LitWit, Special Apocalypse Edition: Rescue Mission!!! The screenwriting challenge
The challenge: Write me a short script for Mission: Rescue Christine Reyes! Starring Christine Reyes, Richard Gutierrez, and manymany unwilling extras.
The deadline: In 24 hours! (That’s Friday, 2 October 2009, 1500hrs.) Obviously not enough time for a full screenplay, so a short treatment describing key scenes will do.
The prize:
Two winners receive The Monster of Florence by Douglas Preston with Mario Spezi, the true story of the hunt for a serial killer.
Get to work! The prizes for the LitWit Challenge are brought to you by the wonderful people of National Bookstore. They have nothing to do with the rules of the game, which are my responsibility entirely.
This might help: Slate’s Interactive Dan Brown Plot Generator. Pick a city and a sect, voila! Sects and the City.
Update, 2 October, 1619 hrs. The Rescue Mission screenwriting challenge is now closed. Four contestants managed to meet the deadline (The last was 9 minutes late, but that’s okay because I said 24 hours and the post appeared at 1524). Only they are eligible for the prizes.
However, since this is an emergency, readers who submit entries in the next 24 hours become eligible for a consolation prize (to be announced). Screenwriters, to your boats!
* * * * *
Aimee Moonlight, your prize for the first LitWit challenge was returned by the courier, apparently they couldn’t locate your address. I hope it is not underwater. You can claim your copy of Sense and Sensibility any day after Monday at Wild Ginger in the basement of Power Plant Mall, Rockwell, Makati. They’re open from 11 am to 8 pm. Your prize is still in its Air 21 package in case you want to take it up with the courier.
Answers to questions you might be asking, unless you wandered onto this site purely by accident >>>
October 2nd, 2009 at 03:50
On the day of the Apocalypse itself, Annabelle Rama kept on nagging Richard to get hooked up with a “ma-datung†woman. “Why don’t you just be like your sister Ruffa? All you need to do is get married, produce a spawn and file for divorce; then voila, you leave with half,†yapped the mother in her thick Bisaya accent. Richard was getting frustrated as Annabelle won’t even give him a chance to speak like the opposition getting zero airtime on NBN-4. Richard then decided to go out to get some air; and air was abundant outside as Ondoy was gusting wind speeds of 85 to 100 kph.
Richard then received a text message coming from Christine asking for help because she was stranded on the rooftop of her Makati home. On a sidenote, presidential aspirant Jejomar Binay suspended his battlecry of “Ganito kami sa Makati, sana ganito din sa buong Pilipinas,†effective until flood level in Makati goes down. The thought of seeing Christine wearing beach attire even if not on a beach was motivation enough for Richard to face danger and rescue her.
Richard hurriedly raided twin brother Raymond’s closet for some clothes. “I need them back, even just for the day; it won’t fit you naman e,†pleaded our hero as he took some previously-owned clothes.
“Captain Barbell!†shouted Richard as he emerged from the dresser wearing his tight silly Captain Barbell costume equipped with red cape, faux abs and all. Our hero, always shunning publicity because of a previous bad judgement by doing a cameo in Hayden Kho’s scandalous video collection, decided to put on his Zorro mask and hat as well. Not willing to risk Christine being rescued by a rival admirer, Richard wasted no time and went on with his treacherous ride via jetski.
There were reports that a few crocodiles have escaped their adopted habitat on a nearby zoo, making the rescue a lot more dangerous. As far as Richard is concerned, the only croc he saw was Patrolman Durugas from Pugad Baboy comics; the amphibious traffic aide suddenly appeared from nowhere. The SP01 cited several infractions to Richard: counter-flowing, beating the red light and riding without a license. Richard was even lucky that time as Apocalypse happened on a Saturday and MMDA’s vehicle number-coding scheme is not in effect. Unaware that such problem would face a komiks hero, Richard’s tights have no provision for a pocket; thus, he has no money to pay for kotong. No money, no problem, they are now accepting kotong through Paypal; it is safe because you don’t need to give away your identity, all you need is a working email address and a Paypal account.
It took a hard time for Richard to be able to pinpoint the exact location of Christine as all neighboring houses were flooded up to the roof; Christine not wearing beach attire was not helping either. After bypassing several helpless families, Richard finally saw Christine and she i\was in trouble; Robin Padilla had her hostage. In exchange for Christine, Robin demanded that he given another chance to co-star with Vina Morales again for the third instalment of the Utol Kong Hoodlum series. Not knowing what to do, Richard didn’t have power to overrule media executives unlike Willie Revillame, who can decide on what to show and not to show on TV. Richard then grabbed his weapon, the Zorro sword and poked Robin’s eye. Our hero swiftly snatched Christine from the villain and jumped into the jetski then sped off to the nearest Red Cross evacuation center, where another yapper awaits—quick-talking Dick Gordon.
October 2nd, 2009 at 14:16
Cast
Girl in wet sweatpants and wet t-shirt reminiscent of those Wednesday night girls at Fat Tuesdays (Cristine Reyes)
Girl’s faux love interest who’s willing to save ANYone, after being slapped in the face with a criminal court case (Richard Gutierrez)
Faux Love interest’s twin who gained all the fat he lost when he was straight (Raymond Gutierrez)
Faux Love interest’s verbally abusive mother (Anabelle Rama)
Mysterious crocodile swimming in the village (Ruffa)
Nagging mother Anabelle forces Richard to save someone, so that the public could sympathize with him as a hero. Nobody wants a hero to go to jail. He goes searching, with his twin Raymond, for a prospect.
Cut screen to Anabelle imitating a Celia Rodriguez evil laugh – with that thick Visayan accent.
The real reason Anabelle wants the twins out of the house is that it’s bed weather. And bed weather usually is an opportunity for kinky, dirty time for Anabelle and her husband Eddie.
Ruffa worries about the twins so she follows them to Marikina, where she gets eaten up by a an escapee croc. (The world will thank the croc later)
Richard and Raymond hears a cry for help. Yes, desperate people are calling for help, but the two heard someone distinct. Richard could only hear someone wearing a wet T-shirt, so he hears Cristine, but Raymond can only picture lifeguards (or in this scene, the shirtless male residents who made it to safety), wet, without T-shirts, so he decides to stay behind.
Richard manages to find Cristine (despite it being 1 in the morning, without light or any source of light) because she was meant to be found. There’s no real romantic sequence involved. The two don’t have real or fake chemistry and we can sense it. They have to ensure the rescue happens because it’s the only way to promote their movie, aside from the uber-short shorts that Cristine wears during the shoot.
As for Ruffa, forget about her. The crocodile didn’t really escape (as per the zookeeper), and Ruffa will never have herself in a muddy situation. Sticky, dirty (in the X-rated sense) perhaps, but not literal mud.
October 2nd, 2009 at 14:55
Richard (RG) is at home, in front of a mirror. The room is dark except for the bright lightbulbs around the mirror’s frame. Behind him, Anabelle Rama (AR) combs his hair.
RG: Tell me again, mother.
AR, proudly, while combing his hair: You are a prince. A hero. The most dashing, charming, handsome hunk of a man since –
*phone rings*
AR picks up the phone while RG admires his reflection.
AR, on the phone: What? Right now? What is she- Okay, nevermind. No, I’m not telling-
RG: What is it, mother?
AR: Ah, nothing, nothing. Just, uhm.. (in barely a whisper)cristine-reyes-is-trapped-on-her-rooftop-*cough*
RG: What!?
*Richard jumps from his chair, bolts out the door, AR running at his heels.*
AR: You mustn’t! There’s a storm outside!
RG, in full hero costume, hand on the doorknob: A storm? Outside? Since when?
AR: Since-
RG: Doesn’t matter. When my leading lady is in need, I shall rescue her!
AR: WAIT!
Richard leaves, leaving the door wide open. From the stormy night outside, we see AR at the foot of the door, reaching out for her son.
When outside his gate, under the rain, Richard hides behind a tree, looks around, raises his hand and shouts “Captain Barbell!”.
Nothing happens. He shouts again, nothing happens still.
RG: Crap.
He takes off his shirt, looks over his shoulders and strains. Nothing happens. He strains harder. Nothing still.
RG: Ah, dammit, no wings either. Fine.
Richard pulls a Zorro mask out of his pocket and puts it on, then goes to his friend’s house to borrow a speedboat.
Friend: What are you wearing?
RG: I’m Zorro, and I need to borrow a speedboat.
Friend: I heard about Cristine. You should leave that kind of stuff to the professionals. You could get hurt you know.
RG: I’m Asero. I don’t get hurt.
Friend: I thought you were Zorro.
RG: I’m Zorro too. I need to borrow a speedboat.
Friend: Whatever, man. It’s in the back.
Richard takes the speedboat to the first body of water he finds and starts it up. It sputters and its propellers grind hard conrete.
Friend: What the flying fudge are you doing starting my speedboat on the canal?!
RG: Doesn’t this lead to the Marikina flood or something?
Friend: Are you retarded?! You better pay for that!
RG: Fine, fine.
Richard puts the boat on top of his car, drives it to the actual flood, gets on board and starts the engine. They work, but barely.
There are some bystanders (BS), but it is dark, so they don’t recognize him. Plus he has a mask.
BS1: Hey, someone has a speedboat!
BS2: Save my family, please! They’re on their roofs!
BS3: Is that guy wearing a mask?
RG: I am Zorro! I will save those unable to save themselves! Point me the way to Providence Village!
BS4: Are you crazy?
BS1: Nevermind that, he has a speedboat!
BS2: It’s in that direction, just look for the multicolored lights. You can’t miss them even in this dark.
Richard sets off, letting the boat steer itself, standing at the very tip of the boat’s nose, arms crossed. Waves splash around him, winds tussle his hair.
RG: I sure hope they’ve got cameras around here. I’m looking pretty heroic if I do say so myself.
His boat swerves and sways out of control, but he maintains his balance. He passes roof after roof of stranded people calling for help, but he ignores them and keeps his pose.
RG, thinking: Get our your cellphone cameras, commoners. You don’t see this kind of thing every day!
Suddenly, a strong gust of wind blows his mask over his eyes and Richard loses his balance, falling backward onto the speedboats. His head hits the engine hard, causing both of them to conk out. Before passing out, Richard sees multicolored lights.
The screen is black, but we hear sounds. A motor, and some men talking.
Man1: Hey, what’s that over there?
Man2: Looks like a speedboat. What’s it doing all the way out here without moving?
The sound of someone boarding the boat.
Man3: Hey, there’s someone in here! Looks like an idiot with a Zorro mask.
Sounds of lifting, and of dropping of a body onto a raft. The motor sounds start again.
Man1: There, they say she lived in that direction. Let’s go, men!
We see a Navy rescue boat, with Richard lying unconscious surrounded by a few men. The boat reaches a rooftop with multicolored lights.
Man2: Ahoy there! Are you alright??
Cristine Reyes (CR) shouts back from a distance.
CR: We’re fine! Thank God you’re here! We’ve been stuck on this roof for fourteen hours! The rest of my family have been rescued already, I’m just waiting for my boyfriend to show up. They say he’s on his way.
Man2: I don’t know about your boyfriend ma’am, but we can’t leave you here like this. And the only people we found on our way here was this fool in a Zorro mask.
CR: Zorro mask?
Cristine looks in the boat.
CR: Richard? Richard!! You came to save me!!
Cristine jumps into the boat, embraces the unconscious Richard, and the all lived happily ever after.
Fade to black.
The End.
October 2nd, 2009 at 15:09
Cristine: Richard! Richard! (Parang si Rose ng Titanic habang hinahanap si Jack.)
Richard: O Cristine, nasan ka? (Parang si jack, hinahanap din si Rose.)
Extra 1: (Bitbit ang baby na nangingitim na sa lamig.) Tulungan nyo po kami. Kahit ang baby na lang po.
Richard: (Naka-hero posture with chin-up — anuman ang ibig sabihin ng chin-up). Si Cristine ba yan? Si Cristine ang hinahanap ko.
Extra 1: (Umiiyak, tulalang maiiwan ni Richard.)
Makikita ni Richard si Cristine.
Richard: Cristine! Cristine! Dito!
Makikita ni Cristine si Richard.
Cristine: (Biglang aaliwalas ang mukhang kanina’y balot ng pagaalala.) You’re my hero. (Lulundag sa boat, aakapin si Richard, at maglilips to lips.)
Dissolve.
Nagpepress conference si Richard.
Richard: Opo, ganun po ginawa ko. Mapanganib, pero pinilit ko pa rin pong iligtas si Cristine. Lumundag pa nga po ako sa tubig e. Tapos tinulak ko po yung speed boat. ‘Tas ang galing galing ko po. ‘Tas na-save ko po si Cristine. It’s such a great experience to help people.
The end.
(Ang corny. Hahahaha)
October 5th, 2009 at 11:33
willliam_tan_see’s entry was hilarious!!! congrats.. wishing here we see this on the big screen….
October 7th, 2009 at 01:06
thanks crazy_humdinger