JessicaRulestheUniverse.com

Translated by me, the captive audience in the taxi
“See that billboard? Is that (well-known showbiz personality we probably shouldn’t name)? I used to work for her. I was her driver for a year. Balasubas yan. No, I got paid alright, but the yelling and cursing! She would scream and cuss at me. In front of other people. Celebrities! (He proceeds to name all the famous people who witnessed his being berated by famous employer. Public humiliation is bad enough, but to be humiliated in front of celebrities!) She would call me to bring the car around and if I wasn’t there in five minutes she would scream like a madwoman. What if there was heavy traffic?! You know, her boobs are fake. They’re made of silicone. And her legs are ugly, they’re veiny. She’s big now but her fame won’t last because she’s not nice. You never heard such cursing! And from someone with an education! Well, not really. She’s a college undergraduate! (The horror!) I saw her resumé when she enrolled her kid in school. (You have to present your resumé to your kid’s school?! I’ve heard that you have to show your marriage certificate to prove that your child is legitimate, and that many Catholic schools don’t accept the children of single/separated/divorced parents—so much for kindness, charity, etc—but now they have to see your CV?! “We regret that we cannot accept your child as a student. You lack twelve units of Serbo-Croat, your background in Uzbek literature is a little sketchy, and since your masteral thesis disproving the Yang-Mills equation is incomplete, you do not have the necessary qualifications to be a parent at our school.”) Mark my words, her career won’t last. She bought this house and lot for over 20 million pesos, but that’s going to burn. (Was that a threat of arson? Should I have written down his name and license number?) The old stars, they were good to their staff. Dolphy, Susan Roces, Nova Villa. . .Yeah, I’ve been driving a cab for a long time, and sometimes I work as a private driver. I worked in the Middle East, too. I was a heavy equipment operator. Now the pay in the Middle East is too low. The Indians, Pakistanis, and Bangladeshis were accepting less pay, so the salaries went down. Ay, heavy traffic. It’s because there’s classes today.”