JessicaRulestheUniverse.com

Koosi is the Magneto/Erik Lehnsherr of cats.

Koosi says: Although cats, being the perfect predators, are clearly the top of the food chain, it is in our best interest to let the humans believe that they are the dominant species. Let them think that we are cute, cuddly critters who give them something to make YouTube videos about since their own lives are generally unwatchable. In exchange for this useful deception they give us food, shelter, clothing (They try, we shred them), health care, etc, which beats scrounging in garbage cans.

Allow these needy hominids the illusion that we are their pets. “Oh wow, we wuv tweats! Here’s something for you in the litterbox (cough, cough, toxo).” Remember to look cute at all times, and to gaze upon them adoringly even when you’re really thinking, “You’re a good source of protein, person.” And we mean all times, even while you sleep.

Bilog, photo by Jen Villabona.

Thanks, the chronicler of boredom, for the Goddess Bast pin, which looks like Koosi.

That’s the Cat’s Eye Nebula, NGC 6543, on the top of the page beside our logo. We got it from one of our favorite sites, the NASA Astrology Picture of the Day Archive.

And here’s the Cat’s Paw Nebula, NGC 6334.

If we ever discover anything in space, we’re naming it after our cats.

Mat says: It’s not cool to come running when your human arrives in the house. What are you, a dog? When you hear the door opening, stay right where you are. Pretend to be sleepy or bored, which should come naturally. Then when the human approaches your spot, lift your eyes very slightly. Give them a look that says, “Oh hello, have you been there long? I was mulling over some flaws in Godel’s conjecture.”

* * * * *

People have the wrong idea about etiquette. It is not about class. It is not for ritual or show. It is not about money. Rich people are just as rude and tacky as the rest of us, except that they can afford a proper education and therefore have no excuse for their uncouth ways.

Read our column, Etiquette for Social Media, at InterAksyon.com.

via The World’s Best Ever

Apropos of the foodgramming story: We do not mind that there are jillions of cat videos on the net.

We wake up in the middle of the night and there’s something fat and fluffy on our pillow.

Us: Are you trying to smother us?
Saffy: Of course not. I am snuggling.

We go back to sleep. Some time later we feel a tugging on our scalp.

Us: What’s going on?
Saffy: What do you mean?
Us: Are you eating our hair?
Saffy: Of course not. What a strange suspicion.
Us: What are you doing then?
Saffy: Flossing. Your hair is just right for getting the food particles between our teefs.
Us: Yuccch!
Saffy: The vet says we should take care of our teefs.
Us: By brushing them once in a while.
Saffy: That would be unnatural. Cats don’t brush.

Us: What was that on your neck?
Mat: What?
Us: A black dot, like an insect. Was that a louse?
Mat: I do not have lice.
Us: It hid in your fur! (Fur inspection)
Mat: I do not have lice.
Us: How can you have lice? We applied the spot-on treatment to all you cats a month ago. And you didn’t have lice then.
Mat: I do not have lice. You are imagining things.
Us: It could be sucking your blood! Do you feel ill?
Mat: Well I am hungry.
Us: No, you’re not. You ate five minutes ago.
Mat: Maybe the lice consumed all the nutrients so I need more food.
Us: You’re not hungry.
Mat: I am if I have lice.
(Unscheduled grooming of all feline residents follows. No lice detected.)

Reminder: It’s summer, time to give the animals their anti-tick thingies.

* * * * *

Our cats are generally well-behaved (lazy) unless they know we’re bringing them to the vet, whereupon they howl and act like they’re being kidnapped. But sometimes we’re awakened at 5am by a massive ball of fluff landing on us. Wild rumpus! They’re chasing each other across the house, screeching and air-fighting (where they make like they’re scratching each other but don’t make actual contact). Our house turns into Where The Wild Things Are. (Not to be confused with Lord of the Flies, which they do sometimes when we’re away for more than a week.)

* * * * *

Brilliant site: Des Hommes et des Chatons. Male models vs. Cats!

Verdict: The cat has the more intellectual expression. Also, he’s reading words and the guy is looking at pictures.