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Two skull rings.

The Yucch-meter’s deliberations on LitWit Challenge 3.12: Conversations in restaurants will appear this weekend, followed by the announcement of the winner.

Conversations in restaurants: the Pulp Fiction hommage.

– Garcon, I would like a Milo McFlurry please.
– What did you just call me?
– Garcon, it means “boy”. . .I’m sorry, I had not realized. . .your hair is very short.
– Are you calling me a transvestite?
– Of course not, my view was blocked by the planter.
– Are you suggesting that I’m short?
– I am not suggesting it, I am stating it as fact.
– My height is average for Filipinos.
– Oui, I understand. I would like a Milo-
– How tall are you?
– Pardon?
– How tall. Are you.
– I am 1.93 metres tall.
– How much is that in feet?
– I do not know feet, I am French. We use the metric system.
– Just because you’re a pituitary case you think you can call people midgets.
– I do not know that word “midget”. I called you “garcon”.
– How would you feel if I called you kapre?
– Nothing, I do not know what that is. May I order now please. I would like a Milo McFlurry.
– Where do you think you are, McDonald’s? This is a fine dining establishment, we don’t serve McFlurries.
– Ah, my mistake. Then I would like a Royale with Cheese.
– We’re not in France. Here it’s called Quarterpounder with Cheese.
– But I do not know pounds. . .
– Yeah, yeah, the French, metric system. You want French fries with that?
– French fries?
– You don’t know French fries? Fried potatoes.
– Oh, pommes-frites. Yes.
– You want ketchup with that?
– Mayonnaise.
– (Freak.)
– (Midget.)

There. We are hommaged out. Write me a conversation that is not about itself.

Listen to the Parisian trio We Are Enfant Terrible.

We Are Enfant Terrible – Wild Child (Chew Lips Remix) by Last Gang Entertainment

As promised, we met with the winners of LitWit Challenge 3.11: Stabbed In The Heart to present them with their prizes. The prize was a hardcover Collected Stories of Lydia Davis. As two winners were declared, we needed another copy of the Collected Lydia Davis. Unfortunately the bookstore had run out of copies (I had forced friends to buy them when they first came out), so we had to find an acceptable substitute.

Sum: forty tales from the afterlives by David Eagleman is a collection of vignettes by neuroscientist David Eagleman. The reviews have been rapturous, and the book has been compared to the work of Italo Calvino and Alan Lightman. So we got a copy of Sum, and since Cacs arrived on time he got to choose between the two books. He picked Sum.

The winners of LitWit Challenge 3.11: Stabbed In The Heart, Cacs and Momelia, with their prizes.

Momelia has some intriguing tattoos.

“What fantastic tattoos,” we said. “When did you get them?”

“I used to hang out in a pool hall,” said Momelia.

“What does that one mean?”

“Fire and Passion.”

“How do you know it’s Fire and Passion and not Pyre and Fashion?”

You don’t.

The Weekly LitWit Challenge is brought to you by our friends at National Bookstore.

For this LitWit Challenge, Conversations in restaurants, we asked you to write a story in the form of a dialogue with the young man in the photos.

The Yucch-meter wants to know when you plan to submit your stories because she has not found a real one among the entries posted so far. She sees transcripts of the authors’ (pedestrian) personal fantasies, atrocious imitations of British speech, irritating knockoffs of American indie movie dialogue, cloying simulations of Star Cinema romantic comedy drivel, and other forms of masturbatory activity.

Writing is not about having sex with yourself. Writing is about having sex with language. Try again.

We sent Patrice Olivier a link to his Jock With A Book feature. His reply: “That’s cool that i have fans, i just can’t believe it but it makes me smile.” Shall we make him smile some more?

Dialogue is tricky, as previous LitWit Challenges have shown us. Dialogue must convey something of the speaker’s character and mental state, and still have the rhythm of “real” speech.

This week’s assignment: Write a story in the form of a dialogue. In 1,000 words, preferably less, invent a conversation in a restaurant with the young man in these photos. Imagine that we, the readers, are sitting at the next table, overhearing the conversation. Post your stories in Comments and the Yucch-meter will read them.

If you have any questions about these instructions we do not care to hear them. Just write your story and send it in; we always make exceptions for good stuff.

The winner of LitWit Challenge 3.12 will receive this set of books by our favorite writer of dialogue, J.D. Salinger.

It’s the Glass Family cycle: Nine Stories, Franny and Zooey, and Raise High the Roofbeam, Carpenters/Seymour.

We will accept your entries until Tuesday, 30 November 2010 at 11.59 pm.

The Weekly LitWit Challenge is brought to you by our friends at National Bookstore.

Are!

The Yucch-meter has decided to spare herself a headache and declare a tie. The winners of LitWit Challenge 3.11 are Cacs for The Remainders and Momelia for The Harlotte Champion Is At Stake. Congratulations, you two. You each get a copy of The Collected Stories of Lydia Davis, which I will present to you when we meet for coffee next week. When are you free?

Mine. . .Mine. . .All mine. . .

The Weekly LitWit Challenge is brought to you by our friends at National Bookstore. The next LitWit Challenge is coming up.

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Cacs and Momelia, please check your email. See you Monday the 29th.