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Outtakes from my column (ran out of space).

In rugby the team in possession of the ball moves it towards the opponent’s goal line by kicking it. They can pass it with their hands but never forwards, only sideways (if the ball is moving slightly backwards). To stop the ball carrier, the opposing team tackles him.

Points are scored by kicking the ball on the ground over the goal’s crossbar (3 points), or by bodily carrying the ball over the goal line and planting it on the ground (a ‘try’, 5 points). After a successful try, the attacking team gets a free kick at the goal. If it goes in, it’s a ‘conversion’ (2 points).

Photo: The Asian Division 2 championship match in New Delhi in June. The Philippines beat Thailand and India to win promotion to Division 1 in 2011. Photo by Nigel Saunders.

This is a scrum. After a minor rules violation, the eight forwards on each team bind together in three rows and interlock heads. The opposing pack approaches and everybody crouches. Then the two packs engage and push each other as hard they can. The ball is thrown into the gap between the two front rows, whereupon the two guys in the middle of the front row try to hook the ball backwards with their feet. The ball is kicked backwards, number 9 (the ‘scrum-half’) picks it up, and the ball is in play. Photo by Nigel Saunders.

Half-Pinoy, Half-Aussie, All Sports, All The Time in Emotional Report, today in the Star.

The Rugby World Cup is next year. Let’s go to New Zealand!

This is my voodoo doll. I only use it for World Cup finals. The last time I used it, Marco Materazzi said something to Zinedine Zidane, and whatever it was Zizou was so incensed he head-butted Materazzi, and Italy went on to win the World Cup.

Weird turning point, no? Almost as if . . .voodoo were involved.

It’s the day of the final, so out comes the doll. Whom should we hex, Spain or Holland? I’m taking requests.

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12 July 2010, 0240. Bernard-Henri texts: “Found myself in Instituto Cervantes for the game. I’m the only one here for the Oranje! I might be burned at the stake.”

That’s heresy on two counts! Heresy by thought, heresy by word, heresy by. . .three counts! Did you bring your queso de bola? Four counts!

0320. More yellow cards than a Noynoy rally, but still no score. I do not want to see a penalty shoot-out.

There is a total solar eclipse today. Going by Here Comes The Bride movie physics by Chris Martinez, if there is a total solar eclipse in a magnetic field and some Spanish and Dutch players collide, they will swap bodies. Hmmm David Villa is not himself today.

0420. For a hex to work I must feel a powerful dislike towards the hexee, and right now I dislike both teams. Urrgh. On to the existential hell of the penalty shoot-out. No wait, extra time.

Incidentally there is a much-repeated story that Albert Camus was the goalie of the Algerian football team. It is not true.

Iniesta passes the Dutchies!

0458. A goal! Iniesta! Spain 1, Holland 0. I think I’ll have fabada for lunch. A late, late lunch.

0504. Cardinal Octopus, bring out. . .the comfy chair! Spain wins the World Cup for the first time ever! Vive de largo el pulpo! Good morning.

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Here’s my favorite post-match video: Iker Casillas is interviewed by his girlfriend, TV presenter Sara Carbonero.

No one expects the Spanish Inquisition!

Their chief weapon is surprise, fear and surprise. Their two chief weapons are fear and surprise and a ruthless efficiency. Their three chief weapons are fear and surprise and a ruthless efficiency and to pass pass pass the ball until the opponent doesn’t know where it is. . .Amongst their weaponry are such diverse elements as fear, surprise, a ruthless efficiency, pass pass pass and those nice red uniforms…I’ll come in again.

From RayVi: the Our Father.

Padre nuestro quien estás en SUDÁFRICA. Santificado sea Iker Casillas. Venga a nosotros el 6º PARTIDO. Hágase tu voluntad tanto en el CUERPO TÉCNICO como en los JUGADORES. Danos hoy nuestro GOL de cada día. Perdona a nuestros DEFENSAS, como también nosotros perdonamos al ÁRBITRO que nos … ofende. No nos dejes caer al borde de la eliminación y LLÉVANOS a la FINAL, AMEN.

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Listen to this: A bombastic re-crafting of Technotronic’s club classic Pump Up The Jam in Spanish by the electro-pop band Bomba Estereo, in Levi’s Pioneer Sessions.

I was wondering why The Old Guys (because they are literally old and guys) weren’t taunting me about the Wimbledon results, and then I saw the World Cup scores.

Diego Maradona can’t watch as his Argentina side are ripped apart by Germany. Photograph: Darren Staples/Reuters

Ay caramba, Argentina is out of the World Cup! Not just out, but thoroughly thrashed and humiliated by Germany, 4-0. Oh, the ignominy! And right after Holland booted Brazil out 2-1 to cancel their dream final. I expect The Old Guys are pickling their livers right now. I feel for you ancients, but if you want a Latin American final there’s still Paraguay and Uruguay.

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Ayayay no more Paraguay, but Spain is. . .Spanish-speaking.

There were giant screens in many public areas showing the England v Germany match live but I OD’d on vitamin D yesterday and wanted to see it indoors. Every single pub we went to was crammed. We ended up at Garden Gate in Hampstead and settled down with our Guinness to watch the agony live.

It was excruciating to watch, and I’m not even for England.

Kayo kasi umaasa pa, talo naman palagi. Huwag niyo nang ipapaalala na nanalo kayo noong 1966 dahil masyadong matagal na yon. Kung sa bagay, 1974 pa nanalo sa Miss Universe ang Pilipinas.

Afterwards, the silence descending like a gray blanket. Many people are not going to work on Monday.

At the newsstand a kid of 11 or 12 glances at the day’s papers and says, “I’m not even going to look at those tomorrow.”

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Celebrity sighting of someone I didn’t recognize # 1. We’re on the train to Camden when my friend types a message on his phone and shows it to me. “The guy next to me was a child actor.” I look. No bells.

“He was on Eastenders.” Eastenders isn’t shown in the Philippines. “How’s his career going?” I ask. “Not as well as expected. I think his coming out may have something to do with it. But he is dating a member of Blue.”

Celebrity sighting of someone I didn’t recognize # 2. We’re walking along Regent’s Park Canal when a guy with big curly hair wearing a button-down shirt and shorts zips towards us on a bicycle. “Hey it’s that chef,” says Rian. “What chef?” “You know, the judge on Top Chef? Very mean? Foreign-sounding name?” I don’t watch TV but I read Heat by Bill Buford and remembered a name. “Marco Pierre White?” “Yes, him!” Hey Ige, I saw Marco Pierre White.

Horrible and hilarious! The World Cup of Evil in Vice.