Body Snatchers
Well that was a dud. That was the dullest men’s grand slam final I’ve seen since that one where Guillermo Coria had cramps and Gaston Gaudio crawled unnoticed to victory. But that one was unmemorable. This one is memorable for Roger Federer’s starring role in Invasion of the Body Snatchers. He just didn’t seem to be occupying his own body. He was sluggish, committed way too many errors, and couldn’t string two good points together. A brilliant shot would be immediately negated by an unforced error. Worst of all, he just didn’t seem to be interested. It’s like his strategy was to bore Rafael Nadal to death, and it didn’t work. Losing is bad, but understandable. Blah-ness just blows.
Nadal didn’t exactly play brilliantly either, but he played less badly than Federer. No fond nicknames for you two today. You, Quentin, figure out what Wedgie Boy has on you. And you, Lou Diamond, try to win a major that’s not on dirt. Everyone else: that’s all you are, everyone else. You’re so completely dominated by the top two, you might as well not exist.
Put it this way: when the match started we were all drinking beers; after two sets we switched to coffee, it was that exciting. Plus my neck hurts because I’m used to looking down at the TV and in that bar I had to look up.
As long as my neck hurts: You. Marat Safin. You get away with playing like crap because you’re handsome and funny and everyone’s falling all over themselves to make excuses for you. Oh look, he’s so tortured, he’s like a character out of Dostoevski. Well screw that. You’re this close to being a joke and you know it. What the hell is your problem? The fact that everyone expects great things from you because you have the gift? Oh poor you, you’re so talented, how dare they burden you with expectations. Why can’t they leave you alone? Because you’re Marat Safin! You should be knocking Federer’s and Nadal’s heads together! How dare you lose to. . .to homunculi! Pull yourself together or get out!
Who else is there? It’s free awful truth day!
Answers to questions you might be asking, unless you wandered onto this site purely by accident >>>
June 11th, 2007 at 18:32
Awful truth day, eh?
You! Women tennis players. What makes you think you deserve equal prize money with the men in major tournaments? The men play better, their matches are watched by more people, and they make more money for the tournament organizers and sponsors. They deserve to be paid more. If you start drawing more fans who watch you for your tennis, then and only then would you deserve equal prize money. Enough of this PC crap!
And you! Tournament organizers. You gave in to their PC appeal? Wimps!
June 13th, 2007 at 11:49
oh haha i call nadal wedgie boy too. who’s lou diamond??
June 13th, 2007 at 11:51
hey i read that safin might be retiring early. he’s clearly not satisfied with losing early in tournaments.
June 13th, 2007 at 12:56
Hi Jessica! It’s great to read that you’re a big, big tennis fan. I’m writing from Cebu and have covered tennis for many years. I’ve really enjoyed your Safin and Roger and Wedgie Boy write-ups. If you have time, pls visit my blog. Thanks and hope to read more tennis from you!
June 14th, 2007 at 04:44
Rafa’s been scary good in Paris, AND in his first match (after three days of two-week action) at Queens this morning (like it’s still on clay). He’s a machine! Especially now that he’s jumped on the “aggressive” bandwagon.. Roger must be afraid. Be very afraid.