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Drogon believes good posture is essential to reading Russian novels.

1. A Philosophical Murder

2. A Washerwoman Is Insulted

3. The Student’s Emotional Isolation Is Complete

4. The Estate Is Sold Off

5. Uuuuuughhhh

6. An Argument That Is Mostly In French

7. It’s Very Cold Out And Love Does Not Exist Also

8. The Nihilist Buffs His Fingernails While Society Crumbles

9. There Is No God

10. 400 Pages Of A Single Aristocratic Family’s Slow, Alcoholic Decline

11. Is This A Dinner Party Or Is This Hell?

Read on at The Toast.

She will only answer questions about your future.

Post your questions in Comments.

Also, The Oracle says, Buy our human’s new books at The Library of Babel online store. We’ll be having pop-up signings at different venues in the coming weeks.

Saffy and Drogon taking a nap.

Aaargh, we’ve been described as “incoherent” and “non-responsive”. Even if we had brain fever at the time, we don’t like it. So ask us a question, any question, in Comments from today till Sunday and we’ll post the answer as an mp3.

Tina says “brain fever” sounds like we caught something during an archaeological expedition in Victorian times and have to check into a sanatorium in Baden-Baden or Davos where we sit looking at the mountains with a blanket on our lap…while agents from British Intelligence pass us notes.

* * * * *

Here are the answers to the first three questions:

The next two questions:

More questions:

Thanks for posting your questions! Turns out we are incoherent and disorganized, but that’s our normal level of incoherence and disorganization.

Mat has been holding down the fort. He hired someone to clean the house while we were away. Clever cat.

We can count on the fingers of one hand the number of times we’ve been confined in the hospital: three. Fractured skull at age eight—a formative experience requiring primitive encephalography (See Pinhead). Typhoid fever at age ten or eleven (“natipus” with very interesting hallucinations involving talking animals). There should probably have been more hospital stays, but we thought we were invincible.

Monday afternoon we decided we were over the flu so we were going to a meeting at Rockwell at 4:30. We never made it to the meeting. When we came to we were on the floor of the shower, with the water going glub glub down the drain like a basic remake of Psycho. We staggered out of the bathroom to find one of our bookshelves flung against the refrigerator. What the hell was going on?

We threw on some clothes, picked up our bag, and left the house. But we couldn’t step off the stairs. The distance from the last step to the floor suddenly seemed insurmountable, and we sat there until we could figure out how to traverse this vast distance. The security guard must’ve notice that we were stuck on the stairs, and summoned the building administrator. She came around and asked us a series of questions. We don’t recall our answers exactly, but we were making no sense whatsoever. As far as we could tell we were speaking gibberish (Hmmm maybe after a weekend of flu meds were could understand Aramaic at last.)

The next thing we know, we’re at the ER of Makati Med and everyone we know has turned up in answer to the hospital summons. Our sister appeared in a black and gold ballgown, which is not her regular attire, but it was her wedding anniversary. Next we’re having an MRI and a cat scan, and we’re so out of it no one even has to tell us to lie vewy, vewy still.

Initial tests showed that our sodium and potassium levels were way down. Hell, we thought low sodium was good and we should eat a banana like Rafa and Andy between games.

This typing is making us very, very tired. Later.

After seeing the video in which Tara the cat saves her four-year-old human from a mean dog, we had this conversation with our feline housemates.

Us: Saffy, if we were on a bike and a dog attacked us, would you save us?

Saffy: That makes no sense. You do not ride a bike.

Us: Yes, but in theory, if we were on a bike and a dog attacked, would you save us?

Saffy: In theory, yes.

Us: Mat, would you save us from a dog attack?

Mat: Is that a bag of leftover fish from Kuretake?

Us: Yes. Would you save us?

Mat: Of course. Though it is highly unlikely that a dog would attack you without provocation. Perhaps the dog is psychologically unstable. Doggies are my friends.

Us: Drogon, would you save us from a dog attack?

Drogon: Yes. I would tell the doggy to go away. If he does not go away, I will call you to tell him to go away.

Us: But what if we’re busy because the dog is attacking us?

Drogon: That is a problem.

Joker, a 6-month-old Scottish Fold from Francis Bonnevie’s cattery, participated in All About Cats, a show sanctioned by The International Cat Association, at Resorts World Manila last week.

How do you get a cat to drink more water?

What can you do to dissuade the cat from sharpening his claws on the most expensive piece of furniture in the house? (Because cats, being possessed of impeccable taste, know how to identify the one item in the household whose destruction would cause you the most pain.)

What’s a human to do in the midst of a feline territorial war?

Is your cat really attempting to kill you? Why, why, why, when you are her humble servant?

What is Joker telling The Cat Whisperer?

We spoke to The Cat Whisperer Mieshelle Nagelschneider, who was in town last week for the All About Cats show at Resorts World Manila. She gave us some practical advice that made us smack our foreheads and cry, “Why didn’t we think of that!”

Listen to our podcast with The Cat Whisperer. The podcast is available for streaming, downloading, or subscription on iTunes.

Joker and his 3-month-old cousin, Lambert.

Thanks to the Public Relations team of Resorts World Manila for arranging the interview.