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Saffron Sassafras Saoirse Schmitz Zafra Safin-Sprungli

Happy Birthday, Saffy! Saffy is our very clever cat who specializes in the planning and execution of revenge plots. She is cranky, possessive, and the master of the side-eye. Her favorite activities are sitting on my notebook as I’m writing, sitting on the keyboard as I’m typing, and sharpening her claws on the book I am reading. She is the reigning staring contest champion. While she is a picky (but voracious) eater, Saffy loves all fried chicken so we’re having that for her birthday lunch.

Today and tomorrow you can ask Saffy any and all questions about your personal lives and destinies and she will answer them!

Saffy Strange, Mistress of the Mystic Arts

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Dear Saffy,

May you have many, many more happy years to come.

I am usually a jovial person, but lately I have been feeling glum and anxious, especially when I read the news or see people quarreling in my social media accounts. There have been no changes in my living situation or my work, so it must be me. Sometimes I cannot bring myself to get out of bed, other times I cannot sleep. Help?

Gray Clouds

Dear Gray Clouds,
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Drogon Targaryen-Targaryen explains the ways of the household to the new cat, Jacob Totoro Howlett.

Take the Lonely Pets Quiz.

Additional question:

When you’re at the computer:

– The cat sits on the keyboard, preventing you from typing.

– The cat immediately goes to her favorite websites.

– The cat ignores you to play with his imaginary friends.

Michael Fassbender does the uncanny valley.

In the not-so-distant future, assuming the species survives its current stupidity, humans might colonize other planets. Before they do I hope they see the Alien movies (and its ripoffs) and think hard about security protocols, especially those concerning contamination. And that they develop powerful portable floodlights because so much mayhem could be avoided if people could see where they were walking.

But back into the murky, slimy dark we go, and once again our guide is Ridley Scott. The movie opens with a flashback to events before Prometheus. Critics didn’t love that movie, either, but I enjoyed it a lot: it raised questions that prompted other questions that got weirder and weirder. In this prologue, the synthetic David (Michael Fassbender) has a discussion with his creator, Weyland (Guy Pearce). David, you will recall, modelled himself on David Lean’s Lawrence of Arabia, down to the hairstyle of that glamorous imperialist. David is disappointed in his creator and his puny species—he, the creature, is obviously the superior being. Here’s where the Alien movies merge with Blade Runner (which Denis Villeneuve is resurrecting): they are the descendants of Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein’s monster. Later David even quotes a poem by Mary’s husband, which any Breaking Bad fan should be able to identify.
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Saffy Safin-Sprungli had a check-up and a manicure this weekend. The vet says she is very healthy. She turns 17 in June. I went looking for wet cat food (she’s had several teeth taken out) for senior cats and couldn’t find any. Then again we should probably stick to the same routine and let her eat whatever she wants.

Drogon Targaryen-Targaryen has a habit of leaning against my books and staring at me while I write. He enjoys playing with Jacob and attending dinners at my friend’s house. When we go out he carries on like he’s been kidnapped, but complains when it’s time to go home.
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Holy Cats! Jerusalem’s strays and their unsung guardian

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It’s Drogon’s birthday! (I assigned the date because I don’t know exactly when he was born—it’s also the birthday of Koosi, the first cat who adopted me.) Drogon likes sitting at windows and watching the outside world. Unlike our eldest cat Saffy who is antisocial, he enjoys visiting his human’s friends on their movie nights. These days he plays tag around the house with our new cat, Jacob.

Drogon is also a ferocious hunter, with skills he seldom gets to practice as an indoor cat. The other night I noticed him sitting in the bathroom for a long time, staring unblinkingly at the wall. The following morning there was a broken dish by the sink, books fallen off the table, and in the center of the room, a small cockroach corpse. All hail the fearless hunter!

In keeping with our tradition, we declare Drogon the Oracle and invite you to post your questions and wishes in Comments. No rush—he’ll answer them throughout the long weekend.

Here’s one of Drogon’s favorite musicians, Thundercat, who is inspired by his cat, Turbo Tron Over 9000 Baby Jesus Sally, Tron for short.