JessicaRulestheUniverse.com

Personal blog of Jessica Zafra, author of The Collected Stories and the Twisted series
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Archive for the ‘Cats’

Conversations with cats: Saffy has a toothache

March 20, 2014 By: jessicazafra Category: Cats No Comments →

saffy1

– Saffy, we’re home!
– Go away, I hatesss you.
– We missed you.
– I did not miss you at all.
– Look, we got you a present from Palawan.
– What is this?
– It’s a pearl necklace.
– These are not pearls.
– Well, they’re mother-of-pearl. (It’s actually a bracelet for humans. You can get three of them for Php100 from Badjao hawkers.)
– I thought so. Pearls do not usually come in plastic bags.

saffy2

To ingratiate ourself with the cat, we offered her a can of Friskies Classic Paté. Saffy ate a few bites, then began to growl and inspect her teeth with her tongue, as if she were trying to dislodge something. She also batted at her cheeks with her paws.

Being familiar with Saffy’s moods, we knew that these growls were not of the “Get the hell away from my food dish” variety she uses on Mat and Drogon. Saffy had a toothache.

We consulted our vet Mayem Yao, who continues to treat Saffy even if this cranky cat requires three people to hold her down, and many members of the Pendragon Vet Clinic staff have received painful souvenirs from her claws. If your critters need vets, we recommend Pendragon highly. Text 0922-VETHELP.

saffy3

Her toothache gone, Saffy ate half the can of Friskies paté. An hour later she climbed onto the table, sat on our keyboard and glared at us. This means “I want food.” Clearly she intended to make up for the meals she had not enjoyed while she had the toothache.

– This necklace is not bad.
– You can have all the necklaces (bracelets). They don’t fit Mat’s and Drogon’s necks.
– That is because they are fat.
– You are not skinny.
– Shut up and bring my Fancy Feast.

Reading year 2014: Our book-buying moratorium made us read faster

March 13, 2014 By: jessicazafra Category: Books, Cats 3 Comments →

In January we admitted that our reading backlog had become absurd and declared a moratorium on book acquisitions until the number of unread books had been brought down to a manageable level. There’s nothing like being told that you can’t buy any more books till you’ve decreased your backlog to make you read faster. Book lust is a great motivator. One of our joys is complaining about how many books we still have to read, and how can we do that if the number isn’t growing?

balzac

Someday we might get through a Balzac novel without wanting to seek out the author and throttle him (It’s a good thing he’s dead). We had an easier time with The Human Comedy, a collection of his short stories—”short” is relative. These tales are voluptuously-written, fascinating and infuriating—often at the same time. Balzac will start a story with some juicy gossip about famous Parisian mistresses, and then veer off into a pompous disquisition on women that will have you nodding off half a page. When he isn’t being pompous, he’s riveting.

In The 400 Blows, Antoine Doinel adores Balzac and gets caught plagiarizing him so he runs away.

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Weird to hear him in Spanish.

For a taste, read A Passion in the Desert, about a soldier who falls in love with a panther.

gallant

In Paris we wanted to read about Paris so we bought Paris Stories by Mavis Gallant. We couldn’t read it, we were not ready. There are books you have to read in childhood before your concentration is shot (Malory), and there are books that require a clearer perception of the varieties of human experience (Tolstoy). The news of Gallant’s death last month, at age 92, reminded us that we had this story collection. We started reading it and did not stop. This is in defiance of Gallant’s advice in the afterword to read one story, then shut the book and come back later. These stories are complex, graceful, and moving—they sneak up on you. You’re left feeling so much, and you wonder how she did it because she never calls attention to her technique. That would be tacky. Sometimes we don’t even know exactly how a story turns out, plot-wise, but we feel like we’ve been through something. Gallant is amazing.

tartt

The Goldfinch was our favorite book last year so we resolved to read Donna Tartt’s first novel, The Secret History. Reading The Secret History reminded us of watching Dead Poets Society, and not just because both are set in schools in New England. In both cases we were charmed and transfixed, but we also found them a little cringe-making. They’re rather precious and affected (Ang o-OA nila), they over-romanticize the academe and the nerd experience. The Secret History is about a group of very bright college students who fall under the spell of their adviser and professor of Greek. They’re so drunk on their syllabus that they end up committing murder—that’s not a spoiler, it’s right on the first page. Everyone is working so hard to be eccentric, and if you have to work at it, what you are is a hipster. Compelling read, though, shocking that it hasn’t been filmed.

mitford

If it weren’t by Nancy Mitford, The Blessing would be high-end chick-lit about an uncomplicated girl who marries a French aristocrat and moves to Paris, where she is shocked by the decadent lifestyle. Gasp, affairs left and right. However, since this is by the author of Love In A Cold Climate and The Pursuit of Love, it is wickedly funny, sophisticated, and understanding of human frailty. You know how Tagalog movies and telenovelas are obsessed with adultery and mistresses? Their writers should read Nancy Mitford so they can get over their little bourgeois hang-ups and actually enjoy life.

oatmeal

The way cats do. We borrowed this from our sister. It is the War and Peace of cat-centric comics.

sparrow

If you’re in the mood for a wonderful love story but can’t commit to anything that takes longer than a day, this is your perfect nosh. Turn to a random page and find something that will split your vestigial heart in half.

Conversations with cats: Why do they love cardboard boxes?

March 11, 2014 By: jessicazafra Category: Cats No Comments →

raft

Mat: Still no sign of land. How long is it?

Saffy: 33 days.

Mat: Thirty-three days?

Saffy: We can’t go on much longer. We haven’t eaten since the fifth day.

Mat: We’re done for! We’re done for!

Us: Kitties, get off the cardboard box, we have to assemble our shelf.

Mat: This is our life raft.

Saffy: We are stranded at sea, hoping someone will find us.

Mat: We are starving.

Us: Nobody believes you, piglets. Give us the box.

Saffy: No! You can’t take our raft.

Mat: We are poor shipwrecked sailors.

Us: You’ve been shredding that box. Better not scratch the shelf, or else.

Saffy: What shelf? This is our lifeboat.

sleeping
Then they got tired of playing shipwreck and Saffy huddled with Drogon.

Conversations with Cats: Saffy

March 05, 2014 By: jessicazafra Category: Art, Cats 3 Comments →

DSC_1556
– Saffy, why are you so soft and cuddly?
– I am naturally adorable.
– True, you spend eight hours a day grooming yourself.
– That is the normal amount of time for cats.
– And you’ve been spoiled from birth. You’re like those wagyu beef cows.

DSC_1560
– Why do you mention beef? Are you going to eat me?
– Of course not.
– You’d better not have plans or I will shred your books.
– Yeah? What about those reports about people who drop dead and get eaten by their cats?
– I would not eat you. Gross. You are not nutritious. Go fetch my paté.
– Get it yourself.
– But I am so cuddly and adorable. Look, I am snuggling up to you.
– We’ll get your paté. (Manipulative cat.)
– (Gullible human.)

balthus1
Living Room by Balthus, whom Saffy approves of

Drogon really loves the Philippine Eagle

February 23, 2014 By: jessicazafra Category: Cats 1 Comment →

Help save the endangered Philippine Eagle by getting your eagle toy at the Library of Babel.

The difficulties of writing at home

February 18, 2014 By: jessicazafra Category: Cats, Notebooks, The Workplace 8 Comments →

1
We’re writing a short story when a shadow falls upon the paper, followed by furry feet.

2
Saffy, get off our notebook, we’re writing.

4
Please get off our notebook.

5
You can’t be hungry, you just ate. And we just cleaned the litter box so you can’t complain. It’s our writing time, go away.

3
– I am inspiring you.
– Thanks, but what’s the point when we can’t see the page.
– That is not my problem.