JessicaRulestheUniverse.com

6 Responses to “ The Weekly LitWit Challenge 6.9: Wikileaky! ”

1. # 1 ros Says:
   September 5th, 2011 at 17:20

   Read the whole cable here:

   http://www.cablegatesearch.net/cable.php?id=10MANILA135&q=manila

   It would be nice to read the entries on the same font “Consolas”. :)

   *Testing “font face” tags:

   Senator Aquino joked several times about his very assertive sister, TV personality Kris Aquino, noting how she had chosen his new glasses for him

2. # 2 ros Says:
   September 5th, 2011 at 17:23

   Aww it didn’t worked. :(

3. # 3 Franzi Says:
   September 6th, 2011 at 18:19

   The State Department, United States of America
   Capitol Hills, Washington D.C.

   Classified

   The following are honest and concise assessment of prominent Filipinos from the year 2000 up to present.

   1. Former president Gloria Macapagal Arroyo. (2001-2004) (2004?-2010?)
   Ailing;in and out of hospital. Currently member of the Philippine legislature,on medical leave; facing allegations of corruption,bribery,and election fraud (as if we don’t know anything about that). Underwent sensitive surgery to correct her brittle neck bones;Doctors are still working round the clock to correct this condition. Ordinary Filipinos,however think the ailment is a manifestation of “acute epidermal syndrome”–what they call in their Tagalog language as “sobrang kapal ng mukha”. They say her overly thick facial mass has caused tremendous weight on her neck,causing its premature collapse. This makes medical sense,since an unusually heavy head will eventually cause damage on any connecting bones to the torso. It is curious why her husband,Mike Arroyo (the big guy) doesn’t suffer from the same problem. The same Mr. Arroyo is the guy who imported a used fleet of those disposable “Robinsons” beginner’s helicopters (which is widely used here in the US as a kid’s learner helicopter and for agricultural purposes–I can’t believe they actually use those for police work in Manila–do they really think human life is so cheap?)Anyway,Mr. Arroyo passed those choppers off as “brand new”. As always,his younger brother, Congressman Miguel Arroyo claimed that the choppers were his. He could also claim that he was the one who shot JFK,should his brother order so.

   2. Former Pres. Joseph Estrada (1998-2001) Like a dormant volcano,he is quiet for now. Now in his 70’s he could still bring down large prey (women). He could suddenly announce his candidacy for the presidency before he is 90; convicted of plunder;accepted Pres. Arroyo’s pardon in 2005 (?),then set free( it is to be noted that he too suffered from a bone ailment,involving his knees–what is it with plunder cases and bone disease?) He praised Mrs. Arroyo to the highest heavens after this gesture,but then turned against her full force as he campaigned in 2010.

   3. Senator Jinggoy Estrada,son of Mr. Joseph Estrada–believe it or not,he was once a movie star, in spite of his horrible menacing looks. Now chair of the Blue Ribbon Committee and actively pursuing the plunder cases against Mrs. Arroyo, he brushes off remarks that his father himself was convicted of plunder not many years ago, and accepted pardon (and therefore,guilt). “Do you really need to keep telling me that?!” was his cinematic reply to some wise guy on the senate floor.

   3. Pres. Benigno Aquino III–not fortunate enough to inherit his hero-father’s good looks,healthy hair and fiery oratorical skills;currently involved in nation building,focusing on weeding out corrupt officials. Critics think he is a bit slow of thought and even slower of action. The man is barely two years in office. We need more time to assess his intentions. So far his love life remains hanging. Some suspect he doesn’t really want to get hitched. He could be wise in that sense,considering the turmoil in his country.

4. # 4 kratienza Says:
   September 8th, 2011 at 14:54

   CLASSIFIED AND CONFIDENTIAL

   (page 4 of 10)

   With regards to the query, from my last dispatch, about any progress made on the women’s rights / reproductive health / general sensibility front, I am bemused to report that the issue remains deadlocked. The joke uttered to me by my superiors as I was handed the assignment to the Philippines, “Prepare for new levels of absurdity,” rings ever so true and has taken on a life of its own.

   Consider: the Reproductive Health Bill is now being debated on Senate, and its most vocal opponent is the mustachioed Sen. Tito Sotto, once part of a novelty comedy trio whose claim to fame is mildly risque songs popular in the 70s such as “Longganizang Maong, Dagang Denim” (Sausage Jeans and Rat Denim…I suppose you have to be here to appreciate the worldplay) and an interminable noontime show where jokes targetting fat people and the old and infirm are still standard. (Lest you imagine the honorable senator distancing himself from his vaudevillian beginnings, he actually co-hosts the show every weekend). Most recently, when confronted with the statistic that 11 Filipino women die each day of pregnancy related complications, the incredulous senator laughed and asked for their names. I must say I would have suspected the senator of a severe lack of compassion had I not recalled that these senate debates are actually televised, so I must surmise that he had a good reason for doubting these United Nations-supplied statistics. Perhaps the senator has his own unassailabe source on the matter of overpopulation, because if one were to use one’s common sense (and kept one’s eyes open as one drove through, say, EDSA, and notice the clusters of beggars carrying drugged sleeping children knocking on car doors) one would conclude that perhaps the Philippines has indeed much too many people than it can provide for. But again, perhaps the senator is in possession of dossiers proving that these legions of poor are in fact quite happy and rich and are only pretending to do so to keep up the appearance of a poverty rich nation for…fun? (You may note a trace of sarcasm there, and I would like to reiterate that this is intentional).

   On the other side of the matter are two vocal female senators, one of whom is Miriam Santiago, whom I follow on Twitter. She is still delightfully sharp and sensible with tweets such as, “Knowledge should not be resisted #RH Bill.” Lately however the senator has begun to fixate once again on the cheating she allegedly endured in the 1992 Presidential Elections and is calling for an investigation. One cannot say she has a short memory.

   Meanwhile, as these debates rage on and the bill remains stymied and conservatives plaster misleading posters of how the bill promotes abortion (even though it most emphatically does not), which then causes large segments of the public to believe the propaganda (because the louder the “chismis” or hearsay, the more believable it is — rather than, say, reading the bill themselves), the President has kept mum on the matter. He instead would rather entertain speculation on his love life (or lack thereof), because surely keeping the country’s legion of matchmakers on their toes is so much more important than the bill.

   So, yes, to reiterate from my last dispatch: in the year 2011, the Philippines remains firmly in the (early) last century; the only remaining country in the world without divorce (and proud of it!) and where women with no education or wealth are still expected to fulfill the verse “Go forth and multiply,” because we all know the country has a shortage of warm bodies.

   On the next pages I shall provide an update on the country’s former president Gloria Macapagal Arroyo, who through the miracle of science was able to transform a routine stiff neck into a life threatening physiological disorder…

5. # 5 jay-p Says:
   September 9th, 2011 at 00:11

   A confidential email by a secret society of politicians called CRAP (Certified Revolutionary Active Pilipinos), who use aliases for correspondence.

   Subject: RE: FOR YOUR EYES ONLY
   Sent: Thursday, September 01, 2011 7:06 PM
   From: Jose Marie Manggatso
   To: [ilovebeki@dacrap.org]

   Thanks, Mr. D for the very thorough report that you sent. Here are my comments:

   Mdm. G is a shrewd one, one we won’t be able to dispose of any time soon. She is brilliant at maneuvering her way out of any pickle, and the ploys of our lesser comrades would yield nothing. For now, we should observe. I do not agree with the ROFL recommendation to do a dispatch. Not yet. We’ll be in hot water if we do.

   Regarding Pen Falcon, be aware that in the political arena, in current times, “everyone” is guilty of having no loyalties. We all have motives of our own. Even in our own organization, there are people we cannot trust. I can easily be a candidate of that.

   What makes him dangerous is how destructive (and vindictive) he is. He is the one we should be more careful of. He should be dispatched cleanly until such time we are prepared and of no use to us.

   By the way, I was wondering why he’s not in Part IV (Secret and Indecent Behavior Unfitting Public Servants that We only Know) for being a cross-dresser. I was just wondering.

   The report was more entertaining than it was informative. I always knew that the majority, if not all, of the people in the government are lunatics. Aren’t we all? But cases of deviant sexual behavior is tabloid entertainment that we enjoy and makes me smile while shaking hands with them.

   This makes Dr. Christina Home, a great asset for the organization. With her elite clientèle, I am sure she knows a lot of perverts we can “blackmail,” out of lack for better words.

   The report on the stupidity of the president is a subject that would require more volumes in addition to the ones made before. He is a nuisance, not for what he does but for being where he sits. We placed him there for obvious reasons, but he exceeded our expectations, in a bad way. We’ll fix that, we just need to raise funds to pay the media. This kind of bureaucracy prevalent in our society is ridiculous. So that’s why we want to make the bigger decisions. Our people will never be ready for a democracy.

   And by the way, stop calling me Mr. Prime Minister (even as a joke). I may be too old for that. Maybe it’s me who should call you that. I can see a bright future for you, of course, with a little help from your good friends.

   Your GOOD friend (and remember that),
   Joe

   — On Wed, 9/1/11, Hayden Coke wrote:

   > From:
   > Subject: FOR YOUR EYES ONLY
   > To:
   > cc:
   > Date: Thursday, 1 September, 2011, 7:56 PM
   >
   >Hello.
   >Attached is the report, as prepared by ROFL. It will be distributed to the Board after two
   >days, and all members by end of the week.
   >
   >It covers:
   >
   >1. The current activities and behavior of Mdm G and the President
   >2. Mental state of key members of congress and the senate
   >3. SWOT analysis of the proposed “LOL Plan,” prepared by the Research committee
   >4. The employment of Dr. Cristina Home
   >
   >The other document is also some findings we have of Pen Falcon, whose loyalties seem to be
   >questionable.
   >
   >Please feel free to comment, Mr. Prime Minister, your foresight and suggestions are always
   >taken seriously.
   >
   >Your apprentice and ally,
   >H
   >

6. # 6 Franzi Says:
   September 10th, 2011 at 14:30

   continuation….
   4. Vice President Jejomar “Jojo” Binay—served as mayor of Makati,the Philippines’ version of Wall Street. In his campaign,Mr. Binay emphasized that under his term,he provided free schools,medical and hospitalization for all Makati residents. He trumpeted this as his crowning achievement,and for the uninitiated,he may seem like a miracle worker. He didn’t mention that Makati is the richest city in the nation even before he was born–not because of him,but because of its location. Being so, it has the highest income, and therefore it is only expected for ANY incumbent official to RETURN the income to the citizens in terms of public service. Mr. Binay believes he should be thanked,nay,revered to the highest heavens for doing what is expected of him. Sadly,right in Makati itself are squatter colonies growing like mushrooms,marring the city’s landscape. CEOs and tycoons being driven in their Maybachs, or being flown over by Eurocopters must close their eyes as they pass the filth and squalor. Now Mr. Binay’s own son is the mayor. The shanties keep multiplying like a malignant tumor. In the Philippines,the form of government is allegedly “democratic”. I have a strong case in arguing that it is actually “monarchy”–power can be passed from father to son,or their pet dog–legitimized by purchased vote and patronage–and validated by election bloodshed–what we used to call in the Middle Ages as “feudalism”. Keep the chieftains well funded,the constituents (peasants)well fed and everything works fine for them.

   5. Senator Panfilo “Ping” Lacson–former chief of the Philippine police force;spent more than a year in hiding from the law, for allegedly masterminding the murder of a PR man and his driver. Denies he was hiding,he just didn’t want to be found–apparently there is a difference.
   There are perceptions that he is an “untouchable” under Pres. Aquino’s administration.

   6. Senate Pres. Juan Ponce Enrile–the grand old man of the Senate. He exudes savvy,charisma and respect,in spite of his close links to the unlamented Marcos administration. “Player” is a word that best describes him. He’s been playing his cards well,and he’s been thrown all the best cards. Some people are smarter (or luckier) than others.

   7. Former Sen. Juan Miguel Zubiri–dramatically resigned from the senate recently. A wise move,but hardly honorable. He simply avoided being removed by the senate electoral tribunal itself,after a recent expose by a reliable witness,who said Zubiri may have unwittingly benefited from fraudulent votes in the Southern Philippines in 2004,a handiwork of the Arroyo administration.