JessicaRulestheUniverse.com

The winners of our Crappiest Job contest are:

Saint Gigi, for courage in the face of ickiness
Rye, for perseverance in the face of Orwellian absurdity
Freelancer Autumn for patience in the face of people who can’t distinguish between bi and semi.

Congratulations!

Please post your real names in Comments (they’ll be kept private). You can claim your posters starting Friday at Wild Ginger in the basement of Power Plant Mall, Rockwell, Makati. The restaurant is open from 11am to 8pm, look for Nida or Marge. You’ll need to present an ID. If you’re sending someone else to claim your prize, send them your ID (or a photocopy of your ID).

Mat wanted to send in an entry but he’s never had a job, unless you count neighborhood feline sperm bank.

The Crappiest Job You’ve Ever Had competition is now closed. You can continue posting stories as therapy, but only the entries received by noon today are eligible for our not really fabulous prizes. Ms. Stella Arnaldo has kindly agreed to be the judge for this contest. Stella is a journalist who covers business, politics, and general absurdity, meaning she is eminently qualified to spot a crappy job. Watch out for the announcement of winners.

 

Time Management for Anarchists by Jim Munroe (via Boing Boing). How to be productive without having, or being, a boss. Starring Emma Goldman and Mikhail Bakunin.

 

 

If anarchosyndicalism is not for you, what about hereditary monarchy by divine right? Read the first chapter of Cintra Wilson’s Caligula for President, in Boing Boing.

Painting: Vincent Van Gogh, “Corridor in the Asylum”

For the benefit of those who have seen so many serial killer thrillers they’ve begun to think Satan is speaking to them through the neighbor’s dog, The Straight Dope explains the difference between sociopaths, psychopaths, and serial killers.

Sociopath. The term is no longer in use. It has been replaced by “antisocial personality disorder” (APD), which is characterized by “a pervasive pattern of disregard for and violation of the rights of others occurring since age 15 years, as indicated by three (or more) of the following: failure to conform to social norms with respect to lawful behaviors; deceitfulness; impulsivity or failure to plan ahead; irritability and aggressiveness; reckless disregard for safety of self or others; consistent irresponsibility; lack of remorse, as indicated by being indifferent to or rationalizing having hurt, mistreated, or stolen from another.” If this describes you, thank you for taking time to read this. Now go away.

Psychopath. The term is not in the DSM, but is used by some criminologists. Psychologist Robert Hare has prepared this checklist to measure psychopathy: Glibness/superficial charm, Grandiose sense of self-worth, Pathological lying, Cunning/manipulativeness, Lack of remorse or guilt, Shallow affect, Callous/lack of empathy, Failure to accept responsibility for own actions, Promiscuous sexual behavior. (Hey, I think I went out with that guy.)

Hare estimates that 1 percent of the general population is psychotic, which means we’ve already elected most of them into office.

The difference between psychopathy and APD is that psychopaths are characterized by a lack of empathy, grandiosity, and shallow emotion that are not necessary for a diagnosis of APD. 

Serial killings. “Serial killer” is not a mental disorder. In American criminal law, “the term “serial killings” means a series of three or more killings, not less than one of which was committed within the United States, having common characteristics such as to suggest the reasonable possibility that the crimes were committed by the same actor or actors.” And by “actor” they do not mean Kevin Spacey or Anthony Hopkins.

Hare notes that not all psychopaths are violent criminals: they thrive in corporate environments without killing people (just their souls). For supplemental reading I recommend “American Psycho” by Bret Easton Ellis—relevant again in the current financial debacle.

“…Scientists have begun to see the act of daydreaming very differently. They’ve demonstrated that daydreaming is a fundamental feature of the human mind – so fundamental, in fact, that it’s often referred to as our “default” mode of thought. Many scientists argue that daydreaming is a crucial tool for creativity, a thought process that allows the brain to make new associations and connections. Instead of focusing on our immediate surroundings – such as the message of a church sermon – the daydreaming mind is free to engage in abstract thought and imaginative ramblings. As a result, we’re able to imagine things that don’t actually exist, like sticky yellow bookmarks…”
Daydream achiever in Boston Globe Ideas. A wandering mind can do important work, scientists are learning—and may even be essential. Tell that to your boss.

Toupees have always bothered me. They’re obviously alien to their environment (some man’s head), but the wearer is either unaware of how odd they look, or is hoping against hope that no one will notice his hair is synthetic. Or else he is aware of how synthetic his hairpiece looks, but claims not to care what people think, in which case he should’ve announced his baldness to the world (Maybe he just wants to keep his scalp warm). If there are toupees that look exactly like real hair, I have not seen them. True, there are men who still have their own hair, but look like they’re wearing wigs. That’s even more distressing than toupees.

In the 90s, a friend of mine had a boss who believed that his toupee looked like real hair. He was unaware that the thing on his head looked like it was about to sit up and beg for peanuts. Every month he would announce, loudly and without a shred of irony: “I’m leaving early, I have to get a haircut.” His staff would have sudden coughing fits, cram papers in their mouths, dive for wastebaskets in order to hide their laughter. The next day, the boss would show up with shorter hair—as if he really had been to the barber. His staff concluded from anecdotal evidence that their boss had three toupees of different lengths, to simulate hair growth. 

My mentor Yoda used to go into agonies over his impending baldness, but eventually accepted the truth. He took comfort from the fact that Ed Harris looks better without hair.