textures. See some things that a woman, or man, ain’t supposed to see. You will discover that there are things that would make you go “OH!” the first time and “Ohhhh…” the second, the third, the fourth time ad infinitum.
Aunt Jane
Has the question been answered? Can you offer the letter-writer an alternative option? Off-hand we would say that there are things that may gross you out that are actually fun. Zombie movies, for instance.
Anyone?
Answers to questions you might be asking, unless you wandered onto this site purely by accident >>>
April 28th, 2011 at 23:18
Aha! Audience participation!
Alternatives are:
a) Artificial insemination or in vitro fertilization – no coitus(very technical. “The Daughter of Isis wishes to have coitus with you Roman”);
b) If the letter-writer decides that s/he wants to be alone after all, s/he can give the child away. It’s been done by an American woman. She realized she liked her career more and put her kid up for adoption then went to Japan to pursue teaching;
c) If the letter-writer does not want offspring, s/he should start saving up for a good nursing home and a decent staff to assist her through old age;
d) The letter-writer should put a provision in his/her will to whom his/her money should go just in case s/he will not reach old age. This will prevent his/her relatives from killing one another, unless that is his/her intention.
e) As a back-up plan, s/he should start spoiling his/her nephews and nieces or next of kin so that they would take care of him/her when s/he reaches old age.
April 29th, 2011 at 10:01
“The best we can hope for is that we live without regrets. Regret is usually the result of an ill-made choice. As much as possible, choose wisely and deliberately and be prepared for the consequences. There is less chance for disillusionment when we enter into something with open eyes.”
– galeng! i think this paragraph alone answers Rice Cooker’s second to last question.
as for whether it’s a good thing or a bad thing for being comfortable on your own, there’s only what’s good for you because of YOUR reasons, circumstances and preference, not someone else’s. however, i am writing as someone who now lives – and prefers to live – in very individualistic north america. it would be harder and less celebrated to be going at it on your own in the philippines.
what this post won’t show is how long i’ve stared at this screen thinking of what to include in my comment; to share with you the thought process that i’ve gone through without revealing too much personal information. all i can say is, you’re not alone and that you’ll just have to build up a support system such as:
1. eat healthy so you can live longer
2. exercise so you can live longer
3. do not engage in risky activities (such as driving recklessly, engaging in criminal activities thereby becoming a gunman’s target, etc.) so you can live longer
4. surround yourself and make friends with like minded people or just wait for your married-friends-with-kids to have their own kids grow up and move out (esp. if you’re in north america, not so much if you’re in pinas. haha. i am not being mean)
5. earn enough so you have enough when you retire to engage in physical and mental activities that you enjoy.
6. appoint someone as your power-of-attorney, you never know. an executor of your will, for when you die.
but if you think that it’s not worth living until you’re old, be bold and reckless and live your life with passion. who cares if you die young?
as Auntie Janey said “choose wisely and deliberately and be prepared for the consequences”