Laundry cinema
Hitman, directed by one Xavier Gens and written by one Skip Woods, is so idiotic we couldn’t even hate it. We ended up giggling through most of it—the 80s Eurotrash music! the cheesy slow-motion! the ham acting! Why did I even watch it? Because it stars Timothy Olyphant and I love Deadwood the series. I just hope Timothy got paid major bucks for this, because it is not going to help his film career. I suspect Hitman is a money-laundering enterprise, which is kind of funny because watching clothes go round in the washing machine is more exciting than the action sequences in the movie. Some investors probably approached the producers and said, Hey, we have all this money, make us a movie based on that videogame, and by the way we really like the Bourne trilogy. So the makers go for that world-without-borders feel and even have a score reminiscent of Bourne Supremacy’s, except that everything is 70 IQ points lower than the Matt Damon series. Here’s something I thought I’d never utter in my lifetime: Watch Enchanted instead, just beware of shrieking Patrick Dempsey fans. Sheesh, watch One More Chance even, Hitman is that bad.
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November 24th, 2007 at 20:36
timothy olyphant is awesome. he does the morning sports report every weekday on joe escalante’s show on indie 103.1fm in los angeles. it’s great–he just phones it in from home, so you can hear him turning the pages of the newspaper looking for a story, or his kids in the back screaming for his attention. the show itself is kinda great; joe was the bass player for the punk band, the vandals, and he has also played with a mexican smiths’ cover band, the sweet and tender hooligans. he’s also an entertainment lawyer so you can actually get free legal advice from him on the show. and oh! david lynch is his weather man!!!
November 24th, 2007 at 23:09
I was so behaved when I watched Enchanted. Promise. But I must admit I was giggly. Ooops I almost said gigli.