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That’s how The Waste Land by T.S. Eliot begins, and that is this week’s LitWit Challenge.

Write us a story (in any genre or style) that begins with this line: April is the cruellest month.

That’s the only rule. Besides the 1,000-word limit and the deadline: 11.59 pm on Friday, 8 April 2011.

The prize: Two fine Filipino graphic novels, 12 by Manix Abrera and Trese by Budjette Tan.

The Weekly LitWit Challenge is brought to you by our friends at National Bookstore. Get a 20 percent discount on all imported books at National Bookstore in Power Plant Mall, Rockwell this weekend. Go!

The Power of Books from 9gag.

#2 gambala. 15-year-old boy hears strange noises in the backyard, investigates, sees Maria from next door having sex with someone, takes a closer look and sees himself getting it on with Maria. Very nice prose but it feels like an episode from a larger work, say a novel about the martial law years, rather than a standalone piece.

#3 rice_cooker. “I have never been the sharpest tool in the box,” says the narrator, who proceeds to talk like a Miriam Defensor Santiago impersonator and call attention to her vocabulary. Narrator sees her doppelganger and supposedly freaks out but this is how she puts it: “The shock of seeing myself standing and chitchatting with Marie — my only ally in this political wasteland of an office — sent me reeling. As always, in fight or flight situations, I opted to run.” Form follows content: prose must express the protagonist’s sense of urgency. Writing “rage” and “kill” in all caps is not enough.

#4 Cacs. Who is the narrator then?

#5 winnerific. The exposition is confusing and we’re not in the mood to untangle the plot but the writer gets the point of the exercise: Meeting your double is creepy.

#6 ouroboros. We’re probably missing some vital plot point but if the doppelganger has been killed who is messing up her life?

The winner of LitWit Challenge 5.3 is gambala. Congratulations and good luck on your novel! Please post your full name in Comments (It won’t be published) and we’ll alert you when you can pick up your prize.

We need to invent a new schtick.

The Weekly LitWit Challenge is brought to you by our friends at National Bookstore. The next challenge is coming up.

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gambala, your prize is waiting for you at the Customer Service counter of National Bookstore in Power Plant Mall, Rockwell, Makati. Just give your full name to the staff. Yes, you can send someone to pick up your books. Any time from now till June 30, 2011. Enjoy!

Photo of Audrey Hepburn as Natasha in War and Peace, directed by King Vidor, from imdb. Only watch the movie if you want to see Audrey. From imdb: “Audrey Hepburn’s salary of $350,000 for the film was the highest salary an actress had ever received to date. When notified of her record salary Hepburn modestly told her agent, “I’m not worth it. It’s impossible. Please don’t tell anyone.” One of the reasons we love Audrey Hepburn.

Two weeks to go in our War and Peace reading project and the end is in sight. The two-month schedule suited us–we were able to read Tolstoy at a leisurely pace while observing our daily routines, meeting deadlines, and noshing on other books.

When you finish reading W&P, post a short essay in Comments below. Tell us what you really enjoyed about the Tolstoy, and what sections if any almost made you quit. (The looong sections about religion reminded me of the loooong sections about agriculture in Anna Karenina–I took to walking while reading, which looked funny but was the only way to keep my mind awake.) At the end of the W&P project we’re giving away books (including The Last Station by Jay Parini, a novel about Leo Tolstoy’s last days) to some of the readers who signed up for this reading group.

The Weekly LitWit Challenge is brought to you by our friends at National Bookstore.

Henry Fonda as Pierre (?!!) Audrey Hepburn as Natasha, and Mel Ferrer as Andrei (?!!). Fonda is all wrong for Pierre. Pierre is fat and ungainly, it’s part of his Pierre-ness. And Mel Ferrer–yikes.

Look what we found on youtube: the 1985 Twilight Zone episode based on Harlan Ellison’s killer short story, Shatterday. It stars Bruce Willis. With hair!

Ellison has written some amazing stories–A Boy and His Dog, I Have No Mouth and I Must Scream, Jeffty is 5, plus the classic Star Trek episode City On the Edge of Forever, and our absolute favorite bad movie (so bad it’s Brilliant), The Oscar. Okay he’s a major…complainer and has accused the likes of James Cameron (Terminator) and Cormac McCarthy (The Road) of ripping off his work, but he also came up with this story. Watch it.

Part 1

Part 2

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coffeecrumble for her faux-Victorian Tagalog rendition of the first 770 words of Jane Eyre, Chapter 1. We noted some confusion in the use of “ng” and “nang” but on the whole we think Ms Charlotte Bronte would approve of coffeecrumble’s faithfulness to the text. The winner will receive two volumes of Penguin Readers Collected Classics and a copy of Wuthering Bites, the vampire version of the novel by Ms Bronte’s sister Emily.

roseriver sent in a more musical translation of the first chapter, but altered the tone and presentation of the all-important first sentence. For her fine work she will receive a copy of our favorite Jane Austen work Persuasion, and Colson Whitehead’s coming of age novel, Sag Harbor.

micvindelmer’s Jane Eyre had us at “Witchikik kami makarampa noonching araw na yoonchi.” For the best entry in baklese he/she will get this curiosity:

Congratulations to our winners! Please post your full names in Comments (they won’t be published) and we will alert you when you can pick up the books at National Bookstore, Power Plant Mall, Rockwell, Makati. You’ll have three months to pick up your prizes.

To the winners of LitWit Challenge 5.1: Brriiiiing!: Please excuse the delay, we will let you know as soon as your books are available. Thank you for your patience.

The Weekly LitWit Challenge is brought to your by our friends at National Bookstore. The next LitWit Challenge is coming up.

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coffeecrumble, micvindelmer, roseriver: You can claim your prizes at the Customer Service counter of National Bookstore, Power Plant Mall Rockwell, Makati any day starting tomorrow. To check, call Customer Service at the Rockwell branch, (02)8974562. Please pick up your books before June 22, 2011. roseriver, tell your representative that your prize is listed under your real name. Enjoy.

We’re accepting entries until noon tomorrow, Sunday the 20th.

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The new film adaptation of Jane Eyre is getting excellent reviews, Mia Wasikowska continues to shine, our boyfriend Michael Fassbender (he just doesn’t know it yet) is well on his way to stardom (This year he gets to be Rochester, Carl Jung and Magneto), and damn you Cary Fukunaga, why are you so hot.

While we await the arrival of the film in local theatres we shall occupy ourselves with the source material, the novel by Charlotte Bronte. If you do not have the book look for it in your mom’s library, and it it’s not there download it from Project Gutenberg.

As the stunning film director points out, Jane Eyre is timeless and its appeal universal. These being the qualities of a classic: It is of its time but it speaks to every age; it is the product of a specific culture and society but it has something to say about all cultures and societies—including ours. Which means that Ms Charlotte Bronte’s masterpiece would work in our language, Tagalog.

Your assignment for LitWit Challenge 5.2 is to translate the first 770 words of Jane Eyre (below) into Tagalog. We leave it to you to decide whether to use formal Pilipino, colloquial Tagalog, or gayspeak. The deadline for the submission of entries in Comments is Sunday, 20 March 2011 at 12 noon. The prize is this set of books.

The Weekly LitWit Challenge is brought to you by our friends at National Bookstore.
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