JessicaRulestheUniverse.com

It’s been a month since my first gay relationship ended but I still can’t move on. Last week, just when I had poured my guts out and said I still liked him and wanted to get back together, I find he’s got somebody else. His current actually told me to back off. That happened just a day after my birthday. I’m so hurt and humiliated but him having someone else is just salt to the wound.

My initial gripe was that I gave up the bohemian life that I wanted (being a bum/tabloid writer in the province) for a corporate job here in Manila just to be with him. But before I could tell him that I’m staying, he broke up with me. And now we work on the same floor. I want to quit the job but I’m on a still on a 6-month bond, and since I’m in the recruiting and staffing industry, I know better than not to last at least a year in a company.

My friends tell me I should start looking for someone else but I don’t think I want that. I just want to be happy with being single again. Is there any way to get over someone you see five days a week, who smiles at you and touches you whenever he says hi? It’s a very small office.

The work helps me keep my mind off him but the weekends, especially the long ones, are torture. The salary’s not enough to keep on going trips/retail therapy.

I’ve been working in the BPO industry for the last 7 years. When I started out, I thought this would just be a 1-year thing while I figured out what to do with the rest of my life. Then things started happening in a good way, so I’ve stayed on and found stability with a very weird schedule. I have a good job that pays the bills, a happy family, and enough money to buy the things I could never have when I was a kid.

My problem is this: I have a long-time friend who always says the wrong things about my job. I don’t think she means to hurt me, but she’s so self-absorbed, she doesn’t think before blurting out her comments.

Here are just some examples: (Quote in parenthesis are the actual thoughts running through my head)

A) 2 months ago, she says, “Oh so you work in Company A. I always thought you worked in Company B.” (Ummm….I’ve been working in Company A for 4 years now and I’ve never ever set foot in the offices of Company B!)

B) “God, I would never hire people from schools other than University A!” (Ummm…. I’m not from University A. Plus, I’ve hired people from University C – Z and about 90% of them have done good work for me.)

C) “Eeuuwww…I would never go out with a guy working in the BPO industry! They’re not exactly of my caliber!” (Ummm… and dating strangers in bars is a better option?)

D) “If I ever work for a BPO, I’m not going to adjust my schedule to theirs. I’m a boss, they should adjust their schedule to my convenience!” (Okay…..but that’s not going to get you very far.)

To add salt to the wound, she introduces me to one of her friends who needed career advice and he dares ask me questions like, “Isn’t there a stigma associated with working in a BPO?” and “Isn’t there a distinction between a Corporation and BPO?” WTF?!!

I love my job because it gives me the things that I value: autonomy, flexibility, and independent thinking. I’ve been mentored by excellent managers and I’ve been sent to train in the best MBA schools for free! I travel abroad for conferences. This is more than I can say for a lot of dead-end traditional corporate jobs out there. That’s why I’m still amazed that a lot of people look down on BPOs.

I’ve been friends with this person since we were kids, but she’s changed so much in the last 3 years. I don’t know if I should keep trying to be her friend, or if I should just accept the fact that we’ve grown in different directions and move on with my life without her. She’s become like a relative I’m required to see at least once a year out of obligation. To be honest though, I have very few friends, so I’m afraid to lose another one. Should I just brush off her unenlightened comments about my work and pretend everything is okay? Do you think I should confront her with my real feelings? This is the first time I’m writing to a stranger for advice, but I’m curious to hear what you have to say about my situation.

My close friend, let’s call her Suzanne, migrated to the US 10 years ago. She and her folks visit Manila from time to time. Recently Suzanne’s mom was in town so I went to see her.

The mom, let’s call her Tita Betchay, texted me to drop by their house so I could pick up the pasalubongs from Suzanne. When I got there we chatted for a bit. She asked me, a workaholic geek, if I have any plans of going to the US for work. I said No, seeing as there’s a recession on. Tita Betchay refuted that and said I would not starve to death in America because I am hardworking and smart. She added that only lazy and unmotivated people starve in America.

“But you know dear,” Tita Betchay said, “Only US citizens or permanent residents can hold high- paying jobs there”. I nodded but at this point I had tuned out because I was so sleepy. Then she said, “In order for you to become a US citizen quickly, you can do these fixed marriage arrangements with Suzanne’s friends for a price.”

I sat up as if I’d been slapped in the face. “What do you mean Tita?”

She said I had to pay around 30,000 USD to marry a US citizen so I can be a US citizen. After 2 years I can divorce my faux hubby and be free. Right there she called Suzanne and said, “Oh, your friend wants to go to the States pala, you don’t even help her out. Let’s fix her up with what’s-his-face so they can get married and she can be a citizen and work there”.

But I never said anything of the sort, Auntie Janey! I wasn’t asking for “help” but Tita Betchay just shoved it in my face like it meant life or death for me. I have a stable job and I’m very happy with my career. Yes, I have been single for the longest time and it’s by choice and I enjoy it very much. Tita Betchay, whom I consider family, thought I needed to be saved from a terrible situation. I know she meant well but her timing and delivery were waayyy off.

Auntie Janey, does this mean that I walk around like I have a sign on my forehead that says “Help me, I’m over 30, single, I have a mediocre career and the only way to solve this is to get married and go to the US”? How can I refuse Tita Betchay’s offer without offending her or causing any unwanted tension between me and Suzanne, who has been my friend for 18 years?

I’m worried about my 22-year-old younger sister who’s been a registered nurse for almost 2 years. My parents and I have been asking her if she’s planning to apply for work or at least volunteer as a nurse soon. We have relatives working in hospitals and are eager enough to help her with the application. We told her she could get a job even if it’s totally unrelated to her degree, but she’s just not keen to do anything to help herself.

I’ve even asked her if she wants to study again, as I’m willing to help my parents finance her tuition if she wants to pursue another degree. She told us to stop bugging her and let her decide by herself. She always say “Basta ako na ang bahala, ‘wag na kayong tanong nang tanong”. She gets very irritated whenever we ask her about these things.

It’s just that she stays at home all day, surfing the net, watching TV, helping with the household chores if she’s in the mood. I don’t know if she’s living the life she wants right now. She used to be very friendly and outgoing, she was never a homebody. She’s got so much potential and we want her to start her career, but she’s been idle for years now. Auntie Janey, is she just going through a quarter-life crisis?

There seems to be a scarcity in the number of straight males who ask you for advice so let me reverse this trend.

I am 27, currently between jobs, waiting for my certificate of registration in a career that involves the ill, the dying, and the walking dead. As far as I can remember I have never ever been close to getting into a relationship. My high school and early college years are accounted for, I was into Star Trek (particularly Deep Space Nine), Douglas Adams, and Dungeons & Dragons (having been the DM of a cabal in Diliman). I know how girl-repellent these can be. And, no, no matter how hard cosplaying girls pretend to be geeks, there is just something odd about their brand of fanaticism. It is like staring at the Uncanny Valley, there is just something off. As for those female true believers, all of the ones I have met are taken.

Of course, the other thing that probably marked me as someone to be avoided when it comes to intimacy was my foolish habit of writing “poems” to girls I am attracted to. Those were painfully misguided years. I have done enough penance.

The closest I can say I ever got to having a girlfriend was during the closing days of my undergraduate years. At the time I met someone in an elective class who had the same taste in books and, generally, the same interests. In the few months or so that we knew each other, we had a friendship that can only be described as tempestuous. We would be revealing secrets one day, then the next day completely ignoring and not talking to each other and then back to talking. It was a cycle. This went on for months after graduation when our paths diverged as I continued studying while she started working. Then we had a huge fight. I will be honest enough and confess that I started it because I was exhausted with my efforts at trying to chase her when it was clear in her head that she could never see me as more than a friend.

We have reconciled since then, but as with such reconciliations, things could never go back to the way they once were. During the process of catching up, I discovered that the whole time she and I were talking about leo@fergusrules.com, acceptable breaks in reality, and friendship in the age of Friendster (this was half a decade ago) she had been seeing men who can only be described as bastards, assholes, and deadbeats, whose career plans were either non-existent or were limited to whatever handouts their parents gave them. The worst part of my rejection: finding out that she had chosen someone who had a history of violence against his girlfriend over me.

My story does not end there. I am currently infatuated with a former colleague, which I find a bit tiresome because years earlier when I had obliquely admitted I had feelings for her, she struck me down by telling me straight out via text message that she was not interested. In spite of this, I never really lost my attraction.

It is traditional that in this kind of letter one has to point out how normal or even superior the letter-writer is to the general population in order to make the lack of significant other a total mystery. So I will just state plainly that I bathe twice a day, brush my teeth regularly, have no facial deformities, and, in spite of being temporarily jobless, I consider myself a responsible person and I do my job well.

I point this out because in my line of work I’ve met women who have incurred physical injuries from assaults by other women after some Casanova in their barangay became reckless in his two-timing; women who have had children (averaging at about 4) with men who were already married; and women who swallowed 20 tablets of acetaminophen or ingested warfarin over men who did not love them back.

So this is where I not only ask the question why I do not have a girlfriend, I also ask why are there so many deadbeats, men without any ambition or future to speak, of who have women jumping all over them.

The usual answer to the first question does not apply. I am and always will have eyes only for women. And, no, this question does not bother me enough to cause me distress, at least not anymore. I would just like to have your input regarding these mysteries.

Recently the girlfriend of my ex started befriending me in all the social networking sites. Even in chats and emails too. I did not think of it as harmful because this girl and I have been acquainted since college and her family knows my family as well. I can say that she is a lady with a kind heart.

A few weeks ago we had a live chat. She is in the United States and I am in the Middle East. And the guy is in the Philippines. She opened the topic that she and my ex have broken up. I am saddened by the news because I thought they had been going strong for almost 4 years. And thought that the only issue they had been struggling with is the long distance relationship. She did not hesitate to tell me the whole story. And their problem is the same one my ex-boyfriend and I had.

The guy would not let her wear spaghetti straps or shorts even if it’s summer in the Philippines. The girl is decent and came from a very decent family too. The guy would not let her talk to certain people. In short, “nakakasakal”. In the past whenever they broke up the girl would be the one begging him to take her back. But as she pointed out, “paulit ulit na lang”. So there, she finally made up her mind to focus on loving herself.

Well, I told her that she’s doing herself a huge favor.Please don’t get me wrong, I am not badmouthing my ex but she opened the topic. Auntie Janey, why are there guys who are so “mapagbawal” (imposing many restrictions) and strict?

Anyway I’m happy to have made a friend. She’s such a genuine person. Thank you Auntie Janey. Looking forward to hearing from you.